be happy (A Lachlan Power Fanfiction)
by KaliDiaz
Summary: Lachlan moved to Orlando, Florida from Australia, and no one is too sure why. He is a happy, career driven Youtuber, but there is a secret darkness that he keeps to himself. That is, until he meets Kali. Kali watches Lachlan on a regular basis. In fact, Lachlan saved her life and he doesn't even know it. Read as two unlikely strangers join together on their quest for happiness.
1. Chapter One: Strangers

**Lachlan**

"Good afternoon everyone," my eyes shot open. "This is the captain speaking. It is 5:04 PM Eastern Time and we are getting ready to land at Orlando International Airport. Please remain in your seats until instructed otherwise."

I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my hoodie and stretched. Had I really slept through the whole flight? I mean, it's not surprising. I've barely slept the past three weeks because of all this stress with the my big move. I looked out the window as the plane made its way down the runway. This was my new home. This city, this state, this freakin' country where basically everyone is a stranger to me. I couldn't help but think I made a mistake.

As I walked over to baggage claim, I sent my family a quick text letting them know I landed safely. I know they're worried. They always worried, but we all know I needed a fresh start and some distance. I checked the the time on my phone. 5:45 PM. The meeting started at 9 tonight, so at least I'll have some time to relax at my new apartment and clean myself up. After being on a plane for so long I could use a nice, hot shower. I let out a deep sigh as I walked to the Uber that was waiting for me outside.

It took about 45 minutes to get to my new place. I had been back and forth a few times making sure everything was set up, but tonight would be the first time I stayed the night here alone. I put the key in the door and took in my surroundings. I was welcomed to pretty modern decor and the fresh smell of warm vanilla. Everything was black and white with glass tables and silver accents. It was beautiful and homey, but it still felt like it wasn't mine.

I put my bags down in the bedroom and laid in the massive king size bed centered against the back wall. I wasn't tired, but I needed to make it feel familiar to me; instead, it just felt foreign and unwelcoming. I gave up and wandered over to my new office to record a quick vlog. I felt a sigh of relief that everything was properly set up last time I was here. I told myself the transition would be easier. _Yes, because Youtube was the issue,_ I thought to myself. I hadn't told my fans I was moving and considered keeping it to myself for a bit longer, but I knew it would eventually come out and I'd rather they heard it from me. I opened my recording software and my face came up on the screen. I looked terrible. The bags under my eyes had gotten a darker purple. I looked paler than usual, likely due to my limited interactions with the outside world.

 _Well, It's now or never._ "Alrighty guys, what's going on? It is Lachlan here and I have kind of a big announcement to make..."

I got out of the shower just as the video finished uploading. I let out a deep sigh and it had officially gone live around 8 PM. The comments started pouring in. I couldn't tell them why I really moved here, that was far too personal, so I just said it would be better for my career, which is also true. I had friends that lived a couple of hours away in Tampa that could definitely give me some great recording opportunities, not to mention the internet was way better. Plus, the weather shock isn't too extreme, though I did forget it was Winter in this part of the world. I just really didn't want to disappoint them. I couldn't disappoint them.

 _Why was I always disappointing people?_

My body started tingling. The all too familiar sensations were returning. I had to leave before I did something I regretted. I'd been working too hard since the incident to go back to that place. I quickly threw on some track pants and a warm hoodie and paced around my bedroom until I got the Uber notification that the car was outside. I put my hood up blocking my face as much as possible, quickly making my way to the leasing office. It was 10 minutes to the meeting so I hope I wouldn't be too late.

The car pulled up just in time, but the building was dark, almost like I wasn't supposed to be there. I pulled out my phone and checked the appointment email to make sure I was in the right place. I t was definitely the this creepy, building. I checked the doors. They were unlocked. I quickly jogged down the hall until I saw Room 104, the only room with a light on and peered in. There were some people wandering around and conversing, but it seemed like everyone had claimed their seats. I scanned the circle searching for an available one, and found an opening next to one of the few people sitting. I quietly opened the door and tried to pass by unseen, sliding into the open seat, attempting to not draw too much attention to myself. I couldn't help thinking about how suspicious I probably looked with my hood pulled so close to my eyes, especially being the new guy.I began to mindlessly explore my phone in a poor attempt to blend in.

I looked at the stranger sitting next to me. She had one leg pulled close to her chest while the other dangled lazily from the chair. Her dark gray waves bounced as she melodically bobbed her head to whatever song she was listening and humming along to.

 _I wonder what her story is…_

"Alright everyone," I heard a voice say. "It's about time we get started. We do have a new person joining us, so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves? I'll start. I'm Paige, I am a therapist here in Orlando and have been for about 20 years now. I'm here to facilitate the conversation. Remember, this is a safe place. Please feel free to say as much or as little as you feel comfortable. Kali? Would you like to go next?"

"Sure," said the stranger next to me in the softest voice I've ever heard. " Well, I'm Kali. I'm 22, and I'm here because," she paused. Ours eyes met for just a brief moment. My breath hitched. She looked away before I could get a better look at her. "...because I was found unconscious in my bathtub after ODing on a bottle of painkillers and cutting deeply into my wrist. I've been coming here since I was 19. I've hit some bumps in the road but I am proud to say that I haven't cut in exactly three months today."

Everyone gave a quick applause and congratulations. The introductions continued, but I was only half paying attention. Part of me was nervous about speaking about my past, and another was transfixed by this Kali stranger next to me. I studied the way she played with her hair while everyone was talking, the way she bit the inside of her cheek and pursed her lips when someone said something personal, the way she played with one of her multiple ear piercings when she smiled. I was intrigued.

"Hey bro," the guy next to me tapped my shoulder, "it's your turn."

My blood raced a little. I hadn't had to do this since my last group in Australia. "Um, hi," my voice cracked. Was I ready to do this again? "My name is Lachlan. I'm 21 and, uh, as you can tell I'm not from here."

Everyone chuckled a little. I looked at the nine pairs of eyes watching me to see if I said more. I felt the pressure building in my chest. "Um, well, I'm a cutter."

 **Kali**

"Hey Kal, I'm heading out!" Campbell announced as he passed by my office door.

I looked at the clock on my desk. It was around 8, but I still had so much work to do. "Ok, I'll head out in a few, let me just finish this last assessment."

Campbell chuckled. "You work too hard, Kali. Let the admins do their job and stop doing their bitch work, you're better than that!" I rolled my eyes. I know he means well, but the team was depending on me. "Fine, do you man. I'm heading out. See you tomorrow at eleven?" I gave him a quick thumbs up, never lifting my eyes from the papers scoured in front of me. Something wasn't making sense in the paperwork and it was driving me insane.

My phone started buzzing insanely and I saw Paige's name pop up. Shit. I looked at the time and it was 8:30. "I'm leaving now! I got caught up at work!"

Paige laughed. "Take it easy. You're fine. I just wanted to let you know I'll be there a little later than usual and we'll need an extra seat."

"Sounds good!" I exclaimed as I turned off my computer and grabbed my bag in one swift movement. "I'll be there in five."

I ran to my car and stuck the key in the ignition. It wouldn't have time to warm up, which, I know, is pretty bad for my car, especially since it was finally Orlando's Winter month.

 _You're killing your car, you know?_ I heard the familiar voice ring through my head.

"Yea, yea. I know. I'll leave earlier next time." I rolled my eyes at him, and then slapped my forehead for realizing that I was doing it again. It's been a year and Reese was still in my head.

I pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the street to the familiar Community Center. I parked my car near the back entrance and darted inside to set up the room for Paige. Paige was an older woman, probably in her mid-fifties. You can tell that the stories she's been told had taken quite the toll on her. But Paige is part of the reason I'm still here. She's the first person I spoke to that truly listened and I've been with her ever since. I'm indebted to her.

Room setup was quick. We have a pretty small group, which I like, and ages ranged from 18 to 24, so it's people around my age, which is super comforting. We haven't really had new people in a while, so I can't lie, I'm a little curious.

I sat in my usual seat and got comfortable. I put my earbuds in and started listening to some old Secondhand Serenade song I couldn't quite remember the name of, but the memories always rushed back. I pulled my left leg up to me, holding it tight as I shut my eyes. I felt like I was in a trance in my own world until I felt someone sit in the chair next to me. I couldn't see his face over the hood, but I knew he must be the new guy, all the others had claimed their seats already. He had a fresh, clean scent to him. It was a soothing scent, almost minty. I quickly closed my eyes again before he could realize I was staring. I wouldn't want to freak him out on his first day.

"Alright everyone. It's about time we got started. "Paige's voice rang from across the room. I put my phone and headphones in my bag as she made her way to the usual seat, directly across from me. "We do have a new person joining us, so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves?" Paige wrung her hands together and gave us her usual tired smile. "I'm Paige. I am a therapist here in Orlando and have been for about 20 years now. I'm here to facilitate the conversation. Remember, this is a safe place. Please feel free to say as much or as little as you feel comfortable." She paused and gave me a warm smile, prompting me to get ready to speak. "Kali? Would you like to go next?"

"Sure," I said a lot softer than I intended. I shifted around so that both legs were close to my chest. I looked down at my black boots, quickly collecting my thoughts, and began to speak." Well, I'm Kali. I'm 22 and I'm here because..." I froze for a moment. I've been here for years but it never really gets easier to say. I glanced around the room and quickly caught the new guy's eyes. His face was in the shadow of his hood but his eyes seemed so familiar. I quickly broke eye contact and continued," because I was found unconscious in my bathtub after ODing on a bottle of painkillers and cutting deeply into my wrist. "Everyone nodded sympathetically. They've all heard this story before. The mystery man started getting kind of jumpy, though. His leg kept bouncing and he was scratching at the insides of his hands intensely. I looked away quickly and looked back at Paige. "I've been coming here since I was 19. I've hit some bumps in the road but I am proud to say that I haven't cut in exactly three months today,."

Everyone clapped a little and congratulated me. It was awkward to be acknowledged, but Paige always told me that it's important to take praise and compliments because I deserve it.

 _I suppose._

"Hey, I'm Jake!" Jake waved at the stranger man next to me and told us his story. Then Liam. Then Marley. Then Sam. Rico. Janelle. Van. Then finally: "Um, hi," creaked out a fragile, Australian voice. It sounded familiar, like eerily familiar. Like I feel like I just recently heard this voice. Wait, that can't be... "My name is Lachlan. I'm 21 and, uh, as you can tell I'm not from here." Everyone chuckled a little. I let out a strained, awestruck laugh. My mind couldn't process that he had been sitting next to me for the past half hour. How had I not recognized his eyes? Why was he here? My head was spinning.

 _Ok, don't freak out, Kali. He's a normal person in your support group. He's a normal person. Normal person._

"Um, well, I'm a cutter."

My heart sank.


	2. Chapter Two: Getting Acquainted

Lachlan

I couldn't say much for the rest of the meeting. I was trembling a little. You know when you admit something for the first time? You know, that throw up feeling in the pit of your stomach? It won't go away.

I looked over at Paige and mouthed 'bathroom' to her. She nodded and tilted her head to the right, indicating it was that way. I got up and did everything I could not to sprint out of there.

The halls were still dark and everything started blending in together. I leaned back against the wall and sank down to the floor.

 _I want to go home. I shouldn't be here._

I pulled my phone out and checked the time. It had only been about half an hour since the meeting started.

 _Just another 30 minutes to go, Lachlan. You can do this._

I got up and hurried down to the bathroom. I just needed to put some water on my face. I needed to revitalize. "Shit!" The water was a lot colder than I had anticipated. I patted my face dry and looked at myself in the mirror, the desire to cut growing deeper and deeper as I analyzed the reasons behind my sunken eyes and paler than normal complexion. The cutting would help, I'm sure it would. I pulled out the razor from my phone case and put it against the skin on my right arm. The cold feel of the metal and the warmth of the familiar pain soothed me for the moment. I quickly cleaned up the small mess I had made and made my way back to the circle, hoping I hadn't been gone too long.

"Lachlan," I heard Paige's voice as I returned to my seat. I looked up quickly, a little hesitant about what she would say. I panicked she may have known what I had just done. "If you don't mind me asking, what brings you all this way? Australia is quite a ways away."

"Just needed a change of scenery," I replied shortly. She looked at me expectantly, hoping I would say more, but instead just gave me a smile and asked something to Marcy or Mary, I couldn't quite remember her name.

I zoned out again until I heard Paige announce the ending of the meeting. "Lachlan, Kali, would you mind staying back a couple of minutes?" I looked at Kali and watched her mindlessly nod as she collected her belongings and helped the others clean up. Paige motioned for me to follow her to the back of the room. I got up and quickly jogged to meet her. "So, how are you feeling after your first meeting?"

"Um, it was good, I guess. I'm not really good at this whole talking about my personal life thing, but I'm hoping it'll get better over time. It took me some time to open up at my last group, though."

"That's great to hear. I think it showed a tremendous amount of strength to admit that you self-harm. That takes a lot of courage." I stared at her and just nodded in agreement, beginning to get the tingly feeling again already. "Well, I just wanted to touch base with you again. I know in our email correspondence you said Wednesday night group meetings would be best and Monday at noon would be work for your private therapy, correct?" I nodded. "Great! I wanted to just ask one more thing. We typically pair up one of our older group members with our newer group members, kind of like a mentorship for some additional peer to peer guidance. We've seen great results from this and based on our discussions, I think this would be a great opportunity for you, especially getting acquainted to the area."

"Yea, no, see I'm not really looking for a supervisor right now." I stuck my hands deep in my pockets, fiddling with the flap of my phone case that concealed one of my razor blades. I was ready to leave.

"Are you sure? Why don't you just try it out and if you really don't think it works for you, we'll discuss it further on Monday and find another supplemental resource that could benefit you. It's completely up to you how little or how frequently you communicate with your mentor, but I don't want to pressure you."

"Fine," I reluctantly said. "What harm could it do?"

Paige smiled at me and motioned for someone behind me to join us. "Lachlan, this is Kali." She came into my line of sight and extended her hand. I accepted it and gave it a quick shake. Her hand seemed so small in mine. It was so warm; and a little sweaty, or wait, was that my hand? I pulled away quickly before she could notice and slid my hand back in my pocket. "She's been here for 3 years now and she is definitely one of the members I've seen the most growth out of in all my years. Kali here is going to be your mentor, a peer resource that you'll be able to utilize."

I looked back at Kali as Paige continued to talk and saw her staring at me. I caught her gaze and we just looked at each other for a second. She was quite pretty. She had these deep, brown, almond shaped eyes and the fullest, red lips that had me lingering for a second too long. She had the lightest splash of freckles on her noticeably blushing cheeks. Oh, no, was I making her uncomfortable?

I tuned back in just as Paige said her farewells to us. I gave an acknowledging nod and then realized that the room was now empty except for Kali and I. "We should get going," she said, as she started to walk to the door. I quickly followed close behind. "So where did you park?" She asked pointing at either direction of the hall.

"Uh, I didn't. I actually Uber'd. I'm not getting one until Saturday." I watched her as she bit her cheek and pursed her lips, clearly contemplating something. I pulled out my phone and started to open the app.

She reached her hand out to block my phone and gently grazed my hand. "Uh," she pulled it back and crossed her arms across her chest. "I mean, I could take you home. I don't have anything else to do for the night, so I don't mind."

She bit her bottom lip in anticipation of my answer. I feel like I'm making her nervous, and it's probably because I look so sketchy. I pulled down my hood, exposing my face, and nodded. "I mean, if you don't mind, that'd be great."

She stared at me for a second and then started nodding. "Yea, great! Ok, I'm this way." We walked besides each other down the hall towards the back entrance. She made her way to an old, 2006 white Corolla and threw her purse on the hood. She started searching through her bags, for her keys I'm assuming. "So, where do you live?"

I blanked for a second. I really didn't want to go back to that empty apartment. "Actually, I was thinking, um, I haven't eaten since my flight and I'm starving. Would you mind grabbing a bite to eat with me? It'll be my treat. Repayment for the ride home, of course. Plus, I could probably use the company."

"Yea, dope, hop on in." She said as she slid in her seat and opened the door for me. I grabbed the handle and sat down. I slid the seat all the way back, giving myself some leg room and buckled up. "In the mood for anything specific?"

"A burger sounds great right about now."

"Ah!" She threw her hands up in the air, indicating me to stop talking. "Say no more. I'll take you to my favorite spot." She quickly peeled out of the parking lot and we were off.

We drove in silence for a minute or two until she started humming to herself. "What song is that? It sounds really familiar." She looked at me, confusion clear on her face. "You, uh, you were humming."

Her face went red. "Oh. Oh god! I didn't even notice. It's one of my favorite songs. The _500 Miles_ song they used the cover for in _Grey's Anatomy._ It's a good song."

I stared at her blankly. "I'm not much of a Grey's fan, actually."

"Oh no, same. I've never watched it either. My sister showed me the song and I just became obsessed. It's like the kind of love you look for but can't really find, you know?" She said, her eyes never leaving the road.

"Sounds lovely. I'll have to give it a listen, I guess."

"Yea, for sure." She stayed quiet for a minute. "Maybe I can play it for you later. The song I mean."

I smiled at her. "I would like that a lot. Thanks."

She looked at me and gave me a smile. There's something special about her and I really want to know more.

 _Ok Lachlan, turn on the charm. Use your voice, speak to her for Christ's sake!_

"We're here," Kali said as she pulled into a pretty empty parking lot, breaking me away from my thoughts. "It's kind of a low key place, but don't let the empty lot fool you, the food is bomb!" She hurried out of the car and signaled for me to follow her in. I laughed and obliged.

We sat in a back table and listened to the mellow Indie music playing in the restaurant. The server brought out a barbeque bacon burger for me and an egg and cheese burger for Kali. Without a second thought, we both stuffed our faces.

"So what's your deal?" She asked me, cleaning off some ketchup that got stuck in the corner of her mouth. I nearly choked because of how blunt she was. "Like not your deal, just, tell me about yourself."

I thought about what to say while I wiped my mouth. "Uh, well, " I cleared my throat, "so, I literally moved here today from halfway across the world all by myself. Um, you're the first person I've had a one on one conversation with aside from my therapist since I've been here, and uh, I like long, romantic walks on the beach." She laughed, giving me a playful shove. "Well what do you want to know. I'm bad at this."

"What's your favorite color? What's your favorite season? How do you feel about-"

I cut her off with a loud laugh. "Slow down, one at a time! How about this: we take turns asking questions and we both answer, yea?"

She had a sly smile on her lips and nodded. "You first."

I took a bite out of my burger and thought long and hard about the most telling question I could think of. "Pokemon Go. Which team?" I gave her the best glare I could muster up.

She rolled her eyes and threw her head in her hands. "I'm Mystic, ok? I'm like the only Mystic I know. All of my friends went Valor."

"Weak, I'm Instinct."

"Yea, you're gonna be way outnumbered here." She took another big bite out of her burger and then flailed her hands, realization clear on her face. She chewed quickly and took an almost painful looking gulp. "Wait, it's your first day here, right? Well, I was supposed to go to Downtown Disney this weekend but my friends flaked. Would you want to go? It's supposed to be THE spot in this area for Pokemon."

"That'd be great, actually. I'd never visited on my prior stays here." She was being really kind. Something fluttered in the pit of my stomach. Are those butterflies?

"Yay! So on Saturday it's a date!" She smiled such a genuine smile. The butterflies fluttered again. _A date?_ " So," she said without missing a beat, "what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?"

"Coming here." I gave her a very matter of fact look and chuckled. "But realistically, I try not to be very spontaneous. I'm not good with surprises."

"Oh, is that right?" She gave me this mischievous look. "Hurry up and finish. I just remembered I did have something to do tonight. And you're coming."

Kali

I wasn't able to participate in this meeting like I usually do. I was completely distracted by this stranger sitting next to me who I found out isn't quite a stranger at all. He was Lachlan, the man I watched through the screen of my phone when I needed a pick me up on a bad day; the voice I listened to to soothe me to sleep; the face I imagined when I considered what happiness probably looked like on a person. He was sitting next to me and had just admitted something that I would have never suspected, and in that moment, I felt a mix intense sadness and guiltful pang of joy. On one hand, it made me almost feel better, almost like I wasn't so damaged because someone who was so successful at such a young age ended up in the same room as me for some of the same reasons, though I have not learned much about his exact experience with it. It was his first meeting, so unsurprisingly so he was quiet and reserved. The sadness welled up in me once more. I couldn't wrap my head around how I hadn't noticed something was wrong with him when I watched him so consistently. He never struck me as sad, or even upset.

 _I should have been able to see it. I should have spotted it._

Just when I felt like I was able to focus again, I saw him leave from my side and walk towards the door. I watched him leave, hands clenched in tight fists and just a little too much tension in his body. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and quickly told Paige that I was going to go to the bathroom as well. I got up from my seat and quietly open the door, making sure to make as little noise and movement as possible. Down the hall a saw a dark figure slumped against the wall, his head in his hands. It was a pitiful sight, but something I can admit I've done as well. I started to slowly walk towards him, not wanting to disturb him, but he ended up getting up and walking into the bathroom. I decided to give it a minute before heading back inside to the meeting. I sat down again, legs held close to my body and no more than a minute later, Lachlan entered the room.

He sat down and seemed a little less fidgety. "Lachlan, if you don't mind me asking, what bring you all this way? Australia is quite a ways away?" Paige asked, genuine curiosity laced in her voice.

He shrugged. "Just needed a change of scenery."

Paige waited for another moment and soon realized she wouldn't be getting anything else in that moment. "Marley, you mentioned that you've recently been promoted at your job. How do you feel this will affect your progress?"

Marley smiled and excitement radiated from her. "I think it's a really good change! I know it's going to be stressful, but I'm just really excited to have this opportunity. You all know I love working with children, and it's just amazing to me that they thought of me to be the after school program coordinator. This will be such a positive distraction for me, and it just means so much to me. They really see all that I do for the program, and they gave me the recognition I realize I deserve."

"That's really great, Marley! I'm so glad you were able to achieve the goals you've set for yourself! It's pretty inspiring honestly. You've truly influenced me in more ways than you know," I said to her, genuine appreciation apparent in my voice. Marley had been such a great mentor to me and she has been so pivotal in my growth, especially when I finally was able to stop cutting. She makes me proud to be her mentee.

 _Oh crap. The mentor initiative. I'm next._

I can't believe I forgot that it's my turn to be a mentor and I don't know why it didn't register when Paige told me their was a new person coming in today. It would be my luck that my mentee just so happens to be one of the most important people in my life, who just happens to be a complete stranger turned support group member. My head started spinning. I zoned out and couldn't focus to the stories everyone was sharing.

Fifteen minutes flew by without me noticing. "Well, that's all the time we have today. Thank you all so much for being so open and welcoming." Paige smile at everyone in the group, her pride clear. "Lachlan, Kali,would you mind staying back a couple of minutes?" I kept my head down and nodded as a packed my bag, hoping the blush on my face wasn't visible to the beautiful stranger next to me.

I saw Lachlan jog to the back of the room and quickly walked to the refreshments table to be met by Janelle, a flirty grin on her face. I already knew what she was thinking. "Have you checked out the new guy?" She eyed him down, playing with her full curls hoping he would gaze her way.

"Uh, no, I haven't gotten a chance to really see," I said casually, trying to play off the anxious feeling pulsing through my body. "But I'm gonna be his mentor so I guess I'll be seeing him soon enough." I began throwing away the crumbles of cookies left behind and the half empty drinks.

"Girl, if you're lucky, you'll be seeing a lot of him," Jake said creeping up behind me. "I wish I could be seeing a lot of him if you know what I mean." Jake was very open about his sexuality and tends to come off quite strong, but it's also one of my favorite things about him. Jake was definitely the most confident person I've ever met. I honestly envied him for that.

"Guys, come on, you know it won't be like that. You know the unspoken rules of the group," I said biting my lip. The rules were great for multiple reasons, mainly because we get so personal that it makes it easier to not complicate things with relationships. I'm also so prone to emotional instability when it comes to relationships that I need these rules in place.

Janelle gave me a knowing smile. "We all know those rules have been broken and we've all seen how good the results can be." She motioned towards Sam, a huge engagement ring present on her finger. She had met someone in the group and they ended up falling in love. He no longer is part of the group, but I still see him around every now and then. "Sometimes the risk is worth the reward."

"Yea, and we all know how bad it can end to, don't we?" I said sharply. Jake and Janelle looked at each other and looked down. We all know the instance I was referring to. Just as we finished up with the clean up, Paige motioned me to meet her and Lachlan in the back. The nerves hit me and I could feel myself begin to sweat.

"Lachlan, this is Kali." Paige formally introduced us just as I appeared before him. I extended my hand and gave him a quick handshake. His hand was so big and so cold. I hoped didn't notice how sweaty I was. Paige spoke about the program for a moment, but I just couldn't focus. I couldn't help but stare at the man in front of me. He looked so different in person. He's much taller, much paler than I imagined. I think he felt me staring because for a brief moment, I caught his bright blue eyes. Something about them made them seem a little dimmer than I remembered them being in his videos. I studied the features of this thin face down to his chin and found myself caught on his lips. They seems so soft, if only I could touch them for just a second. I felt a bright blush creep on my face when I realized he was looking intently on my lips as well and looked away quickly, focusing my attention back on Paige. "Well, I think that's everything. It was great seeing you both. See you same time next week," she said with a smile and made her way towards the front of the room and out the door.

It was just Lachlan and I now. "We should get going," I said, making my way towards the door. I heard footsteps following closely behind me. We stood in the same dark hallway we were both in just a half hour ago. I remembered him slumped against the wall, but shook the imagine out of my head for the moment. "So where did you park?" I pointed in the directions of the two exits.

He was looking down at the ground. "Uh, I didn't." He looked back at me with his beautiful blue eyes. They seemed to shine in the dark hall. "I actually Uber'd. I'm not getting one until Saturday." I watched him pull out his phone and tap around on the screen.

I don't know what got into me but before I realized what I was doing, I put my hand out to block his phone and accidentally touched his hand. My heart skipped a beat. "Uh," I crossed my arms over my chest, embarrassed by the slight contact and I'm hoping the not so apparent blush on my face. "I mean, I could take you home. I don't have anything else to do for the night, so I don't mind."

He was silent for a moment, and then reached up and pulled down his hood, exposing his blond hair casually swiped back in the way that makes me melt. I could clearly see his face now, and if I was in doubt that it was him before, I was 100% certain now. It was Lachlan. The Lachlan. He nodded and smiled his toothy smile. "I mean, if you don't mind, that'd be great."

I stood there in the shock of him fully confirming his identity to me, taking in all the little details of his face that I couldn't see through the screen of my computer. I wanted to scream and hug him, but I know I had to remain calm and collected. I nodded more aggressively than I intended. "Yea, great! Ok, I'm this way." We walked out of the building together and walked over to my car. I searched for my keys in the massive mess that was my bag. "So, where do you live?"

"Actually, I was thinking, um, I haven't eaten since my flight and I'm starving," he said, adorably playing with the strings of his hoodie. "Would you mind grabbing a bite to eat with me? It'll be my treat. Repayment for the ride home, of course. Plus, I could probably use the company."

I screamed internally. This is something I had always dreamed of. I didn't want to freak him out, so I made a very conscious effort to act as natural as possible. "Yea, dope, hop on in," I said sliding into my seat and opening the door for the golden haired angel. He adjusted the seat to accommodate his long legs and buckled up. "In the mood for anything specific?"

"A burger sounds great right about now."

"Ah!" I screamed throwing my hands in the air. "Say no more. I'll take you to my favorite spot." I pulled out of the parking lot and immediately was hit with the realization that I had to make a very important decision. Most burger places get pretty packed at this time of night, especially the really good ones. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable and bring him to a highly populated area, running the risk of recognition. I quickly decided to take him to more of a hole in the wall burger joint, making interaction with others minimal.

"What song is that? It sounds really familiar," he asked in a hushed tone. His face looked soft in the dim lights of the lamp posts outside. I gave him a look of confusion. "You, uh, you were humming."

I felt the blood rush to my face. I could only imagine how red I looked. "Oh. Oh god! I didn't even notice. It's one of my favorite songs. The _500 Miles_ song they used the cover for in _Grey's Anatomy_. It's a good song."

"I'm not much of a Grey's fan, actually."

I shook my head probably a little too aggressively, keeping my eyes on the road. "Oh no, same. I've never watched it either. My sister showed me the song and I just became obsessed. It's like the kind of love you look for but can't really find, you know?" I decided to keep the part about wanting it to be my future wedding song to myself.

"Sounds lovely," he said in a silky voice, " I'll have to give it a listen, I guess."

"Yea, for sure." I could feel the butterflies flying around in my stomach, urging me to say something more. "Maybe I can play it for you later. The song I mean."

He gave me such a happy looking smile. "I would like that a lot. Thanks."

His smile sent tingles down my spine. The things I would do to make sure he always has that smile on his face. It was weird getting a glimpse of the real him, not just the one he allows everyone to see. I've already gotten a glimpse into the his world of vulnerability, and it's still something I'm not fully comfortable with. He was my hope for happiness, and him being here with me right now almost proves that it doesn't exist. I was ripped from my thoughts when I realized we were pulling into the parking lot of the burger joint. "We're here. It's kind of a low key place, but don't let the empty lot fool you, the food is bomb!" I got out of the car and motioned for him to follow me. He laughed and followed close behind me.

I brought us to a table in the back of the restaurant, nervous that I was making things a little more intimate than I had intended. Lachlan was looking around taking in the scene. There were probably five or six other guests in the restaurant besides us and the staff and everyone seemed to be in their own worlds. I watched him carefully as the food came to our table. We both picked up out juicy burgers and began to eat.

We ate in silence for a moment, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. "So what's your deal?" I asked, breaking the silence. Lachlan choked on his burger, my question taking him by surprise. I passed him some water and continued to probe just a little. "Like not your deal, just, tell me about yourself."

He wiped his face, clearly a little uncomfortable. "Uh, well, so I literally moved her today from halfway across the world all by myself. Um, you're the first person I've had a one on one conversation with aside from my therapist since I've been here," my heart skipped a beat. I was his first connection in Orlando. I was Lachlan's first acquaintance. "And uh, I like long, romantic walks on the beach." I laughed and gave him a playful shove then cursed myself for doing so. What was I doing? He playfully rubbed his arm and laughed along with me. "Well what do you want to know. I'm bad at this."

I wanted to fuck with him, overwhelm him a little for taking my original question so lightly. "What's your favorite color? What's your favorite season? How do you feel about-"

He laughed so loud and waved his hands in surrender. "Slow down, one at a time. How about this: we take turns asking questions and we both answer, yea?"

Getting to know each other Twenty One questions style. I was down. I gave him a competitive nod. "You first."

He looked like he was thinking hard about something. He furrowed his brow as he took a big bite out of his burger. He looked like he was hit with realization and looked me dead in the eye, his blue eyes looking more intense than ever. "Pokemon Go. Which team?"

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up in the air. I already knew he was Instinct since I was an avid watcher. I also knew my team was the Instinct of Florida. "I'm Mystic, ok? I'm like the only Mystic I know. All of my friends went Valor."

He looked at me with disappointment. "Weak, I'm Instinct," he said, telling me what I already knew.

I gave him a mischievous smile. "Yea, you're gonna be way outnumbered here." I took a triumphant bite out of my burger. Then it hit me out of nowhere. "Wait, it's your first day here, right? Well, I was supposed to go to Downtown Disney this weekend but my friends flaked. Would you want to go? It's supposed to be THE spot in this area for Pokemon." I can't lie and say I didn't have a crush on him, but I also felt responsible for making sure he's enjoying his time here and assimilating well. I know how much it sucked being in a new place and not knowing anyone, and it hurt to know that's the position he was in now.

He gave me such a genuine smile. "That'd be great, actually. I'd never visited on my prior stays here." I could see the appreciation on his face and my stomach exploded with butterflies.

"Yay! So on Saturday it's a date!" I said with a smile. _Wait, did I just say date?!_ I couldn't made it awkward so I continued speaking without really thinking. "So, what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?"

"Coming here." He said quickly. He gave me a blank stare and then laughed. I rolled my eyes at him, indicating I wasn't amused. "But realistically, I try not to be very spontaneous. I'm not good with surprises."

An idea sparked in my mind. "Oh, is that right?" I gave him an evil gave me a look of confusion and concern. "Hurry up and finish. I just remembered I did have something to do tonight. And you're coming."


	3. Chapter Three: Impulsive Adventuring

Lachlan

INK PALACE. "Nope." I looked at the parlor in front of us and shook my head. "Absolutely not. Kali, you're insane."

"Oh come on. Just come in with me. You don't need to get one, just keep me company." She opened the door and grabbed my hand, pulling me in before I could answer. "Hey Mikey! Do you have time to squeeze me in?"

Mikey looked me up and down, stopping at Kali's and I's hands which were still cupped together. My face got hot and I pulled away, shoving my hands in my pockets nervously. Mikey scowled at me and looked back at Kali. "Sorry, Kal, our piercers are done for the night."

"That's fine. I'm actually here for a tattoo! My first one actually," she bit her lip nervously. She looked at me and gave me a smile.

Mikey nodded. "I'll get my station set up. Come back whenever you're ready, sweetie." He walked behind the curtains and disappeared.

"That dude is brolic as hell!" I whisper-yelled to Kali. "He looked like he was ready to bite my head off. Do I not blend in here that much?"

Kali laughed. "Oh please, he's a teddy bear. And you blend in plenty. This is Orlando, the tourist capital of the world!" Kali sat on the front couch and pulled out her phone. She tapped around on her screen and patted the spot next to her. I sat next to her as she showed me her screen. It was a straight line connecting the words 'be happy' written in cursive. "What do you think?"

"Where would you put it?" I studied the picture more.

She bit her lip, a sight I realized was slowly driving me crazy. She held her right wrist for a second, her mind clearly running wild. She looked me in the eyes and pulled up her sleeves, exposing two, parallel scars running across her wrist. "Right between these."

Before I realized what I was doing, I touched them. They were healed, but you could still feel a slight rise. "Yea, it'd be perfect there." I felt like there was a lump in my throat. I swallowed hard, my fingers gently touching her skin. "It'll be beautiful."

She closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek. I quickly wiped it away with my other hand. I felt the need to protect her. I put my arm around her and pulled her close. Sh rested her head on my shoulder, watching my hand glide across her scars.

I don't know how long we were sitting there, but it didn't feel like long enough before hearing Mikey's voice ring from the back. I gave her left arm a reassuring squeeze and got up, extending my hand for her grab. She took it and we walked into the mystery that awaited us behind the curtains.

I watched her as she sat in the chair and explained what she was getting to Mikey. She extended her arm on the side padding and pulled her sleeve up to her elbow, exposing a series of smaller cuts, none as thick as the two at her wrist.

Mikey put the ink on the needle and the needle on her skin. She cringed, balling her left hand into a tight fist. "Distract me," she asked through clenched teeth, "please?"

"Why 'be happy'?" I asked, the question lingering from before.

"It's all I've ever wanted to be. Since before my accident, I just wanted to be happy. The accident was my way of reaching eternal happiness, but obviously that didn't go as planned. But ever since then, everytime someone asked me what I wanted to be when I got older, what I wanted to do, the only thing that I could think of was to be happy. You see, my life has taught me one thing and that's people don't make you happy, things don't make you happy, not even experiences make you happy. Sure, they'll add to it and complement the happiness you have, but happiness is something that you, yourself need to create. What a concept, right? Create your own happiness. Well, that's what I've been striving to do and this right here will just be a friendly reminder. " The determination was strong in her eyes. "How do you create your happiness?"

I stared at her in awe. I had never considered what she said. I was always told how happy I should be because I was blessed with success, a loving family, a home, yet I was still severely depressed. "You know, I've never thought about it. I'm always so focused on making other people happy that I assume they'll do the same for me, but it doesn't really work like that, does it?" I gave her arm a little squeeze and she gave me a small smile in return.

"You'll create your own happiness, Lachlan. You just need to give it time." I believed her. Maybe this new start is what I needed to create my own happiness. "Mikey! It looks great!" I saw her examining her wrist. She showed me excitedly, her face not able to hide her love for her new adornment.

"Wow, it looks great on you." The black ink popped against her tanned skin. It complemented the scars well, almost completing the story she had created on her arm representing her past and future.

"You getting anything, kid?" Mikey asked, sterilizing his station.

Kali looked at me expectantly. " Yea, you getting something, kid?" The mischief returned to her eyes and smirk. "You might as well make your first night here memorable, right?"

I looked between the two and laughed. "You're joking right?" Kali kept looking at me, the mischief never faltering. "Kali, I don't even know what I would get!"

"Lachlan, I'm kidding. You don't have to if you don't want to," she said getting up from the tattooing chair. "Just don't say I never gave you a chance to be spontaneous." She gathered her bag and started walking towards the curtains.

I bit my lip. "Fuck it, let's do it."

She turned and ran up to me and captured me in a hug. "I love being a bad influence."

I smiled down at her and sighed. "I do want to ask you something, though. Your reasoning kind of inspired me…" my voice began to trail off as my indecision started to settle in.

She let go of me and put enough distance between us for her to look me in the eye. I instantly missed the feel of her body against my own. "I'm glad it did," she said with a childlike smile.

"Well, I was hoping you'd allow me to get it among my own scars, making it part of my story to tell."

Her face softened and there was an emotion laced in her eyes that I couldn't quite read. "I'd love nothing more than for you to do what makes you happy." She put her bag down on the chair and motioned for me to take the seat that was formerly hers.

"Alright, kid. What's the deal? Where's it gonna be?" Mikey asked, adjusting his station.

I took a deep breath and really braced myself for what I was going to do. Very few people have seen my scars since I do everything I can to hide them, but in the moment, I didn't feel as scared. I pulled off my hoodie, exposing multiple tiny cuts and a single, long vertical on either arm. I extended my left arm to Mikey, "I'd like it right along this scar if you can."

Mikey nodded and adjusted his equipment on the left side of the chair. Kali looked at my arms and then looked me in the eyes, There was an overwhelming sadness in her eyes and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. I smiled at her reassuringly and sat in the chair, adjusting my arm on the padding for Mikey. I motioned Kali to my right side and reached out for her hand. I knew she understood what the scars meant, and with that alone she knew more about me than anyone else with the exception of my immediate family and some close friends. We were now connected by the scars of the past and these new symbols to represent our journey of the future towards happiness.

Kali

"You know I don't like surprises," Lachlan whined. "Can you please tell me where we're going?"

"You'll know when we get there," I sang. I started getting nervous as we approached the tattoo parlor. I hope he wouldn't freak out, I know I don't mind needles, but I know a lot of people don't react to it very well. I pulled into the adjacent parking lot, not wanting to give it away right away. "Ok, so I'm gonna cover your eyes and walk you there, ok?"

"Kali," he said hesitantly. He gave me this worried look and I could see doubt in his eyes. I gave him my best reassuring smile. He reluctantly sighed. "Fine, ok, let's go."

I happy danced and hopped out of the car. "Ok, I'm going to need to cover your eyes, but I'm way too short compared to you to use my hands. I looked around quickly and quickly grabbed my scarf off of my neck and held it towards him.

"You want to blindfold me? Are you fucking kidding me?" He began to look at me like I was crazy. He was no longer worried, just extremely confused and a little scared it seemed.

"Trust me? Please?" I begged.

"You do realize I hardly know you, right?"

"I get that, but you also have more muscle and mass compared to me, I'm sure you could take me even blindfolded." He wasn't buying it. "Ok, take out your phone. Have 911 ready to call in case you really do feel that in danger."

He laughed. "Ok, ok. I trust you enough to do this. But let's make it to the destination fast? I really hate not knowing what's around me." I squealed happily and handed him the scarf to place around his eyes and then tied it behind him.

"Ready?" I asked grasping his right arm.

"As I'll ever be, I'm sure," he said with a playful smile.

"Great! Let's go!" I guided him from one plaza into the next and steadied him in front of the tattoo parlor. "We're here. You ready?"

He nodded. I undid the blindfold and he stared at the huge INK PALACE sign front of us. "Nope." He shook his head. "Absolutely not. Kali, you're insane."

"Oh come on. Just come in with me. You don't need to get one, just keep me company," I said while grabbing his hand and pulling him inside. "Hey Mikey! Do you have time to squeeze me in?" I didn't realize I was stilling holding his hand until he awkwardly pulled away, not that I minded.

"Sorry, Kal, our piercers are done for the night."

"That's fine," I said as confidently as I could manage, "I'm actually here for a tattoo! My first on actually,"

Mikey mumbled something and made his way to the back of the parlor.

Lachlan stared ahead in awe, "That dude is brolic as hell!" He practically screamed. "He looked like he was ready to bite my head off. Do I not blend in here that much?" Lachlan seemed a little stressed at the thought. I'm sure this adjustment isn't easy for him, and Mikey didn't make it seem like it would be any easier.

I laughed trying to ease his discomfort. "Oh please, he's a teddy bear. And you blend in plenty. This is Orlando, the tourist capital of the world!" I sat on the couch and pulled up the image I had been considering for my tattoo. I invited Lachlan to sit next to me and he did. I showed him the image, nerves building in my core. "What do you think?"

He looked at the picture cautiously. "Where would you put it?"

In that moment, it had hit me that Lachlan and I were about to share a very intimate moment. I was about to expose to him something that only a handful of people have seen, and the thought made me uneasy. I toyed with my sleeve for a bit before biting the bullet and exposing the two scars I had given myself the day that I had attempted suicide. "Right in between these."

Suddenly, I felt a hand grazing my skins, playing with the slight rise of my scars as if he were mesmerized." Yea, it'd be perfect there. I could hear his breath hitch. "It'll be beautiful." I don't know how or why it happened, but tears rolled down my face, and he quickly wiped them away. He held me close and for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel so alone.

I can't believe Lachlan had changed his mind about a tattoo. Less than an hour ago, he had no interest in entering the building, and now he's standing before me asking if he could get the same symbol on his body that I had received. I watched him as he slowly took off his hoodie and exposed an array of cuts all over his arms and two very distinct scars that I couldn't pull my eyes away from. Those long vertical scars….

 _He tried to kill himself_.

"I'd like it right along this scar if you can," he said, pointing to the long, vertical line on his left arm." I couldn't help but stare at his arms. I had never pictured his cutting being so bad and I had never imagined her would try to take his life. I felt so sad and even more guilty. How could I not have seen the signs? How could I not see that the boy in the screen was so similar to me? We looked at each other for a moment. I couldn't read his expression very well, but it almost seemed as if he felt a little less burdened, like some weight had been lifted off his chest. He smiled at me and signaled for me to come distract me. He held my hand and it felt so incredibly different than it had been before. We had learned more about each other in the past hour than I could have ever imagined, and I was left wanting to learn more.

"I guess it's my turn to distract you," I said with a half-hearted chuckle. He gave me a smile and nodded. "What's one of your biggest regrets?" He gave me a look, indicating he thought I was referring to his scars. "Like what is something you wished you would have done that you didn't?"

"Hmm," he hummed while gently stroking my hand in his. "This may seem weird, but I always regret never going to university. I started working during high school and just continued on into a career straight after graduation. I always knew my parents were disappointed that I didn't go even though they'll never admit it. I was kind of the failure in that way. My older sister is in graduate school for pharmacology, my brother is destined to be valedictorian of his class, and I barely graduated with Cs. I'm the family fuck up but no one really talks about it since I had a good job right out of high school, but we all know they wished I would have found a passion in my education and did something with it. Instead, here I am, in Florida, getting a tattoo by Mikey."

Mikey gave Lachlan a dirty look, rolled his eyes, and continued with his process, spending a little too much time on the letter H. Lachlan winced at the pain. Mikey smiled and moved on to the next letter.

"My parents are gonna freak when they see this thing."

I nodded and laughed. "So are mine, but my philosophy is if I'm old enough to pay my own bills, I can do what I want, you know?"

"I agree, but that doesn't mean they still won't kill me." We laughed for a moment, our eyes locked and a connection between us growing a little stronger. "What about you, Kali? What's your biggest regret?"

I sighed. "Don't laugh, ok?" Lachlan smiled and nodded, meaning I clearly sparked his interest. "I wish I had learned to speak Spanish when I was younger."

"Oh come on, that's it?" Lachlan said, disappointment clear on his face.

"Let me explain, ok? It's not easy being the Latina that doesn't know Spanish. Not only you are different from the majority of people you grow up around, you're different than the people in your culture. You start to believe you are less of a person and lose your sense of identity. Do you know how it feels to know that you won't be fully accepted by anyone because you'll always be the different kid in one way or another? It sucks, man. All the white kids would make fun of me because I was just some dumb Hispanic kid to them. All the other Latinos would sneer at me because I was too Americanized to remember my culture. Even my cousins would judge me, telling me I sounded white when I did try to speak Spanish, discouraging me further.

"But I feel like it didn't hit me just how much I regretted it until my grandmother died last October. She was my mom's mother, and I was never able to really communicate with her because she only spoke Spanish. This woman who had such a deep influence on everyone on my mother's side of my family, and I couldn't even speak to her. I wonder what would be different in my life had I learned to speak Spanish before learning English or even learning them simultaneously. Would my life be easier or harder? Anyway, yes, that's my biggest regret."

Lachlan held my hand tighter, biting his lip while he thought up a response. "I'm sorry for your loss. She's in a better place now, you know? She's reached her eternal happiness."

My heart ached at the memories that I had buried away deep. "I'm not really good at dealing with death."

Lachlan nodded. "Me either," he said in a near whisper.

"Well, looks like that's another thing you have in common," Mikey said, interrupting our brief moment. "You're all done. Take a look."

"Wow, that's sick," Lachlan said, standing up and getting a better look in the mirror. "It came out better than I expected."

I followed him to where he was standing, holding my new tattoo close to his and snapped a picture of the two together, being careful to make sure there would be no indications that it was him in the photo."I made sure you weren't in the photo fully. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable about it."

"It's fine, Kali. I promise. Do you mind sending that to me? It looks pretty cool when they're matched up like that, kind of like our stories are intertwining a bit, don't you think?"

I handed him my phone, letting him enter in his contact information and watched him send it to himself. "You know, I really like that our stories are intertwining."

He smiled at me, grabbing my hand in his once more. "Me too."

We both looked at the photo, our new tattoos, and then back at each other. "Here's to no regrets in our pursuit of creating our happiness."


	4. Chapter Four: Baking Buddies

**Lachlan**

"I still can't believe I got one," I said, staring at the fresh tattoo on my arm.

"I still can't believe Mikey spelled 'happy' wrong," Kali said shaking her head.

"Wait, what?" I examined it closely. Kali started laughing and I glared at her, giving her a playful shove. "Oh fuck off." I couldn't help but smile.

"Don't push the driver! I'm trying to get you home in one piece." She was still laughing from my gullibility.

"Yea, well luckily we're here," I said, pointing to my complex. "Um, you can drop me off at the leasing office. I don't want to make you drive all the way to the back." She nodded and cautiously turned left into the gated community. As we pulled closer, I felt my stomach sink. I didn't want the night to end. "Um, actually, did you want a snack or something before heading home?"

Kali looked at me quizzingly. "It's kind of late. I don't want to keep you up past your bedtime. It's already passed midnight."

"Well, my sleep schedule is kind of fucked. I slept the whole way here so I'll be up until late anyway. I understand if you can't though." I really didn't want to be alone mere thought of it made me feel sick. I started unbuckling my seatbelt when I felt a hand on my arm.

Kali was biting her lip. "Well, I don't have work until eleven, I guess I can stay for a snack." She looked a little nervous. I gave her a smile to try to calm her just a bit.

I navigated us through the community and we eventually made it to my little driveway. I got out of the car and motioned for Kali to follow me, her face still showing skepticism. Without thinking, I walked towards her and held her in my arms. I felt her tense up next to me, but then she relaxed, placing her arms around my waist. "Thank you for everything you've done for me today. You made moving suck just a little bit less."

"It's no problem, young mentee of mine. Plus, the day isn't over just yet. Let's get that snack you promised me." She let go of me. And reluctantly, I let go of her too.

I motioned towards the door and she followed me in. I turned on the lights and walked into the living room. "Welcome to my humble abode! Please excuse the lack of personality here, I'm still unpacking the decor." I guided Kali to the living room and slipped of my hoodie, my t-shirt catching onto it just a bit. There was a slight blush on her face, causing me to give her a knowing smirk. "Do you want me to take your jacket?" She nodded and slipped off the light jacket she was wearing over her shirt. I hadn't noticed before, but the oatmeal color of her sweater complimented her olive skin, especially the exposed skin on her shoulder. I think she saw me staring because her blush got brighter and she nervously started adjusting her top.

I bit my lip and took both of our jackets to my bedroom and quickly reappeared to find Kali awkwardly looking around my living room. "Your home is lovely, Lachlan," she softly said when she realized I had returned.

"Well, I can give you a quick tour after we eat? My mom had bought some cookie dough the last time we came here so I was thinking milk and cookies. And maybe I could convince you to stay for a movie?" I gave her a pleading look, hoping it came off as playful even though I honestly didn't want her to leave soon.

She smiled and shook her head at me. "We'll see how I'm feeling after the milk and cookies." She nudged me towards the kitchen and I pulled the package of cookie dough from the pantry. "Yes! Chocolate chip is my favorite. It bakes at 375 degrees right?"

I read the the directions and nodded. "Yup! Good guess," I said pulling out the baking sheet from my cupboards.

"Not a guess, just an avid baker. Strictly boxes, of course. I don't have the patience to try to make it from scratch," she said as she took the box from me and read the ingredients on the back. "Do you mind?" she asked, motioning towards the fridge.

"Do as you please. This is probably my second time baking anything and I'm truly glad I was blessed with a professional baker." She laughed at me as she pulled out the eggs, butter, and milk from the fridge. "I didn't quite have you pegged as a baker, though." I pulled out the measuring cups and a big mixing bowl, sending a telepathic thank you to my mom for making sure I had all of this.

"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me," Kali said as she began to put the ingredients in the bowl. "Did you plan on helping or just watching me do all the work?" she asked with a playful smirk.

"Oh, of course! What do you need?" She passed me the bowl, the whisk sticking stiffly from the mixture. "Got it," I said as I began to mix the thick concoction. "And you're right, I don't know much about you. I'd like to learn more if you'd let me."

She bit the inside of her chick, thinking about my question. "Well, what would you like to know?"

"Do you have a last name?" I said with a smile.

She gave me a death glare. "It's Diaz, you idiot." She dipped her finger into the cookie batter and sighed with satisfied approval. "You?"

"It's Irwin, I'm related to the Crocodile Hunter." I tried to give her the most serious look I could fake, but she just stared at me blankly. "It's Power." She still gave me the same blank stare. "I'm serious this time!" I said throwing my hands up in defense.

"Lachlan Power," she said, her voice trailing off just a bit. My name sounded foreign coming from her mouth, but I had never heard it sound so beautiful. A smile slipped across her face. "It sounds like a cult chant." She imitated someone who was possessed and kept canting 'Lachlan Power' in a robotic voice.

"Don't be an ass about it. It's not exactly something I can change. Plus, it's be the coolest cult out there with a chant like that." I took some of the batter and taster in myself. It was delicious, better than anything I could have made myself. "I think the oven is ready for these babies. We worked together to make sure the scoops were as even as possible onto the pan. The cookies had the potential to be perfect. "So, do you have any siblings? I have three myself."

Kali nodded slowly, making sure the last dollop of cookie dough fit perfectly on the baking sheet. "Yes, a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest, can't you tell?" Her eyes remained focused on the clumps of dough before sliding it into the oven.

"Actually, no. You strike me more as a younger child."

"I get that a lot."

"I myself am a middle child. Can't you tell?" I said in a mocking tone.

"Actually, yes. You have that forgettable nature to you," she said as she licked some leftover batter from the whisk. She lifted it towards me, offering up a big glob with tons of chocolate chip on me.

"You're kind of a jerk," I said with a smile. "It's important that my friends have strong jerk tendencies."

"I'm happy I fit your qualifications, Mr. Power," she said with a faux curtsey. "I do believe it is time for the tour. After you?" she said, motioning me to enter my own living room.

I chuckled and linked her arm with my own, guiding her through the living room. "This here is the living room. You will see that there is a very comfortable couch that is perfect for naps as well as a television that is great for watching movies. The two complement each other beautifully. "She giggled at my terrible impersonation of those museum tour guides, but if I could keep hearing her laugh like she was, I wasn't going to stop any time soon. I opened the door to the master bedroom that hung right off of the living room. I didn't have much in there except my furniture. My walls were still bare but I had some pictures placed in my bookshelf. "This here is where the magic would happen if I had a proper social life, but until that picks up, this is where I will probably spend most of my days bumming about."

"I like the vibe your room is giving off. My room actually has about the same theme. Dark brown furniture, black accents and white everything else. It looks so clean and fresh to me. It reminds me of-"

"Winter.," I said, finishing her statement. "She nodded slowly, almost astonished that I knew she was thinking. "Yea, I love the snow. It's so calming."

"Yea, exactly." She bit her lip nervously. I felt the butterflies rile up in my stomach again. We looked at each other for a moment before I finally broke our gaze.

"Um, moving on with the tour we have the master bath equipped with both a standing shower and jacuzzi style tub, as well as a double sink. You will also find a walk in closet on either side of the entrance because obviously one isn't suitable for lone human being. Pressing on to the guest rooms!"

I showed her one of the guest rooms and paused at my office. I considered whether or not I wanted to let her see it. I never really took girls to my home when I lived with my parents so it was rare that anyone aside from my friends would see that space. I felt I could trust her, but i part of me didn't want her to see me differently because of that part of my life. I didn't consider myself famous or a celebrity in the least bit, but I have been fucked over in the past because people wanted to get their 15 minutes of attention and I just don't think I want to risk it. "Um, this is just an office. Right now I just have a bunch of crap stored in there but when it's ready, I'll be glad to show you."

She gave me an understanding smile, obviously noticing my hesitation. She looked like she was about to say something and just at that moment we heard a ding from the kitchen. "The cookies are ready," she said as she lead me into the kitchen. I grabbed my baking gloves and pulled out the hot pan and placed it on the counter. "They look and smell delicious," Kali gushed.

"They were made by a cult leader and a master baker, of course they were going to be perfect." I smiled at her and gave her a playful shove with my glove clad hand.

She grabbed the spatula and started placing the cookies on a plate and I grabbed two, wide cups of milk and brought them to my dining room table. I pulled out her chair for her and pushed her in and sat directly across from her.

"So, tell me more about yourself, Kali," I said, dipping my cookie into my milk and taking a huge bite out of it.

"Well, ok, so I was born and raised in New York for about 12 years until my parents decided to move down to Florida. It was a terrible point in my life but that's another story for another day. My dad is Dominican and my mom is Guatemalan, both immigrated here when they were in their teens. They really are my heroes and I owe everything I have to them. They were the perfect role models of what it means to be hardworking." She smiled to herself and chuckled. "I'm not sure what they were into but when they had me, they had this weird fascination with mythology. They named all of us based on what they wanted us to embody while still giving us pretty bad ass names, thus, I was named Kali, Goddess of Death," she said dramatically, "of the ego. Also, of compassion, but the wow factor isn't as high."

"I feel like that fits you pretty well."

"She's honestly pretty awesome. I decided to do my own research one her and she really is amazing. The stories of Hinduism are truly remarkable."

"Sure beat how I got my name." I hung my head, trying to muster up my inner 'sad puppy'.

"Family name?"

"Nope. When my mom was pregnant, she let my older sisters pick the name. They were playing with Scrabble pieces and 'LACHLAN' was the lucky winner. It could have been worse." She stared at me, mouth agape. I laughed, nearly choking on my cookie. "Nah, I'm actually named after one of my dad's childhood buddies, but it looks like I'm not the only gullible one."

"You're the worst kind of person, you know that?" She said, a smirk spread across her lips.

We talked for hours until finally, Kali looked at the clock and realized how late it was. "Shit, I have to go!" She scurried around the living room, slipping on her shoes and looking for anything else she may have missed.

I walked into my room and handed her her jacket. "I really wish you didn't," I said, a pang of sadness accompanying my voice.

She grabbed her jacket and slid it on. "Lachlan, it'll get easier, I promise." I looked at her, confusion clear on my face. "I know you don't want to be alone. I felt the same way when I moved back her after my incident. But you know what you have that I didn't? Someone super close by that would drop anything if I needed them. I'm going to be that for you, ok? I live like 10 minutes away and I'll have my phone on loud at all times in case you need me. Don't let this fear of change and the unknown consume you."

She bit her lip and hugged me tight. I hugged her back. It amazing that this girl that I had met just hours ago could already care so much for me. I wasn't used to this feeling, but I think I could get used to it. "Thanks, Kali. I really appreciate it. Text me when you get home, yea?" She nodded and walked out the door. I watched her as she got into her car and drove away.

I walked into my room and dropped onto my bed, reflecting on the twists and turns of the past 24 hours. To think that I had just been on a plane, and now, I stumbled across such an amazing person who I feel I truly relate to. I opened my nightstand and started scribbling in my journal, trying to write as much as I possibly could about this day, hoping I would never forget it.

 _December 7th/8th,_

 _Today was a bit of a rollercoaster. I was fully prepared to sulk and complain in here about how terrible today was and how much of a mistake I made. Well, I'm sorry to say that isn't gonna happen. The flight was long, the apartment is nice but still doesn't feel quite the same, group was awkward like always. Everyone seems genuine this time around, which is great but you know I'm not one to open up quickly. I did tell them I cut, which was probably obvious considering the kind of group it was. The turning point of the day, though, was when I was assigned a mentor. She's amazing, man. She's beautiful inside and out and I'm sure she's guaranteed to keep things interesting. She's kind of intense, in a good way and somehow, I ended the night with a tattoo that I never knew I needed but as I sit here looking at it, it's clear as day that it's that extra bit of self motivation that I've been missing._

 _Jesus, Kali really is great. I don't believe in love or destiny, but I can't help but think I needed to meet her. I'm not fully sure what the reason is, but I'm dying to find out. There's just so many levels to her and she seems to speak so openly about her experiences. I really want to gain that strength that she has. It's magnetic. It's making getting through this night a little bit more bearable, granted she's only been gone for like a half hour._

 _We spent 5 hours just talking, eating, goofing around and it felt so natural, so effortless. I've never had that with a girl before. I can't stop picturing her long, back length, wavy gray hair. I wish I could run my fingers through it. Her beautiful brown, almond shaped eyes that I could stare into forever. Her tanned, olive skin, so warm and smooth and it smells like vanilla. I could drown in her skin. Her bright smile, her one dimple on the right side, those perfect, full, red lips. Those lips will be the death of me._

 _I just wish I could help stop her pain. It's clear that she's still dealing with a lot, and I'm vowing from this moment on to be as big of a support system to her as she promised to be to me. Kali, I will do all I can for you, I promise._

 **Kali**

I stood in front of my car, staring at his front door. Was this real life? I felt so nervous. I haven't been alone with a ft since Reese, and not saying that there are romantic intentions present here, but it made me feel a little uneasy. Lachlan walked towards me, concern on his face and then suddenly, he was embracing me. I wasn't expecting it, but I eventually did return the kind gesture. Apparently I'm a lot easier to read than I thought, though it's clear Lachlan only invited me over because his doesn't want to be left her all by himself with just his thoughts. I've been there, I get it.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me today," his voice broke me away from my thoughts. "You made moving suck just a little bit less."

I smiled into his chest. "It's no problem, young mentee of mine. Plus, the day isn't over just yet. Let's get that snack you promised me." I pulled away from Lachlan and suddenly felt a pang of emptiness which I just tried to ignore.

We walked into his apartment and it was stunned. It was gorgeous, something that I had always wished for my place to be like, but unfortunately, didn't have the budget for. "Welcome to my humble abode! Please excuse the lack of personality here, I'm still unpacking the decor." I laughed as I followed him into the living room. He said it lacked personality, but based off of what I know about him so far, I felt it screamed Lachlan. I was looking around when I turned and saw him pulling off his hoodie, exposing his lower abs slightly. I felt my face get hot and it killed me once I realized a smirk crossed his face indicating that he noticed. "Do you want me to take your jacket?" I slipped off my jacket and felt his gaze lingering on me. I could feel my face getter hotter.

I started looking around hoping he would eventually vanish so I could collect myself. While he walked into his room, I looked around at the few decorations that he did put up including some pictures of him and what looks like his family, another picture of him and some friends at a party it seems, and lastly a picture of him and the rest of The Pack, his Youtube group. I examined him in all of the pictures, his facial cues and body language and felt guilty. I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I hadn't noticed the sadness in him. I was looking at a painting hanging above his couch when he walked back into the living room. "Your home is lovely, Lachlan."

He began the tour with the living room doing some weird impersonation that I couldn't quite figure out but found hilarious. I continued to laugh, my arm in his until we entered his bedroom. "This here is where the magic would happen if I had a proper social life, but until that picks up, this is where I will probably spend most of my days bumming about."

His energy of his room calmed me. "I like the vibe your room is giving off. My room actually has about the same theme. Dark brown furniture, black accents and white everything else. It looks so clean and fresh to me. It reminds me of -"

"Winter," he said, cutting me off. "Yea, I love the snow. It's so calming."

My heart skipped a bit. No one really understood me when I explained that to them, and it was crazy to me that me and this stranger could be on the same wavelength. "Yea, exactly." I looked into his eyes, biting my lip nervously. I felt like I was caught in a trance until he finally broke eye contact.

He fidgeted awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. "Um, moving on with the tour we have the master bath equipped with both a standing shower and jacuzzi style tub, as well as a double sink. You will also find a walk in closet on either side of the entrance because obviously one isn't suitable for lone human being. Pressing on to the guest rooms!" The guest rooms were beautiful, all with a slightly different themes but maintaining the modern look that tied into the rest of the apartment. He hesitated when he got to the last door. He looked concentrated in deep thought. "Um, this is just an office. Right now I just have a bunch of crap stored in there but when it's ready, I'll be glad to show you."

I gave him a smile and nodded. He thought I didn't know who he was, which is partially my fault since I hadn't exactly told him. I didn't know how to casually tell him, 'Hey, I literally watch you all the time. You are my literal happy place,' so instead I stayed quiet. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and I'm glad I didn't say anything since it's evident he didn't want to broadcast it. I toyed with the idea of telling him I had recognized him from Youtube, but the loud ding from the kitchen told me it was best not to. "The cookies are ready," I started, taking the lead this time and pulling him into the kitchen. "He pulled them out of the oven and they looked heavenly. "They look and smell delicious!"

He gave me a mischievous smile and gave me a playful shove. "They were made by a cult leader and a master baker, of course they were going to be perfect."

We quietly and efficiently got our milk and cookies set out on his dining room table. Lachlan grabbed a cookie and grabbed a cookie. "So, tell me more about yourself, Kali." He studied me carefully as he dipped his cookie in the milk and took a big bite.

I swallowed the cookie in my mouth, considering what to tell him."Well, ok, so I was born and raised in New York for about 12 years until my parents decided to move down to Florida. It was a terrible point in my life but that's another story for another day," I waved my hand at the thought, picking up another cookie and taking a quick bite. "My dad is Dominican and my mom is Guatemalan, both immigrated here when they were in their teens. They really are my heroes and I owe everything I have to them. They were the perfect role models of what it means to be hardworking." I thought about my parents and felt a pang of guilt. I hadn't seen them in a while, mainly due to being so stressed with work. I hadn't realized how much I missed them and all their little quirks. I laughed when I thought of the weird things they've done and still do. "I'm not sure what they were into but when they had me, they had this weird fascination with named all of us based on what they wanted us to embody while still giving us pretty bad ass names, thus, I was named Kali, Goddess of Death," I made my voice deeper and threw my hands in the air for effect, "of the ego. Also, of compassion, but the wow factor isn't as high."

Lachlan laughed and shook his head at my foolishness. "I feel like that fits you pretty well."

"She's honestly pretty awesome. I decided to do my own research one her and she really is amazing. The stories of Hinduism are truly remarkable."

"Sure beat how I got my name." I said it with slight disappointment, peaking my interest.

"Family name?"

"Nope. When my mom was pregnant, she let my older sisters pick the name. They were playing with Scrabble pieces and 'LACHLAN' was the lucky winner. It could have been worse." I stared at him in shock. He laughed, choking on his cookie. "Nah, I'm actually named after one of my dad's childhood buddies, but it looks like I'm not the only gullible one."

I gave him a death glare. "You're the worst kind of person, you know that?" I could feel a smile crossing my face.

He looked appalled. "You hurt my soul, Kali."

"Shut the fuck up," I said rolling my eyes at him. "What about you? Tell me something about yourself, Mr. Power. Make it good."

He thought carefully about what he would say next, pursing his lips together. "I've never told anyone this,but aside from my regrets of never attending university, I really would love to be a writer and a teacher for grade school." A smile crept across his face. "I keep this journal that my last therapist suggested I write in and I've used it to write stories for fairy tales that would teach kids real lessons, not just that bull shit of Prince Charming coming to save a damsel in distress."

I smiled at him. I've seen how great he can be with children in his videos and having the desire to make an actual impact is an even greater asset. "You'd really want to make a difference in their lives, wouldn't you?"

"Of course. My best teachers were my first. They essentially made me who I am today. I loved going to school everyday until I started dealing with teachers that didn't care. It always made me mad. Like if you don't give a fuck, why should I?" He dazed out for a bit and I didn't want to pull him from his thoughts. His ice blue eyes were focused on something behind me, his pink lips pursed together. What I would do to take a look inside his mind and see what I could do to help him. "You know," he said in an almost whisper, "I was just thinking. Do you think trying to get my stories out there would help me create my happiness?"

I smiled at the thought of him using my concept in his thought process. "I think having the courage to want to put yourself out there like that is definitely a solid start." I cautiously took his hand, hoping it came off as supportive instead of as a romantic gesture. "It's hard to follow your dreams, but it's better than letting yourself wallow in self pity and doubt. You know what I got my degree on?" He shook his head sheepishly. "Finance."

He started at me for a second and laughed. "I don't mean to laugh, but you don't strike me as the type of girl who would be good with a desk job."

"I'm not, but I tried to convince myself that I was because it was stable and secure, but I hated it."

"So why did you finish? Why not go back and do something else?"

"Do you know how expensive that piece of paper is here?" I laughed, not because it was funny but because it was truly ridiculous. "I'm buried in debt and if I had tried to do something else, that would be coming out of my pocket or adding to my pile of loans. Plus, I wasn't certain about what I wanted to do, really; not until my graduating semester. I've always wanted to help people and I justified my degree by telling myself I would do the finances for a non profit organization once I was established in my field, and I was content believing that until I got involved with student based offices and saw the impact it really made, especially on minority student like myself. I got involved in peer mentoring and haven't looked back. I'm applying to grad school now and am already working on the field and I couldn't be happier career wise. Following the path laid before may be easy, but it doesn't make it worth it. Don't be afraid to veer off a little and see what's out there, Lachlan."

He stared at me, stunned. "You give great advice, you know? I've never had anyone be so real with me, as bad as that sounds, at least not about my future on this sense. My parents and siblings knew what they wanted to be at very young ages and followed through, but I was always the quitter. Yet another reason I'm sure my parents see me as a disappointment."

I swatted the idea away. "I'm sure they aren't disappointed in you, Lachlan. Look, I don't know your story, but I can tell a couple of things about you. You're kind and compassionate," I gave his hand a squeeze. "You're determined and a risk taker," I gestured towards his new ink, "and you're a go getter. You moved out here by yourself for fuck's sake! You want to make great change, not only in yourself, but for others and the future of humanity. How could that be disappointing to anyone?"

He gave me a sad smile and shook his head in defeat. "That all sounds great in theory, Kal, but you don't know my family." My body tensed for a second, more so from surprise than anything else. "Are you ok?"

"Yea, it's just, um, did you just call me Kal?" I saw a slight blush of embarrassment creep across his face. My face reddened in response.

He fidgeted nervously. "Sorry, is that weird? I heard Mikey call you that and just figured-"

"Stop." I said with a smile. "It's fine. More than fine, really. I hadn't realized we were on a nickname basis, Power." I cocked my eyebrow playfully as a wide grin covered his face. "Did we just become friends?"

"I'm not really into labels, you know," he said in a faux cool guy voice before bursting into laughter.

"I fucking hate you," I said laughing and shoving him across the table. My eyes wandered to the clock on the stove. _3:14_. "Shit, I have to go!" I got up and gestured my belonging I slipped on my shows and threw on my bag, but I was still missing something.

I didn't realize he had left until he returned with my jacket in hand and sadness all over his face. "I really wish you didn't."

"Lachlan," I breathed as I quickly slipped on my jacket, "it'll get easier, I promise. I know you don't want to be alone. I felt the same way when I moved back her after my incident. But you know what you have that I didn't? Someone super close by that would drop anything if I needed them. I'm going to be that for you, ok? I live like 10 minutes away and I'll have my phone on loud at all times in case you need me. Don't let this fear of change and the unknown consume you." I wanted to comfort him in this vulnerable time, so I took him in my arms, his warm body against mine. A second later I felt his strong arms hug me back.

"Thanks, Kali. I really appreciate it. Text me when you get home, yea?"

I needed and walked out the door and to my car, letting my thought consume me until I had arrived home.I got ready for bed quickly, praying that I would get a solid six hours so I didn't feel like a complete zombie the next day. I laid down and sent Lachlan a quick text saying I had made it home safely and that I was heading to sleep. Almost immediately he responded telling me to have sweet dreams. I smiled and pulled up the Youtube app and saw that he posted a new vlog entitled 'BIG ANNOUNCEMENT' and clicked it.

"Alrighty guys, what's going on? It is Lachlan here…" his intro engrained in my memory. I closed my eyes as he proceed to announce his move to Florida until his gentle voice soothed me to sleep.


	5. Chapter Five: My Normal

**Lachlan**

I woke up around two in the afternoon when I got a phone call from Mitch telling me to get on the Skype call with everyone else. Apparently I was late...again. I rubbed my eyes and stretched, dreading getting out of the safe haven that is my bed. I begrudgingly walked out of my bedroom and through the living room, the afternoon sun beaming through the balcony window. I walked into my office and settled into my chair, turning on the computer and the monitor directly in front of me. I quickly clicked around my screen and entered the Skype call with my Youtube group, The Pack.

"He has finally graced us with his presence!" Rob announced as my face populated onto the screen along with my five other friends.

"Lachlan, it is my pleasure to officially welcome you to the land of the free, the home of the brave, and the happiest place on earth," Jerome sang into his microphone. "How was day one as an official resident of the Sunshine State, man?"

"Better than I anticipated. My therapist and support group aren't as cringey as I thought they'd be," I said, butterflies returning to my stomach as the previous night with Kali crossed my mind.

"I'm glad you're taking it well, man. I hate to say it but you know we worry about you and if you ever need anything, we're only a couple of hours away," Mitch said, concern evident in his voice.

My friends knew I had tried to kill myself last year. I reached out to them after I was able to leave the hospital and go into a temporary institution. They knew I had cut every now and then, but I never let on to how serious it was until it was almost too late. They have been extremely supportive in all of this and have done all they can to learn about the reasons why people decide to self harm or commit suicide and how to support people that have depression. They've helped me more than they know honestly. They are my second family and I will always be grateful for the love and compassion they have given me, even though I was physically distant from them. When I was able to go home, I came back to find all five of them waiting for me. I really couldn't ask for better people to surround myself with.

"Well, I mean, there is something that made it a little bit more bearable," I let my voice trail off and looked away from the camera, knowing good and well I would pique their interest.

"Oh do tell," Rob said, tapping his fingers cynically in front of his face.

"Dude, you really haven't been in Florida for a literal day and already found a girl, have you?" Preston said, a mixture of disbelief and happiness evident on his face.

"You got yourself a girlfriend, Lachlan?" Vikk exclaimed from the corner of my screen.

I laughed and ran my hands through my hair. I could feel my face beginning to blush.

"Wait, what the fuck is that?" Vikk said, pointing at the screen. I looked at him, confused as I watched everyone's eyes shift across their screen, presumably wondering what Vikk was talking about. "Your arm, Lachlan! When the hell did you get that?"

I lifted my left arm and looked at the fluid letters inked on my skin and smiled. "I gave myself a 'Welcome to America' present," I said as I extended it for everyone to see. The reactions on my friends' faces were priceless. You could see the disbelief, awe, intrigue, and concern on each of their faces. "It's just a positive reminder as to why I'm here."

"Great message and all but you know that's permanent, right?" Preston asked, his face showing the most disbelief and concern of the group.

"Obviously he knows that, Preston. It looks sick man," Jerome said supportively.

"I'm digging the location, dude. Whatever you need to remind yourself to be happy, I support," Rob said shooting me a thumbs up. "Anyway, onto more important things. So this girl Vikk diverted our attention from, Lachlan."

I nodded at them nervously, wondering if I should tell them I was motivated by _her_ to get it. "Well, her name is Kali and she's a member of the support group that I'm part of. She's actually like my mentor in the group, like a peer counselor or something of the sort, but she's amazing."

"Yea, yea, but what does this Kali look like? Sounds like a hot girl name," Mitch said, a mischievous smile spread across his face. I felt my face redden. "Ahh she is! Give us the details, paint us a picture!"

"Shit, ok. Well, she's like a foot shorter than me and has this nice, soft olive skin. She has like the most perfect lips I've ever seen, and before you judge me, no, I didn't look at the rest of her like some sort of pervert." They all rolled their eyes at me, not believing me for a second but knowing I felt uncomfortable trying to describe her many physical attributes to them. "I don't know, guys. She's something I've never experienced before. She's like, this short little thing with so much energy and life in her. Like I really want to get to know everything about her and I've never felt that way about a girl and it's tripping me out." I felt myself daze out for a second, just imagining the feel of her in my arms and the unintentionally seductive way she bites her lip. I heard one of them clear their voice, bringing me back to earth. They all stared at me in silence, an expectant look on each of their faces waiting for me to not hold back. "Fine, she has like a really great ass and nice tits, not that I could really see them through her sweater, but solid Cs for sure. You pervs happy now?"

They all laughed, obviously taking some cruel pleasure in my discomfort. "We just wanted you to realize that deep down, you're a perv like the rest of us," Mitch said through his huge smile.

"Yea, but she obviously has some spell on you," Jerome cut in. "If you don't fuck it up, you should bring her with when you come for holidays. We get to meet this creature that has captured our little Lachlan's heart."

I felt the blush creep across my face again. "Kali hasn't captured my heart. She's great and everything, but we are just friends. She's my only friend here so far and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't know if introducing her to you guys is really that smart."

"Ouch, I feel hurt for them," Vikk said, placing his hand over his heart. "But guys, enough with the bull shitting, we need to get to work. I have like two videos to edit before going to sleep today."

"Fine, but don't think we're done talking about this new girl, Lachlan!" Rob exclaimed as we all started getting ready to play a huge game of Cards Against Humanity.

We recorded for a couple of hours, mainly just making fun of each other and indulging in the fucked up nature of the game. I went to scratch my arm and cringed at the slight pain. I looked at my arm and stared at the tattoo still fresh on my arm. The flush of regret washed over me again. I am here for a new start, is it really not too late to go back to school? I grabbed my phone as the guys were making fun of Preston for one of the cards he chose as the winner. I found Kali's number and opened up a new message and froze. I didn't know what to say and the thought of texting her made me incredibly nervous. I kept writing messages asking about her day and deleting them out of fear that I was coming on too strong. I didn't know what kind of vibe I wanted to give off to her. I eventually decided to text her the safest thing I could fathom:

 **LACHLAN** : _Hey Kal_

Was it imaginative? No, but I wanted to talk to her and not overwhelm her with questions right off the bat. I tried to shift my attention back to the game when my phone buzzed on my desk.

 **KALI:** _Hey Power, what's up?_

The butterflies in my stomach fluttered as I read her words, hearing her say them in her silky voice. I smiled as I pictured her in front of me, her awkwardly folding her arms across her chest as she bit her lip. She probably doesn't realize how adorable she really is.

 **LACHLAN** _: Nothing much, just catching up with some friends. How's work? You're not too tired are you?_

I bit my lip nervously, knowing good and well it was my fault she was up so late. She knew I needed her and is too nice of a person to have left me alone. A pang of guilt ran through me.

 **KALI** _: I'm currently dying a slow and painful death due to exhaustion, but it was worth it. You needed someone there for you yesterday and I'm glad I was able to help._

I felt a smile creep onto my face. I really am glad she was there for me, and I'm sure she knows how much I appreciated it. Who knows how yesterday would have gone if I was left alone?

 **LACHLAN** _: I really do appreciate it, Kal. It meant more than you know. You actually had me thinking about something last night and I wanted to ask you something_

 **KALI** _: Shoot_

I gulped and nervously typed my message out. I hadn't told my friends about my regrets of not going to college or even how I wanted to be a teacher and a writer one day. I knew they would support me, but I didn't know if I had enough faith in myself to do it. I feared failure, and I always have. That's one of the main reasons I usually quit everything and can't quite commit to much. Youtube is the first thing I can remember putting my everything into, and even then it's not really me, it's just a semi false persona that oozes happiness and positivity. I let out a deep sigh and sent her a message regarding what had been running through my mind.

 **LACHLAN** _: I've been thinking about what you said, about our regrets and stuff. I don't want to wonder about what ifs and why nots anymore. Do you mind if we hang out again tonight? There's something I wanted to talk to you about._

I nervously awaited her reply. I knew she was working at the university near by as well as taking classes there so I know she's knowledgable enough. I tried to focus back on the game, realizing I had said little to nothing in the past couple of minutes. I tuned back in as Vikk was telling us a story about how Simon, one of his other Youtube friends from back home, pranked him while he was sleeping.

"So I woke up to find my hand in this bucket of wet stringy stuff and immediately flipped my shit because I thought it was worms. I screamed like a little bitch, kicked the bucket over, rolled out of bed to get out of my room and ended up busting my ass because I slipped on the pile by my bed. Just as I was about throw up from being covered in worms, I realized it was pasta. I looked by my window and saw a light from the corner of my room to see that ass hole recording me and laughing hysterically. So yea that was my exciting weekend," Vikk said with an exasperated sigh.

My friends and I all laughed. As traumatized as I'm sure Vikk is right now, we all know we would pay to see him freak out like that. "Well at least you didn't have to travel very far to get dinner," Preston gasped in between his heaves of laughter.

"I need to see this, when is he posting it," I asked, wiping a tear that had fallen from my eye from laughing so hard.

Vikk grumbled in despair. "Tomorrow. You know, as great as it is to live with your friends, I'm not quite sure it outweighs the emotional distress you go through wondering if your safe from embarrassment or not."

Jerome let out a hearty laugh. "It doesn't, but the memories are still pretty great."

I thought back to the times I would spend a month or so with each of them. We always had such a great time and those really are memories I would cherish forever. I sometimes wish it was a little more permanent, like Vikk living with the Sidemen or Jerome and Mitch being housemates. It seems like it would never get lonely.

I felt my phone vibrate on my desk, bringing me back from some potentially depressing thoughts.

 **KALI** _: Of course. I'll pick you up after work around 6:30? I could make us some dinner since based on your fridge you're not having a home cooked meal anytime soon :P_

I laughed and quickly messaged her back saying ok.

"Earth to Lachlan!" I heard Mitch scream. I snapped my head up to look at their faces on my screen. The game had finished and I didn't even notice. "Were you even listening?"

I shook my head. "Not even a little bit to be honest."

Mitch rolled his eyes at me. "I asked if you were coming to St. Pete this weekend? We could also go to Orlando if you'd like."

"I, uh, actually already have plans this weekend," I said, my voice trailing off. I tried my best to sound nonchalant, but I already knew my face was getting pink.

"Oh it's that girl isn't it! You guys going on a date or something?" Jerome asked, interest clear in his eyes.

"It's nothing too serious. She called it a date but I knew she didn't mean like a date date. We're just going to Downtown Disney to play Pokemon. It's not a big deal, I swear."

"You know you're a terrible liar, right?" Rob cut in.

"There's nothing to even lie about! I barely know her!" I plead.

"Yea but you've already tried to picture her naked at least three times since you've met her, right?" Mitch jabbed.

"Guys come on. We all know I'm not the relationship type anyway. And trying to balance a romance while I'm here to recover would be a mistake. Can we just drop it and forget that I ever mentioned her, ok? I don't know why I even brought her up to you guys. It really is nothing." I said, my heart dropping as the words escaped my mouth.

"Bro, who are you trying to convince? Us or you?" Preston asked. I didn't know the answer.

 **Kali**

Thursdays at work are usually the worst. I'm not sure why, but that's when shit hits

the fan almost like clockwork and me and Campbell have to basically figure out everyone's problems on our own. Believe me, I love my job. They're paying my tuition and give me super flexible hours, but that doesn't mean I really enjoy dealing with their bull shit, especially when I got like four hours of sleep the night before.

I walked into the department, praying that it was going to be a calm day, though I knew it wasn't. I looked at the schedule the night before and knew we had the really difficult students scheduled to come in today. I took a deep breath before pushing the door open and seeing a fresh pile of paperwork waiting for me sitting on my desk. I sat down and started sorting through the different folders based on what I had to do for each student's profile. I sat back in my chair, already feeling the sleep-deprived migraine settling in. I let out an exasperated sigh, but couldn't help but feel a smile come across my face. Last night really was amazing and I hadn't realized how much I needed a night to just unwind and start over. The fact that I was starting over with Lachlan freakin Power definitely helps as well. I was starstruck, I can't lie. I had decided to keep the interaction to myself for a few reasons.

One is because I didn't want my friends getting worried about me for spending time with someone new. I had gotten pretty bad after Reese and I had broken up, so as valid as their fears were, I have been doing so much better these last few months and don't plan on turning back.

The second is my desire to just keep it to myself. I don't mind leaving this as a personal interaction for just me and him, especially because the entire reason we met was because of something very personal for both of us. If I were asked how did we meet, I wouldn't even know what to say. I'm a bad liar so it's not like it wouldn't be a dead give away.

The last reason is because none of my friends know who the fuck he is. Everyone makes fun of me for watching gaming videos, especially Minecraft videos, because I literally lack the coordination to play video games. Actually, the only person who could probably recognize him by face or voice was…

 _How could I not recognize it? I only had to listen to his voice every night of our relationship. To think I'm the one that convinced you that you had a crush on him. I guess that really worked out in my favor, huh?_

I shook the sound of Reese's voice ringing in my ears just as Campbell walked in, the smile quickly fading from his face. "Are you ok?"

"Yea, I'm doing great. Just a bit of a migraine. I didn't sleep all that great last night so obviously today is going to be super!" I said with faux enthusiasm.

Campbell dimmed the lights in my office and sat across from me at my desk. "Hey, I was just gonna let you know that I was leaving early today but if you need me to grab any of this and get it done, I don't mind."

"It's ok, I'm here until six so I'll be able to get it done." I gave him a weak smile and he reluctantly nodded, knowing good and well I wasn't going to let him help.

He let out a deep sigh and got up from the chair, "well, I'm going to bring you tea at the very least and I'm not taking no for an answer." He gave me a wink and closed the door behind him. He returned a few minutes later with a hot cup of cinnamon apple tea, a small bottle of water, and a fresh glazed doughnut. "I brought the water in case you were going to take your pills. Plus I know you never factor in enough time for breakfast, so tada!" I gave him a grateful smile. He left once again and left me to the mountain of work before me.

I was able to get most of my work done fairly quickly. A lot of it wasn't difficulty, mainly just data entry and revision. I was focused until I felt my phone vibrate in my bag. I pulled it out and my heart skipped a beat.

 **LACHLAN** : _Hey Kal_

I quickly typed something back.

 **KALI:** _Hey Power, what's up?_

I tried not to think too much into the fact that he's messaging and tried to keep my focus.

 **LACHLAN** _: Nothing much, just catching up with some friends. How's work? You're not too tired are you?_

I felt a slight blush creep across my face, a reaction to Lachlan's mild concern for me.

 **KALI** _: I'm currently dying a slow and painful death due to exhaustion, but it was worth it. You needed someone there for you yesterday and I'm glad I was able to help._

 **LACHLAN** _: I really do appreciate it, Kal. It meant more than you know. You actually had me thinking about something last night and I wanted to ask you something_

I felt my nerves rile up. I have no idea what he was thinking or what he could possibly want to ask, but I knew that my brain wouldn't stop thinking about the possibilities until he told me.

 **KALI** _: Shoot_

I couldn't even focus on my work at this point. I stared mindlessly at my phone, waiting for the message to pop up on my screen. It felt like an eternity until I saw his name show up.

 **LACHLAN** _: I've been thinking about what you said, about our regrets and stuff. I don't want to wonder about what ifs and why nots anymore. Do you mind if we hang out again tonight? There's something I wanted to talk to you about._

I read the message and the butterflies in my stomach erupted. He wanted to see me again, and so soon. The thought made me feel a little light headed, the starstruck feeling returning at full blast. As I was in the midst of responding, I heard someone come in the office.

"Hey, Kali, did you finish updating those student profiles for me?" asked Ms. Meyers, the director of the office.

"Um, yes I did," I said, passing her a thick stack of folders. "Actually I wanted to bring something up to you as well. I noticed some inconsistencies in the administrative forms you wanted me to look over yesterday and I was thinking of possibly creating a more condensed form for office expenses? Kind of streamlining the process so it isn't such a hassle to compare everything later on?" I looked at her hopefully. One thing I had learned while working in the university is that people are really stuck in their ways so if something is going to change, it better be a quick and easy fix.

She looked at me in silence, her expression hard to read. "You know," she said, sifting through the folders in her hands, "we've used this process for almost three years now." She looked me dead in the eye and I dropped my head, feeling as though my idea was already put to rest. "Create a draft as soon as possible. We'll review it during the staff meeting next week," she said as she quickly turned around left my office.

I couldn't help but smile. A lot of the coordinators have acknowledged the work that I've been putting into my job, but it felt different having had a chance to present something directly to the director. Getting in her good graces could be monumental for me, especially as a reference after graduating in a couple of years. I was so caught up in my little moment, I had almost forgotten to write back to Lachlan. Almost.

 **KALI** _: Of course. I'll pick you up after work around 6:30? I could make us some dinner since based on your fridge you're not having a home cooked meal anytime soon :P_

Almost immediately I got a text back.

 **LACHLAN** _: Ok, it's a date :)_

And there goes the butterflies.

I was running a little bit late. I hadn't left work at six like I was supposed to, not that I ever actually leave work on time. I rushed to my car and waited until it warmed up, checking myself in the mirror and making sure I looked human enough to see Lachlan. My curls began to get a little unruly throughout the day, probably because of my stress induced fidgeting. I quickly did some french braids, taming my locks just enough. I nervously played with the hoop pierced through my tragus as I waited for the car to finish warming up. I was getting antsy. I watched as another minute ticked by on the clock and decided my car was warm enough to not break down on me.

I drove as fast as legally possible until I got to Lachlan's complex. As I was getting ready to text him and ask for his gate code, I saw him walking towards the front gate and slowly approach my car.

"I was just about to text you," I said, opening the car door for him. I took in the vision in front of me. He had on this really nice cream sweater, dark denim jeans, and brown desert boots, but my attention immediately shifted to how red his nose was from walking in the cold.

"Oh I know it. My Kali senses were tingling so I decided to meet you here," he said as he slid into my passenger seat. "One of the perks of being a great cult leader." He gave me a playful wink and all I could do was hope my face wasn't as red as it felt.

"Welcome to casa de Kali," leading him into my apartment. "My roommates actually left this afternoon for a wedding so fortunately they will not be making an appearance." I took off my jacket and slid it on the back of one of out dining room chairs.

"Don't you mean unfortunately?" he asked, his eyebrow cocked in amusement.

"No, no. I mean fortunately. I love them to death but they make it a point to embarrassment in front of any guest I bring home, extra points if it's a guy," I said rolling my eyes.

"Well don't they sound lovely," he said with a grin, entering our small kitchen. "This is a really charming place. It has a really good homey feeling."

I followed him inside. "You can thank my roommates for that. They decorated this whole place. If it was left up to me, it would still be plain. I'm too indecisive for extensive decorating in such an open area." I went to the fridge and grabbed out some chicken breasts. "Are you ok with some chicken and potatoes? I'm not exactly a master chef but I can kill some classics."

I heard his stomach grumble, almost as a response to my question. "Literally anything would be just perfect," he said with a smile, running his fingers through his hair. I began to prep the chicken, deciding to make it a lemon garlic bake with some asparagus and sliced baked potatoes. "Need any help?" he asked, rolling up his sleeves a tad bit showing he was ready to work.

I gave him a smile and nodded. "Do you mind putting the oven to 350 and getting the baking pan out of there? And wrapping that with aluminum foil as well. It in the drawer right next to it."

He moved quickly, completing my orders just as I asked. Together, we placed everything on the pan and slid it into the oven. We washed our hands quickly and I felt him staring at me. "Can I help you with something?" I asked with a smile.

"Well? Aren't you gonna show me around?" he asked, his arms placed on his hips as he waited for my reply.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're so dramatic!" I linked his arm in mine and pulled him. "Come on, I only really have my room to show you since you literally walked into the living, dining, and kitchen areas already." I guided him to the last door on the left of the short hall way. "Welcome to my cave," I said, motioning toward my room. It wasn't very large, but I definitely made the best out of the space. I had a really big closet so I opted to not get a dresser and instead get a shelf set to display the prized trinkets I had collected over the years as well as stacks of books and my ridiculous nail polish collection. On either side of my bed, I had hanging shelves with even more books, as well as picture frames and ceramic pieces. I had a desk that housed both my laptop and a small television I had had for awhile but very rarely used. It was a tight fit, but it was perfectly me and I loved it.

"That's fuckin beautiful," Lachlan breathed, his eyes transfixed on the mural that spanned behind my bed. Against a white wall were dark brown, painted trees, creating the feel of bare trees during a cold and white winter. They were beautifully intertwined, much like a real forest and it made me feel protected. "It's winter. You created winter." I felt his arm unwrap from mine and he took in my room, really getting to see a part of me that is honestly rarely seen. He slid his hand into mine and looked at me. "You intrigued me beyond belief, and it scares the hell out of me."

I felt a blush spread across my cheeks and I quickly looked away, making sure, however, that my hand didn't leave his. He walked around my bed, examining the books elevated on my walls. He ran his fingers over the random assortment of titles: _A Child Called It, Running With Scissors, Story Time, Perfect Chemistry, A Journey into the Deaf-World_. He stopped on the last title and lifted it from the shelf. "That was a textbook from one of my classes. Honestly, one of the most eye opening books I've read of all time and literally the only textbook I read cover to cover."

"You took a class about Deaf people?" He asked, confusion evident on his face as he skimmed through the book.

I shook my head, I could feel a smile coming onto my face. "It's so much more than that. I learned about a whole new culture I would have never really known existed. I took it as an elective and I literally fell in love. They are such a strong and widespread community with such a rich history that really is never told unless you look for it. Like, did you know it was banned to teach signed language to students worldwide and children were therefore forced to learn to speak? Can you imagine how difficult that is?" He shook his head. "Exactly, no one can unless you went through it. And they had their language taken away from them for convenience to people who had the ability to hear. That happened over a century ago and schools are just now teaching Deaf students ASL, and even then they're fucking that up for them, but that's another story for another time." I waved my hand in the air, motioning that my rant was over. I looked back at Lachlan and he was just watching me. "What?"

"I wish I was as passionate about one thing as you seem to be about everything." He let out a soft chuckle and placed the book back on the shelf. "Do you know how to sign?" I nodded slowly. "Can you teach me something?"

I pulled him back in the living room and sat him on the couch, facing me. I lifted my right hand up and faced it towards him and he did the same. "Ok, so I'm going to show you the alpha- wait, why do you even want to learn?" I asked him.

"Why did you want to learn?" He looked me dead in my eyes, as if he were peering into my soul.

Well, remember how I said I couldn't really communicate with my grandma and how I regretted it?" He nodded attentively. "Well, I was given the luxury of being surrounded by people who could speak for me if I needed them to, like my cousins and parents. Well, one day at work, I had to do a check in for a student, a new girl that I had never seen before. I was going over a long list of information and I wasn't really looking at her most of the time. I kept looking away, blocking my face, mumbling, all these little things that people aren't usually aware of. About five minutes in, I had realized she had this really sad look on her face. She pointed to her ears and shook her head. She was Deaf. We didn't have anyone who knew how to sign in the office, so I basically just had her read a page of information and answered any questions she had via a notepad and pen. I felt so guilty in that moment. I was so stuck in my own world that the thought of having someone physically not understand me hurt me. I felt like everything I had learned from that textbook literally meant nothing because I overlooked her just like she was used to. That same afternoon, I searched for local classes and enrolled. I'm not exactly fluent yet, but I'm conversational and still learning more everyday. My hope and goal is to act as a voice for those who don't have one and step in if I'm needed. If I could make it easier for a group of people, why wouldn't I, you know?"

"Exactly. And that's why I want to learn. If I'm going to be a teacher one day, shouldn't I be able to communicate with all my potential students?"

I looked at him in slight disbelief. "You're serious about this aren't you? Becoming a teacher?" Just then it all clicked. "Is this what you wanted to talk about? The what ifs and why nots?"

He nodded. "Yea, it is. I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I know you work at the university, and I think I'm ready to look into starting classes."

I looked at him hard, trying to gauge how determined he really was about this. I couldn't sense any traces of doubt. He was serious about this. "Well, what would you like to know?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. "What do I need to do really? What are my options?"

"How soon were you looking to start?"

"January, if possible." He looked at me intently, his gaze not wavering.

"Jesus, look at you being impulsive," I said with a grin.

He smiled back. "I learned it from you, oh great mentor."

"Please, call me sensei," I said, waving him off before we both laughed. "But seriously, there is no way you'll be able to get into a program in less than a month." His smile dropped. "However," I said, lifting a figure, indicating that there was still hope, "you can enroll at the state college here and take classes for your personal interest like basic English or social science classes you'll need to get a degree anyway and start you application for the fall. What were your grades like in high school?"

He looked at me and grimaced. "Like I told you, school wasn't really my thing as I got older."

I nodded reassuringly. "It's ok. You'll be able to take courses at the state college until you eventually get your Associate's degree and then you can transfer to a university if that's what you'd like. The state college here and the university have a direct connect program that basically guarantees you admission. That may be your best bet."

He looked at me for a moment and then pulled me into a hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

I felt too awkward in the moment to hug him back. "For what?" I mumbled.

He let me go and looked and me with a huge smile. "For believing in my dreams."

"You've got what it takes to make your dreams come true. I'd be an idiot not to bet on you."

"Jesus Christ, you're corny. I feel like you just spat up a Hallmark card." He busted out laughing, falling back on the couch and clutching his stomach.

"Dammit, Lachlan! I was trying to be supportive," I said shoving him off the couch. I laughed as I saw him roll off. "Fuck you, man."

"Ouch!" he yelped, crawling back on the sofa. "That is friendship abuse. I think that makes you the worse kind of person now," he said, sticking out his tongue at me.

"Oh grow up!"

"Absolutely not. My happiness lies in a childlike state of mind."

I sighed. "And with that logic, I cannot argue."

"Exactly. Now teach me how to speak with my hands, sensei," he said, lifting his right hand and facing it towards me.

I laughed and obliged. We went through the manual alphabet which he picked up pretty fast. I showed him how to introduce himself and how to spell out his first and last name. 'HELLO - MY - NAME - L-A-C-H-L-A-N P-O-W-E-R. YOUR - NAME - WHAT?'

Once he felt comfortable with that, I showed him some other basic signs, like how to count from one to ten, how to say home, yes and no, like and don't like, want and don't want, and some basic etiquette when signing. Just as I was about to call the lesson to an end, he grabbed my hand and motioned for me to look at him. He held his hand in my line of vision and I looked him in his beautiful, ice blue eyes as he signed something I had never expected. 'I - LIKE - YOU - K-A-L-I' His finger lingered in my direction before I saw him pull it away and quickly turn a pale pink color.

I felt my face redden as I lifted my hand and placed it between us. I bit my lip nervously as I began to repeat the signs he had just done. 'I - LIKE - YOU - L-A-C-H-L-A-N'

I heard him exhale a breath he had apparently been holding in, and I unconsciously did the same. We looked into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity until he inched a little closer. I did the same. I could feel his breath on my lips. I was about to kiss Lachlan, the literal man of my dreams.

 _Ding!_

"Dinner," I whispered softly.

"Yea," he said in a breathy voice. We both pulled away simultaneously and got up to head to the kitchen.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.


	6. Chapter Six: Disney Confessional

**Lachlan**

I heard soft music playing in the background, a Secondhand Serenade kind of song. I looked around the white, empty room, almost blinded by the blank space. I looked around, confused as to where I was. There were no doors, no escape anywhere. I felt my chest getting tight. _Where the fuck was I?_ Just as I could feel the onset of a panic attack, I felt someone grab my shoulder.

"It's ok, Lachlan," I heard Kali say softly. I turned and looked at her. She was wearing a white bohemian looking dress, exposing her beautifully tanned shoulders and her long, thin arms. Her dark gray hair cascaded into long, loose curls down her back. She had these white flowers placed throughout her hair, creating this halo above her. She looked like an angel. "I'm here to protect you. You don't need to worry anymore."

She slid her arms around my neck, her light brown eyes peering into my very being. I looked at the freckles that were sprinkled across her face and saw her dimples appear as my eyes made their way to her plump lips.

I looked back into her eyes, placing my arms around her waist. "Kal, where are we?"

She propped herself onto her toes and whispered gently into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "We're wherever you want us to be."

Just then, little snowflakes started falling from the ceiling, one perfectly landing on the tip of her nose. I leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss on it, melting it away. "I think I like it right here," I said, watching a pink blush cross her cheeks.

"I think I do to," she said, her words beginning to trail off. She closed her eyes and slowly leaned into me. I did the same, my stomach fluttering as the thought of our lips touching finally felt like a reality.

Suddenly, I no longer felt her in my arms. The once blinding white room was turning into a dark, stormy gray. "Kali!" I screamed, urging her to come back. "Kali!" I yelled, sitting up in my bed, sweat dripping down my neck. Was that really a dream? I let out a deep sigh. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the almost kiss Kali and I had on Thursday. I was crazy for telling her I liked her. I had known her for literally 24 hours and of course I scared her off. I came off way too strong. I mean, she did say she liked me too, but what if she was just saying it because I did?

"Fuck this, man," I said aloud, groggily getting up from bed. I hadn't seen her since then, but we did talk all day yesterday. We didn't discuss anything important really, just banter, but today is the day we go to Downtown Disney. I was hit with an uneasy feeling. _Is this a date or are we actually going as friends?_ I know when she first mentioned it, she said it was a date, but I know that's not what she meant, but do the circumstances of two days ago change things up?

I made my way into the kitchen and made a quick breakfast, or I guess it was technically lunch. It was about one in the afternoon and I didn't have anything to do until I had to pick up my car around six. I brought the bowl of cereal I had prepared into my office and ate while I finished editing a video I had recorded yesterday and waited for it to export. I was getting ready to record a challenge video for my main channel when I got a random Skype message.

 **MITCH** _ **:**_ _Oh, is it Saturday already? Do we all know what this means?_

 **ROB** _: *begins to slow chant* date night. Date Night. Date Night! DATE NIGHT!_

 **VIKK** _: I reckon it's date night, Mitch. Isn't that right, Lachlan?_

 **PRESTON** _: You ready, man?_

 **JEROME** _: Is the boy to shy to kiss the girl?_

 **ROB** _: Jesus, did you really just make a Disney reference? How tacky._

I rolled my eyes at the screen. I had made the very bad decision of telling my friends about what happened last time I saw Kali, and they literally will not get off my back about it.

 **MITCH** _: Do you guys think she's ready for the Big L?_

 **JEROME** _: Of course she is. She's probably peeved that this dickhead didn't try to kiss her again that night_

 **PRESTON** _: Kali? More like Kal-iss me already, Lachlan. Am I right?_

 **PRESTON** _: *crickets*_

 **ROB** _: JFC Preston please, I beg, quit while you're behind_

 **VIKK** : _Lachlan, I know you're reading this, you ass. Get in here!_

I sighed and finally gave in.

 **LACHLAN** _: Have I told you lately how much I hate you all?_

 **ROB** _: Not today, but thanks for the gentle reminder, man_

 **MITCH** _: Dude, are you ready for tonight? Do we need to give you the talk?_

 **JEROME** _: When a girl and a boy like each other very much…_

 **LACHLAN** _: Please, shut the actual fuck up, Jerome_

 **PRESTON** _: Someone's grumpy. What crawled up your ass?_

 **VIKK** _: Lachlan, are you really that nervous for tonight? I'm being forreal_

 **LACHLAN** _: …._

 **ROB** _: Holy shit you are. Guys, this is a code red! The ladies man, Lachlan Power himself, is nervous for a date_

 **LACHLAN** _: Oh fuck off Rob. We all know I don't do dates. This is weird as shit for me._

 **LACHLAN** _: Like how does one conduct himself on a date? Teach me to be datable by 8 PM_

I immediately regretted sending that last message. I literally received their responses simultaneously.

 **PRESTON** _: Be yourself, man. She obviously likes you so just keep rolling with it_

 **JEROME** _: Buy her flowers or something, girls like shit like that I think_

 **ROB** _: SHOW HER YOUR DICK_

 **MITCH** _: How should we fuckin know? Those of us in relationships literally fumbled the whole way though and ended up with girls crazy enough to to say yea_

 **VIKK** _: Do the opposite of whatever Rob says_

 **VIKK** _: How did I call that without knowing what you were going to say? You fuckin creep._

 **LACHLAN** _: Thanks for the advice guys, really, but I think you all just made me very aware that I'm on my own on this_

 **PRESTON** _: HEY I ACTUALLY GAVE YOU GOOD ADVICE_

 **PRESTON** _: Screw you man_

 **VIKK** _: These Aussies ain't loyal_

 **JEROME** _: Please roll into a hole, Vikk_

 **LACHLAN** _: Yea, I'm gonna ignore you guys now. I'll fill you in tomorrow_

I logged off before they could keep harassing me and tried to focus on my video, finding myself just going through the motions. About an hour after recording, I attempted to edit it and got frustrated, unable to focus on the task at hand. I looked at the clock on my computer and saw that it was 3:30. I had to go get my car in a couple of hours so I decided I may as well start getting ready.

I walked back to my room and went to my closet, trying to figure out what to wear for tonight. We hadn't really spoken about what we were going to do aside from walk around, but I figured we could probably grab dinner too, right? I sent her a quick text telling her to hold off on eating before I picked her up so that I could treat her to a dinner while we were out. Whether this is a real date or not, I want it to be amazing.

I looked around at the button up shirts I had, knowing good and well it was going to be cold as hell tonight. I decided on a blue, long sleeve printed shirt with khaki skinny jeans and some low, brown boots, hoping it would be nice enough for whatever restaurant she chooses but casual enough to stroll around in. I let out a sigh and walked into the shower, trying to wash away my nerves and the uneasy anxious feeling building in my stomach.

I drove directly from the dealership to Kali's place, slowly becoming more and more nauseated the closer I got. My nerves were clearly getting the best of me, but I refused to let them ruin tonight. It took about 45 minutes to get there, giving me enough time to think through possible scenarios of how the night would play out, funny things I could say if it got awkward, literally anything just so I felt a little more prepared.

That all went out the window, however, when I pulled to Kai's apartment building. I sat in my car, wondering what I should do. It was around 7:30, so I was definitely early. I toyed with the idea of texting her and letting her know I was here or taking an old school approach and meeting her at her door. I decided that if I wanted this to be a real date, I had to treat it like one. I got out of the car and locked it behind me, regrettably leaving my pea coat behind. The butterflies churned in my stomach as I made the slow ascent to Kali's door. After a minute of hesitation, I rang the doorbell, knowing there was no way I could turn back now.

The door opened and all I could do was stare in awe. Kali appeared before me, an angelic glow surrounding her. "I wasn't expecting to see you just yet. Come in, it's freezing outside!" She gently grabbed my hand and guided me inside, closing the door behind me. I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing a white dress that was fitting on her bust but then fanned out at her waist and little black booties, bringing her height a little closer to my chin. Her hair reminded me of how she looked in the dream, only instead of flowers, there was an intricate braid design weaved around. This was the first time I had ever seen her in makeup, though it was very minimal with the exception of a really deep, rosy red color covering her already kissable lips. As per usual, my gaze probably lingered there a little too long, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Yea, um," I mumbled, snapping myself back to reality, "the car pick up was faster than I anticipated and it just made sense to come straight here. Sorry if I'm interrupting." I said awkwardly, sliding into one of the dining room chairs.

"Nonsense," she said, turning around and exposing her bare, tanned back. I gulped at the sight of her soft skin. "I've just finished getting ready. Plus, I like people that arrive on time to places. Punctuality and timeliness are always pros in my book." She turned and gave me a playful wink as walked toward her room. "Let me just grab my coat."

I waited in silence, quietly thinking about how I was hoping this was a real date. She walked back towards me with a smile, buttoning up her jacket before extending her hand out to help me up. I grabbed it and intertwined our fingers as we walked out the door.

"So, I was thinking we could try Bongos? It's Cuban food and they have live music, too. It's a pretty fun time even if you don't like to dance." Kali rambled. We had just arrived and this place was literally packed with people.

"Who said I didn't like to dance?" I asked mischievously. She cocked her eyebrow at me, challenging me. "Oh so you think I can't dance?"

She burst out in laughter. "I never said that. You did," she said, sticking out her at me.

"Fine. We're going."

"I'm glad you feel that way, because I made reservations when you texted me earlier," she said, guiding me towards the restaurant.

The smell of the food instantly filled my nostrils and the sound of the music vibrated through me. Kali swayed next to me to the music as we waited in the line to speak to the hostess. I put my arm around her, gently swaying to the rhythm with her. I could see her blushing from the corner of my eye, causing me to smile.

We were lead to a table right in the mix of things. We ordered quickly and had casual conversation about the different food items and everything you could do here. She mentioned the hot air balloon and I quickly made a mental note. Perhaps that's where our new moment can be? I smiled at the thought, getting a weird look from Kali. I brushed it off and changed the subject. "So, when does the Poke hunting start?"

"Oh shit, I completely forgot." She pulled out her phone and opened the app, opting me to do the same.

There were Pokestops everywhere and I couldn't help but think this would be a great place to vlog. I bit my lip at the thought. When should I tell her? Should I even tell her? I sighed and decided now just wasn't the time. "It seems lit. Hopefully we get something good!"

"Yea, with the update of the second generation, there's so many new ones, yet I still don't have a Tauros." She shook her head in disappointment.

"Jesus, you're bad at this game," I said with a smile as the food arrived at the table. It looked delicious and smelled even better. We both got the skirt steak and it really was to die for. We remained relatively quiet while we were eating, enjoying the food and each other's company while the music continued to play in the background.

Some song in Spanish came on and Kali's face lit up. She looked at me with a childlike smile on her face. "This is one of my favorite songs!" She said, dancing in her seat. Some of the staff saw her and began pulling people from their seats, inviting them onto the dance floor. Our waiter looked at her expectantly with his hand out. She looked at me with a smile and shook her head, getting up and extending her own hand out to me. "Ready to show me those dance moves, Power?"

I felt my face redden. Truthfully, I wasn't much of a dancer. I kind of lacked rhythm and this music has a lot more rhythm than I'm used to. I nervously shook my head but she refused to take no for an answer. Her and the waiter pulled me from my seat and onto the dance floor.

"It's really easy," she said over the music. She placed my hands on her waist and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "Ok, this is bachata. The pattern itself is easy, you just need to add rhythm to it if that makes sense. So we're gonna keep it simple and do a four count step to your left, then a four count step to your right, ok?" I looked down at my feet, moving my left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot to the left, then the opposite to the right and looked back at her. "She giggled. Ok, that's it really. But you're stiff. Loosen up a little, let the music take you over your movement." She swayed her hips to the music and popped her foot at the end of the four count. She really was a natural and I was just so out of place. "Don't doubt yourself, you're doing fine. You just need to relax." She moved a little closer to me, pressing her body against mine. I gulped. That's not going to make me relax much. I tried to loosen up a bit and move my hips and my waist a little, attempting to be a little less awkward.

One song quickly flowed into another, and I started to feel a little more comfortable. I looked down at her, the light hitting her eyes in such a way that made them glow. She really was beautiful. "Stop looking at me and focus. We're going to spin now, ok?" I nodded and she pulled away from me, spinning out and then spinning back into my arms. She laughed at my expression while she did it, obviously seeing that I had messed up the rhythm. "You're so adorable," she said with a smile.

"Just adorable?" I asked, a smirk on my lips. Her face went red, obviously not realizing she had said it out loud.

"Um, I think that's enough dancing for right now. We should finish eating, right?" She awkwardly walked back to the table and I followed, the smile not leaving my lips.

The night had been perfect. We casually walked around, phone in one hand, while our hands were intertwined in the other. We decided to put a lure down by a Pokestop in front of the Lego store and just sit and chat for a few minutes.

"Lachlan!" I heard someone scream. I turned around, confused, and then realized what was happening. There was a group of young boys probably around 14 or 15 approaching Kali and I. I felt myself go pale but quickly switched up and smiled as they got closer. "Be right back," I said, turning to Kali and walking over to the boys.

"Hey guys! What're your names?" I asked, giving them a bright smile.

"My name is Jeremy. This is Mark and Dennis. We saw your Vlog on Wednesday saying that you were moving here but I didn't think I would actually get to meet you. This is insane!" Jeremy smiled with excitement.

Dennis nodded his head excitedly. "We saw that a lure was put down here and saw your name. We were scared we were gonna miss you! I wanna make videos like you one day, man!" Of course. It makes sense that they would see that. I probably should have rethought that.

Mark craned his head around, looking at Kali sitting on the bench a few feet from us. "We don't want to interrupt your night. Do you think we could just get a quick picture?" I looked back at Kali and nodded to the boys.

We all grouped together, me standing behind the much shorter boys attempting to take a selfie. "Let me do that for you," Kali said, taking the phone from Mark's hand.

"Thank you," I mouthed to her and she gave me a warm smile in return. She took a group picture of me with them on my phone, as well as a group and individual pictures of me with each boy.

"I could take one of you two?" Mark offered. Kali and I looked at each other, a slight blush coming across her face. I nodded and handed him my phone. He took a few snaps and handed it back. "Hopefully we'll run into you some other time! Enjoy the rest of your night!"

"It was nice meeting you all! I'll definitely tweet some stuff out. Night!" I waved to the boys and they walked away, filled with excitement. "I'm really sorry about that," I said, awkwardly looking back at her. Well, I guess the time to come clean was now. "I guess I should have told you. I'm kind of a Youtuber. It's nothing too crazy, I promise." I felt guilty as I admitted it. Not that I regret my lifestyle, but because I kept it from her when there were definitely opportunities to present it. I liked feeling like a nobody to somebody, if that makes sense.

She let out a soft laugh and smiled at me. "Lachlan, it's ok. It's really cute that they look up to you." I saw her hesitate for a second, thinking about whether she should continue or not. "Actually, I've known who you were since you spoke at our first meeting." Her voice trailed off at the end.

I was hit with confusion. She never lead me on to believe that she knew who I was. What is she talking about? "What do you mean? You acted like a total stranger."

"Well," she hesitated again, biting her lip. My stomach was in knots. I was scared of what I was about to hear. "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Those meetings are super personal, and the videos and everything, that's your career, you know?" She stopped again, averting my eye contact. Her voice soft before she continued to speak. "Plus, I wasn't quite sure how to react when meeting the guy who saved my life." I saw a single tear fall down her cheek before she quickly wiped it away.

I tried to take in what she had said, recalling all of our conversations. Had she asked me questions she already knew the questions to? Was this all some sick, twisted way of some fan trying to get closer to me? I shook my head, I couldn't believe this was happening. "So you knew who I was all along? And never said anything?"

"Well, I didn't really know how to fit that into a casual conversation. Plus I knew you'd freak out. I'm not some crazed fan trying to get your secrets or win some race, ok? I knew who you were, yea, but I still didn't know anything about you. I literally learned your last name when you told me."

"How do you even expect me to trust you?" It suddenly hit me. "You didn't tell anyone that I was in that group, did you?"

"What, no, Lachlan, are you fuckin kidding me? What kind of person do you think I am?" She looked at me with disgust in her eyes for making such an accusation, but I couldn't help it. I was confused and felt lied to. "Did you even stop to think about the implications that would put on me? I don't fuckin broadcast my problems to people, just so you know."

I sighed, realizing I had made a really inconsiderate assumption. "I'm sorry, it's just, I went through a lot of bad stuff back home and I really thought I could trust you completely and I feel like this just made things weird, " I said truthfully, looking away as I finished my sentence.

"You don't think I get that? Do you even realize what I just admitted to you? That's not easy for me, Lachlan. It's not. And it's not like you intended to tell me, so you can't just put this on me," Kali looked at me with pain filled eyes.

I suddenly felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks when I fully realized what she had said. I moved closer to her, reaching for her hand. She moved away before I could grab it, I sighed. "What do you mean by I saved your life?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

"Kal, I-" she cut me off, raising her handing indicating I should stop talking.

"Not now. Can we just go? I'm tired," she lied. I had clearly upset her. Great job, Lachlan.

 _December 10th_

 _I don't even know how to describe my night to be honest. My date with Kali was perfect, more than perfect even…up until the end. She's just so beautiful and kind hearted and I don't know why things had to come out this way._

 _I feel like I don't know what her true intentions are now. She's never given me a reason to not trust her, but now she tells me she's known who I was since the meeting. It just makes me feel uneasy. How much can I really say in our group meetings now? What if she exposes my secret because I pushed her away? Even worse, what if she does something to herself because I pushed her away? I can't stop thinking about the fact that she told me I saved her life. I don't even know what she means. What had I done to save her? I mean I've had other fans tell me that, but I've never been told that by someone who knows parts of me that no one else does. I don't know if I can handle that pressure. I don't know how I feel about being the reason the beautiful soul that is Kali is still here today._

 _There's something else bothering me too, though. I've always said I would never date or get too close to a fan. Well, it's too late now, isn't it? Do I have to leave the support group and find something else? Do I remove Kali from my life? Why did things have to get so fucked up?_

 **Kali**

Lachlan texted me this afternoon saying that we should get dinner tonight, and of course, I said yes. I called my favorite restaurant over there, Bongos, and made a reservation for the two of us. I quickly got nervous, really nervous, realizing more and more that this was like a real date. I called my younger sister, Eirene, on FaceTime, needing someone to calm me down and just talk everything out with.

"Sup, sissy!" I exclaimed as her face appeared on my screen.

"Hey, Kal! What's up?" She played with her long, black curls, looking at herself on the screen. We both looked pretty similar except she has a much smaller frame than I do, is just a bit taller, and a better tan in my opinion. She wasn't blessed with the signature Diaz freckles, though, which she likes to complain about every so often.

"Nothing much, man. How's winter break so far? What are you and Alex up to?"

Alex slipped into the screen at the mention of her name, dancing in the background only in a bikini. My sister playfully pushed her and laughed. "It's been great so far! Definitely what we needed after finals. We're doing a couples massage at the resort later which should be nice." They had been dating for about a year now and my sister has never been happier. It definitely helped that my parents were really supportive and basically already suspected they were a couple before my sister came out. The whole situation was pretty funny when we all stopped to think about it.

"Sigh! That sounds amazing. Well you guys deserve it."

"Yea, well you deserve fun in your life, too! You should go out tonight! Let loose a little." I smiled when she said that and tried to bite my lip to hide it. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were keeping stuff from each other. What's the deal?"

It always killed me how in sync we were. We always knew what the other was holding back. "So, I may or may not be going on a date tonight. "

She rolled her eyes. "Well thanks for telling me. What do you mean may or may not though?"

"Well, we were supposed to just walk around Downtown Disney and he just texted me telling me we're gonna have dinner there too."

"I didn't even know you were talking to someone. How dare you."

"Chill, Rene, I literally met him on Wednesday. It wasn't a secret or anything, it's just not serious just yet."

"Have you cyber stalked yet?" I rolled my eyes at her. "I don't know why you refuse to do it. He could be a murderer you know. What's his name?"

I bit my lip before telling her, I knew once she typed in his name, he would be the first person to pop up, and of course there will be a slew of questions to follow. I sighed and just decided to say it. "Lachlan. Lachlan Power. He's Australian."

"Oh! You got yourself a foreign boy. Nice." I heard the audible sound of her typing into the computer and slowly waited for her reaction. "Holy shit. Is he like a tall, scrawny, blonde guy by chance?" She turned her screen so I could see a bunch of different pictures of Lachlan. I blushed and nodded as I looked over his facial expressions in each picture. "Ok, so don't freak out, but he's a Youtuber. He has like over three million subs! I think he's like a gamer or something."

"Oh, that's interesting," I said in a soft voice, my voice trailing off.

"Holy shit, you knew he was and didn't tell me! How dare you call me your sister. This is insane!"

"Calm down, Rene. Look, he doesn't know I know he's a Youtuber, ok? I haven't told him but I've known who he was since I met him. I watch his videos like literally everyday. I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want him to think I'm using him because it's so far off from the truth."

"I mean, he hasn't brought it up, right?" I shook my head. "Then I feel like he's doing that for a reason. He probably doesn't want to ruin anything, like swaying your attention from him to his fame, you know? Kind of how you want him to get to know you as Kali instead of as a fan. It's like the same thing on parallel spectrums. The time will come I'm sure."

I smiled at her gratefully. She always manages to pull me back to reality which is something I really needed. "Ok, just don't mentioned to anyone that I'm going on a date, especially with him. I don't want anyone to know." She nodded, motioning that her lips were sealed. "Ok, so I did want your advice on something now that you know everything."

"Shoot, sissy."

"What should I wear!" I whined into the phone.

I got ready, trying to take my time but knowing my anxiety wouldn't let me. My sister and I decided I should wear this bone white, backless skater dress with these new black booties she got me for my birthday. I let my hair flow free, braiding pieces from the front on both sides and creating a thick loop wrapping around my head. By the time I started doing my makeup, it was only 7. I walked to the bathroom and did really simple makeup, really not liking to over do it too much. I quickly filled in my eyebrows, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. My sister convinced me to use a really deep red, matte lipstick and I must say, it did look nice with my outfit.

I looked at the clock again and realized it had only been ten minutes. I sat down on my couch and began reading a book on my phone, realizing I had about an hour until Lachlan would be arriving. After reading for what seemed like a minute, I was snapped away from the story when I heard the doorbell ring. It was 7:26, literally the happiest time of the week. Certainly it couldn't be him, could it? I walked to the door and looked out the peephole. It was him.

I let out a low gasp. The time had come sooner than I expected and now my nerves were going insane. I quickly collected myself and tried to muster up the most confident smile I could. I opened the door, taking in how handsome he looked before I could speak. "I wasn't expecting to see you just yet. Come in, it's freezing outside!" I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

"Yea, um, the car pick up was faster than I anticipated and it just made sense to come straight here. Sorry if I'm interrupting." He sat down and nervously fidgeted with his hands. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He wore this navy shirt, buttoned to his neck, his Adam's apple bouncing nervously above it. His khaki jeans complemented the shirt well and the boots tied it together. I looked at him, his eyes looking bluer than usual and his blonde quiff shining in the light.

"Nonsense, I've just finished getting ready. Plus, I like people that arrive on time to places. Punctuality and timeliness are always pros in my book." I gave him a playful wink and immediately felt silly afterwards. I turned and quickly walked to my room "Let me just grab my coat." I slipped on my black peacoat and grabbed my purse, returning back to the handsome man sitting in my dining room, not able to hide how excited I was. I helped him from his seat, and he grabbed my hand, holding it until we reached the car. I already knew this night would be memorable.

After dinner, we wandered around the area, exploring the different shops. We walked through the art store, coming across this intricate painting incorporating black and white pencils into a zipper, opening to expose a beautifully drawn eye. "Hey, watch my back, ok?"

Lachlan looked at me confused, and then watched me as I slowly pulled out my phone. He nodded and smiled at me. "Partners in crime, are we? Make it quick."

I smiled and took a couple of shots, hoping to recreate it soon. "I shall keep this as inspiration for the future."

"You're a bit of an artist, Kal?" He asked me, as we casually made our way to the next store.

"Who do you think painted those trees, Power?" I said with a smirk.

"Seriously? I assumed you hired someone. Well, maybe we can paint something for my new place together?"

I nodded. "Of course, just let me know when, where, and what. I think it'd be fun."

"Great," he said with a big smile. "Um, you mentioned it at dinner and I was actually hoping something. Would you like to go on the hot air balloon? I've been thinking about it since you mentioned it."

I saw him nervously bite his lip, my mind drifting back to our almost kiss two days ago. I had to look away before I did something rash. "Of course, follow me," I grabbed his hand, urging him to walk a little faster with me. It took us some time to get there, but seeing his eyes light up as he saw the Disney inspired balloon float into the air before us.

"This looks fuckin amazing," he said breathlessly.

"Well, let's get tickets so we can go on it." He nodded and took my hand in his, making his way to the ticket center. In a matter of minutes, we were in the front of the line, ready to make our entrance to the balloon.

"Wait, we need a picture to commemorate this moment." He pulled out his phone and we both smiled into the screen, our faces both featuring red noses and rosy cheeks from the cold.

I laughed at the picture. "We look like we're freezing."

He scoffed. "We look absolutely adorable." He gave me a sassy glare. "I'll send it to you."

"Ok, you two can go on," the person working the balloon motioned. He quickly let us pass and we entered the balloon. Lachlan slowly isolated us from the rest of the guests, bringing us closer the back of the balloon that gave a perfect view of the area's skyline.

"This is the second most beautiful view I've seen all day," Lachlan said.

"What was the first?"

"You," he said with a smile. "I promise I won't be cheesy for the rest of the night now."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You really are the worst kind of person."

"It made you smile though." I quickly pursed my lips together, completely unaware I had even been smiling. "You really do look beautiful tonight, Kali. I'm unbelievably lucky to be out with someone as amazing as you right now. He moved closer to me, placing his hand on my chin, urging me to look up at him. I froze. I felt myself close my eyes and move closer to him, slowly closing the gap between us.

Suddenly, the balloon pulled in the wind, causing me to fall back a little. Lachlan quickly caught me. Pulling me close to him. "I think that's a sign," I said with a small chuckle.

"I think it is," he said laughing. "I'm ok with just holding you here. The world seems to be ok with that." He wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on my head as we both peered out at the space spanned before us.

We left the Lego store and walked to a bench placed in front of the Lego dragon in the water. There was a Pokestop close by, so Lachlan put a lure down and we caught some Pokemon while carrying on with casual conversation.

"Lachlan," I heard someone scream from close by. Lachlan and I turned to the source of the scream, seeing three teenage boys walking towards us. I saw Lachlan go pale, and I immediately knew that time my sister and I were talking about earlier was now.

Lachlan looked at me, a weak smile. "Be right back," he said as he walked towards the young boys enthusiastically. He talked to them for a few minutes, the boys clearly excited to see him. They posed for a picture but seemed to be struggling.

I got up and walked up to them. "Let me do that for you," taking the phone from one of the boys' hand. Lachlan handed me his, giving me a quick thanks. I took a few group pictures of him with all the boys and then one with him and each boy. You could see how grateful they were for that moment.

"I could take one of you two?" the young boy offered. Lachlan blushed and nodded, handing his phone to him. Lachlan wrapped his arms around me, placing his arms around my waist and his face next to mine. The young boy took a few pictures of us and passed the phone back to Lachlan. "Hopefully we'll run into you some other time! Enjoy the rest of your night!"

"It was nice meeting you all! I'll definitely tweet some stuff out. Night!" We both waved to the boys and they walked away, filled with excitement. "I'm really sorry about that." He glanced back as the three young boys as they walked away excitedly. "I guess I should have told you. I'm kind of a Youtuber. It's nothing too crazy, I promise," Lachlan said to me, a tinge of sadness and regret in his eyes.

I laughed and gave him a quick smile. "Lachlan, it's ok. It's really cute that they look up to you." I looked at him, worry still evident in his face. "Actually, I've known who you were since you spoke at our first meeting..." My voice trailed off, wondering if I should tell him the whole truth.

He looked at me, his confusion clear. "What do you mean? You acted like a total stranger."

"Well, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Those meetings are super personal, and the videos and everything, that's your career, you know? Plus, I wasn't quite sure how to react when meeting the guy who saved my life." I felt a tear run down my face and quickly wiped it away, hoping he didn't notice.

I could see a mixture of confusion and anger come across his face. "So you knew who I was all along? And never said anything?"

"Well, I didn't really know how to fit that into a casual conversation. Plus I knew you'd freak out. I'm not some crazed fan trying to get your secrets or win some race, ok? I knew who you were, yea, but I still didn't know anything about you. I literally learned your last name when you told me."

"How do you even expect me to trust you?" He paused, his eyes going wide. "You didn't tell anyone that I was in that group, did you?"

Now I was the one getting angry. "What, no, Lachlan, are you fuckin kidding me? What kind of person do you think I am?" I paused, processing what I needed to say before saying something I could potentially regret. "Did you even stop to think about the implications that would put on me? I don't fuckin broadcast my problems to people, just so you know."

His face softened at my response. "I'm sorry, it's just, I went through a lot of bad stuff back home and I really thought I could trust you completely and I feel like this just made things weird, " I could tell he was being genuine.

I understood what he was saying, but that didn't mean I agreed with how he reacted towards me. "You don't think I get that? Do you even realize what I just admitted to you? That's not easy for me, Lachlan. It's not. And it's not like you intended to tell me, so you can't just put this on me."

Realization came across his face, finally analyzing what I had first said. He tried to grab me and I pulled away. "What do you mean by I saved your life?"

I shook my head, fighting the tears from coming from my eyes. "Don't worry about it."

"Kal, I-"

I cut him off, not wanting to continue the night any further "Not now. Can we just go? I'm tired," I said quietly.

It had been two hours since Lachlan dropped me off and all I could do is lay in my bed, frustrated with how the night ended. I looked at the picture he had sent me earlier, realizing this was probably the last time we'd be together like that.

I was at work on Monday, preparing for all of our post graduation meetings. I was preparing the meeting schedule when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, surprised at the name on my screen. "Hello?" I answered skeptically.

I could hear him, his breaths coming out shaky. "Kali," he said, unsure of what he was saying. "I need you."


	7. Chapter Seven: I Need You

**Lachlan**

"Look who we have here," I heard a familiar voice say, "it's the lesser Power."

Eric. It was Eric. I looked at him, trying to muster up as much confidence as I could. "What are you doing here, Eric?"

He ignored my question, walking closer to me. "Didn't I already tell you no one would ever like you? No one cares about you, faggot. Stop trying to pretend like you're hot shit," he said, the familiar mocking tone in his voice.

"What are you talking about?" He was approaching me slowly, causing me to take a step back.

"Kali, you dipshit. You thought she actually cared about you?" He looked at me, a devilish look in his eyes, I averted my eyes. "Of course you did, because you're an idiot. You always were the dumb one in your family, right?" he scuffed. "You will always be a nobody, you hear me? No matter how famous Youtube makes you, no matter how far away you move, everyone will eventually learn how irrelevant you are. You're such a fuckin waste of space. The world would be better if your brother had never found you!"

I tried to say something, but nothing would come out. My voice was stuck in a lump in my throat. This is how it always happened.

He gave me a nasty smirk. "Just as I thought. You're still the same little bitch you were five years ago." He cocked his arm back, aiming straight for my face.

I flinched, bracing for impact. My eyes shot open and I realized I was laying in darkness. I was still in my bed and it was wet with sweat. Great, I had fallen victim to another all too realistic dream.

"C'mon, not again," I grovelled. I hadn't been getting proper sleep since I got home Saturday. I understood why Kali didn't tell me, and I didn't blame her for it, but I still struggled with being able to trust her. I didn't know how open too open would be with someone who may not fully be able to distinguish me from my career. I couldn't stop wondering if she would have acted differently had I been a completely random person to her.I kept playing different scenarios of how Saturday could have played out, wishing I hadn't reacted so negatively.

I checked the time. 10:30 AM. I had my first one on one therapy session today and I couldn't lie, I was extremely nervous. It had been a little over a year and a half since I started therapy, and talking about my past never got easier. I felt my chest begin to tighten. It became hard to breath. What's going on?

I started getting light headed and my vision began to blur. I was having a panic attack and I could tell this one was going to be bad. I usually wasn't alone when these happened, and that thought made me panic more. I picked up my phone and called the only person I could think of.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded skeptical and slightly concerned.

My breaths were coming our shaky, my voice struggling to come out of my throat. "Kali, I need you."

"What's wrong, Lachlan? Where are you? I'm coming right now," she said frantically. I heard keys jingling and drawers closing.

"Panic attack," I struggled to say. "At home." I was heaving. It was getting more and more painful.

"Ok, Lachlan. You can breath, ok? I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm gonna Facetime you in the car so I can make sure you're ok, alright?" I heard her say something to someone else, but couldn't quite understand and then heard a door slam behind her.

She hung up and Facetimed me, a worried expression on her face showing up on my screen. "Thank you," I managed to get out of my throat.

"Don't thank me. I'll be there soon. You can breath, ok? Sit up on your bed and put your arms over your head. I'll be there in 10 minutes." She spoke quickly but I could see she was trying to look calm for me.

I did as she said requested, sitting up and straightening my back and placing one of my arms above my head, using the other to hold the phone so that I remained in her line of vision. I was still heaving, but they slowly started coming at a less rapid pace. I tried to tell myself I could breath, to just relax but it wasn't working.

"Lachlan?" I heard Kali say, pulling me out of my trance. I nodded at her. "Are you able to get the door? I'm about to park in a minute. Sit on the couch after you do that, alright?"

I nodded again, still feeling a little dizzy as I tried to get up. I felt weird on my felt, nausea hitting me as I started to walk. I walked as quickly as my body would let me and unlocked the door. Suddenly, everything quickly went black.

"Lachlan? Lachlan, please wake up," I heard Kali beg, I slowly opened my eyes, feeling like I had just been hit by a truck.

"I didn't notice you wore glasses," I whispered in a meek voice.

"Oh my god, you're ok!" She hugged me, her tears making contact with my bare chest. I tried to hug her back but felt too weak, so instead I just gave her an acknowledging pat on the back. "You scared me, you little shit." She said, laughing while the tears still came rushing out.

"Don't be mean, I didn't plan it," I said with a weak smile, my voice coming out raspy and scratchy. "Thank you," I said, prompting her to let go of me and look at me. I was still cradled in her lap, her hand lightly grazing the scars on my exposed arms. I suddenly felt self conscious, all too aware that I was only wearing loose basketball shorts and socks. I squirmed a little, attempting to conceal my chest with one arm as much as I could.

"You don't have to thank me. I told you I would protect you, didn't I?" She smiled at me, her eyes still dark with concern.

"Yea, but I treated you like shit on Saturday. I'm so sorry about that. I don't know why I acted like that. You didn't deserve it. And I've been ignoring you, that's not really ok either. I'm such an ass."

"Stop it," she said sternly. "You don't need to apologize. I've been distant too. That's not just on you. And about Saturday. Please know I didn't intend for things to happen that way. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to make things weird but here we are anyway."

"I understand, Kali. I didn't mention it for the same reason. We were just trying to spare ourselves and each other." She nodded quietly. "I missed you these last few days." She smiled, signing SAME to me, making me smile too. We stayed quiet for a minute, just staring into each others eyes when I was hit with an unfortunate realization. "Shit, what time is it?" I asked, propping myself up from her lap and trying to peer at the clock in the kitchen.

"It's like 11. Is everything ok?" she asked, positioning herself across from me.

"Yea, I have therapy today, which is what actually put me in this situation." My stomach started getting into knots again.

"Paige is cool, I promise. She really cares, and you know you can talk about whatever you want? She won't push you to talk about these until you're ready." She grabbed my hands, facing the inner part of my arms towards the ceiling so that we could both see my scars. I nodded, trying to convince myself of what she's saying.

I was able to make it to therapy on time, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to Paige about my cutting or past attempt. Instead, I opted to talk to her about my trust and intimacy issues. I've recently started feeling like I could possibly be one hundred percent myself with someone one day. I also realized that perhaps my one night stands and hooks up weren't really helping my intimacy issues and in order to overcome that barrier, I really needed to work on trust. Paige told me that these conclusions were important for my personal development. I felt like I had made a made a lot of progress today, and I couldn't help but feel it had at least a sliver to do with Kali.

I smiled as I thought of her name, slowly making my way to the ice cream place we had agreed to meet at after the mishap this morning. I still can't believe she came all the way to my house to help me with a panic attack. Her willingness to be there for me made my stomach flutter again. I turned into the parking lot, pulling up next to her as she played on her phone. She hadn't noticed me, so I slid out of my car, going around her car and banging on her driver's window.

"Fuck!" I heard her yelp as she looked at me, rolling down the window so she could talk to me. I leaned on her door, smirking because of her amazing reaction. "Still the worst kind of person. And here I thought we were making some headway." She shook her head and pushed me out of the window frame, putting up her window and getting out of her car.

I hadn't really noticed how casual and carefree she looked this morning. She wore her hair in a big, messy bun on the top of her head and her wide glasses were riding low on her nose. She had on this long, grandpa sweater with red and orange patterns all over it, falling just below her butt, and some black leggings and brown combat boots. She looked effortless and absolutely beautiful.

"And here I thought you were such a bad ass," I said laughing as she pouted next to me. "You literally squealed. I wish I had recorded that."

She shoved me playfully. "Don't be a dick. I really don't do well with surprises."

"Miss Adventure and Impulse doesn't like surprises? And you judged me. Maybe I should drag you off to some unknown place and suggest for you to make some permanent life decision." I smiled at her, thinking about the adventure that had taken place six short days ago.

She shook her head laughing. "You make it sound like you're gonna kill me. I do value my life, thank you very much. Plus, it was a good permanent decision. You said it yourself."

I rolled my eyes at her as we approached the window. We quickly ordered our ice cream, a strawberry cone for her and a chocolate dipped vanilla cone for me. We sat down at one of the tables, appreciating the inactivity around us since kids were still in school and college students had gone back home.

Something she had said triggered something in my memory, pushing me to ask a question that had been lingering on my mind since she had made the statement. "Kali, I really don't mean to be pushy, but I can't stop thinking about what you said on Saturday," I said quietly.

She looked down at her ice cream, trying to come off as nonchalant as possible. The messy bun resting on top of her head bobbed slightly as she licked her cone. "Oh yea? Which part." I gave her a serious look, knowing she knew exactly what I was talking about. "Fine. First off, it's not as serious as you think it is. I don't worship you for it or hold you to a higher degree as a person for it. Got it?" I looked at her and nodded, the declaration actually easing the pressure I had previously placed on myself. "Ok, so you know I had attempted once, yea?" I nodded, remembering her mentioning it during our first group meeting. "Well, I had attempted once, but I did seriously contemplate it again about a year after. I had just finished my first semester back to school and thought I was adjusting well, but I always felt like something was off. I knew people were whispering about me and what I had done and though it didn't bother me much after coming back, it came to an all time high when the anniversary of my attempt rolled around.

"The whispers were no longer whispers, they were blatant comments directed at me. People were treating me as an example, a suicide prevention success story or something, but I didn't see myself as a success. As glad as I am to be alive right now, I had felt like such a failure for not being able to end it like I planned. The feelings of self loathing intensified, and I needed to find a distraction before I had done something I would regret. I remembered how my siblings would turn to Youtube to distract them back at home. They showed me the Internet Icon serie, and it caught my attention until its inevitable end. From there, I moved to the channels of two of my favorite contestants, Matthias and Joule Thief. I had watched most of their videos and Matthias got really into Minecraft and it made me remember my brother watching Mitch's channel.

"I started watching his Hunger Games like my brother used to but couldn't get into. He was funny, but it wasn't really my thing. I eventually started watching Jerome since they would always record together and I saw he did How To Minecraft. I started watching it and made it through the first few of his episodes and I just remember hearing your voice for the first time and the personality you had when you spoke. I was intrigued. I started watching your series which had significantly more episodes than Jerome had since I guess you had started a few months before him. I just remember laughing at your corny jokes and the facial expressions you made and I was trapped." I felt myself blush at her comment and she smiled.

"A week or so after I started watching your videos exclusively, it was midterms week and I had done terrible and all of the feelings and pressure I had put on myself the year before came back. I started cutting excessively and it was getting worse and worse everyday. I had started seriously contemplating taking my life again, but then I got a notification that you posted a new video and it gave me an idea. I decided to make a deal with myself: If I smiled or laughed at least five times during the new video, I wouldn't cut that day. This continued until the desire to cut was replaced with the desire to watch you on screen, your happiness becoming infectious to me. I had stopped thinking so negatively about everything and eventually my grades got better. I started listening to you as I fell asleep, finding your voice was one of the few things that soothe me." She stopped and looked at me, my mouth slightly open in awe. I had another question now, one that made me blush even harder at the thought of it. She shook her head and smiled at me. "Before you even ask, yes, I still do fall asleep listening to your voice. Old habits die hard, ok?

I gave her a cheeky smile. "I don't know how I feel about my voice being the last thing you hear at night. It's almost not fair that I can't have the same."

She shrugged, finishing her ice cream. "No one told you to post videos, man. Plus, let's just be glad that it's not your sexy waking up voice. I don't know how I'd sleep hearing that every night." Her eyes suddenly went wide at the realization of what she had said. Her face instantly went red and she looked away.

I bit my lip, looking at how embarrassed she was and wanted to feed into it. "I'm sure you weren't crying into my bare chest this morning just from happiness then, huh?" I said, cocking my eyebrow at her. "You liked what you saw?"

"Jesus, Power. Don't make me regret telling you I like you," she said giving me a playful punch.

"No, never that," I said, slipping my arm around her waist, prompting her to rest her head on my shoulder. "I like that you like me, you know. It makes things easier."

She turned her head, trying to look up at me without actually lifting it. "How so?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I just feel like it would in the future and stuff."

I saw her bite her lip. "Lachlan, I do like you, please don't think I don't, but I don't know how far this can really go," she said the last part in an almost whisper.

"What do you mean?"

She let out a deep sigh. "There's this kind of unspoken rule in group. There can't be any romantic relationships within the members. It didn't end well last time, so yea."

My heart sunk a little. I hadn't really considered a romantic relationship with Kali. Sure, we almost kissed a couple of times, but let's be honest, we're adults and I'm sure we've both kissed our fair share of nonromantic partners. For some reason, though, knowing that we couldn't have one made the thought flutter in my head. "What happened exactly if you don't mind me asking."

She shook her head, obviously not wanting to go into too much detail. "Two people dated and the girl ended up leaving the group and breaking up with him a few weeks later. The next day, he was found in a head on collision with a tree."

"I can't blame you guys for having this as a rule within the group. I'm sure that was traumatic for everyone involved. You guys basically lost two friends in the process and that's not fair to anyone." I looked at her, gently playing with the mess of curls atop her head. "Just know that as friends, I'm still going to need you, Kali."

"I'll need you too, Lachlan."

 **Kali**

I ran out of my car and into his apartment, honestly not even remembering if I had closed my door or not. "Lachlan," I called as I walked into his apartment. I looked down and saw his lifeless body lying before me. I dropped down to my knees and put my ear close to his nose and mouth. He was breathing normally. He must have passed out walking towards the couch, seeing as how he did look pretty weak while we were on Facetime. I pulled his body close to me, cradling his torso in my lap and gently played with his hair. "Lachlan, wake up, please?" I gently urged.

He was pale, well, paler than usual. I looked at his bare chest, and placed my hand there so I could feel it rise and fall as he breathed. My eyes wandered to his arms, scars scattered all over them. Some looked newer than others, including one I could tell he'd probably done before sleeping last night.

I continued speaking to him and playing with his hair, urging him to wake up. "Come on, Power, please wake up. I need you, too. You can't just leave me like this. We still need to make up from Saturday and go on other adventures. I wanted to take you to the amusement parks and see you scream on the roller coasters. I wanted to take you to the zoo so you could meet my best friend, Gage the Giraffe. We haven't even watched a movie together and commented on how dumb the characters were acting." The tears were stinging at my eyes. "I, I haven't even been able to tell you how much you mean to me already." I placed a gentle kiss on his hairline, tears starting to fall from my eyes. "Lachlan? Lachlan, please wake up."

"I didn't know you wore glasses," I heard him mumble. My eyes flashed from his chest to his eyes. His once bright blue eyes now looked a dark navy.

I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. "Oh my god, you're ok!" I hugged him hard. I hugged him like it was the last time I would ever be able to. I was just so grateful he was finally awake. "You scared me, you little shit." I started laughing nervously, feeling my tears fall from my face onto his pale chest.

"Don't be mean, I didn't plan it,"he said with a strained smile. I know this wasn't the time, but I would be lying if I said the scratchiness and raspiness of his voice wasn't making me blush just a little. I was kind of glad my face was against his chest and he couldn't see me. "Thank you," he whispered, causing me to let him go from the hug and look at him with confusion.

"You don't have to thank me. I told you I would protect you, didn't I?" I smiled but I still scanned his face for further explanation.

"Yea, but I treated you like shit on Saturday. I'm so sorry about that. I don't know why I acted like that. You didn't deserve it. And I've been ignoring you, that's not really ok either. I'm such an ass."

"Stop it," I said, cutting him off before he could continue with his nonsense. "You don't need to apologize. I've been distant too. That's not just on you. And about Saturday. Please know I didn't intend for things to happen that way. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to make things weird but here we are anyway."

He tried to reach for my face with his hand, but it was clear he was still too weak to do that. I gently grabbed his hand instead, meeting him halfway. "I understand, Kali. I didn't mention it for the same reason. We were just trying to spare ourselves and each other." I nodded as he paused, urging him to continue his train of thought. "I missed you these last few days." I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face as he looked me into my eyes with such genuine care and affection. I signed SAME, and he flashed me that beautiful smile of his. It seemed almost too soon when realization came across his face. "Shit, what time is it?" He asked, trying to lift himself up from my lap to look at the clock on the oven.

"It's like 11. Is everything ok?"

"Yea, I have therapy today, which is what actually put me in this situation." He averted eye contact.

I knew how incredibly nervous he was and I didn't blame him. I tried to do what I could to make him feel like it was going to be ok. "Paige is cool, I promise. She really cares, and you know you can talk about whatever you want? She won't push you to talk about these until you're ready." I grabbed his hands, facing the scars that told his story towards the ceiling. He nodded, but I knew that was just a show for me. I leaned down towards one of the newer scars he had and placed a gentle kiss next to it. He could feel that he shuttered just a little and I looked at him in his eyes once more, the icy blue color starting to return.

"I think I'll be ok, Kal. Really, thank you so much for coming out here, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to, Lachlan. Despite whatever is going on, I will always be here for you. I got you, mentee," I said with a playful wink, causing him to roll his eyes at me before giving me a smile. "Do you need any help?"

"I don't know if I can really get up just yet. Do you mind taking me to the bathroom? I have to shower really quick." I nodded and helped him lift himself off of the floor, slinging his arm over my shoulder and wrapping my arm around his waist. We walked slowly through his bedroom and into the bathroom, and I couldn't help steal glances every now and then of his bare chest and back and how his basketball shorts were beginning to run dangerously low on his hips…

"Do you mind grabbing some clothes from my closet while I take a quick shower?" He asked as he released himself from me and started turning on the water. I nodded and started walking towards his closet. "I'm good with some joggers and a long sleeve, those are on the left side. Thanks!" I turned back to say no problem, but instead was met with the vision of him pulling off his basketball shorts, exposing his long legs in his plain black boxers. I turned quickly before he could tell that I looked, my face burning from embarrassment as I left the bathroom.

I ended up dropping Lachlan off at therapy, a little worried that he wouldn't be ok to drive. He happily accepted but urged me to return to work right after, reassuring me that he'd be ok in a few hours. We made plans to go get ice cream when I got out of work, and knowing that there was a mini golf course, I figured what would be better than some friendly competition to get Lachlan and I back in the swing of things. I knew he was competitive from his videos, and I'm competitive by natural so I knew things would get interesting pretty quickly.

"You've gotta be shitting me!" he yelled as he watched my ball go into the hole on the first stroke. He hit his ball once more, it landing just shy of the hole. "This can't be happening right now."

I couldn't control my laughter. "I've never met someone worse than me in mini golf. Thank you for taking the title from me." I gave him a gentle pat on the back, earning an icy glare from him.

"It's only the first hole, we have seventeen more to go," he said, walking ahead of me. There was no trace of a smile on his face, making me laugh even harder. He lined up his shot on the second hole, overshooting it and having the ball land outside of the green. "Are you some sort of witch or something?"

"That's pretty rich coming from the cult leader," I said with a chuckle. I lined up my shot, having the ball stop within a foot of the hole. I pumped my arm in confidence, sticking out my tongue at Lachlan.

"Ok, how about this. Let's make it interesting." A smirk appeared on his face and I could already tell he was plotting.

I smiled, knowing he has a thing for wagers. "Go on, Power. What's the plan?"

"Loser buys dinner this weekend. Winner chooses the place."

"Game on," I said while extending my hand towards Lachlan. He shook it, a mischievous smile crossing his face. I putted and the ball just curved around the hole. "Fuck."

Lachlan laughed from the start of the green. He placed his ball on the ground and lined it up, taking a few practice swings before hitting it, bouncing off the back wall and going right into the hole. "Huh, would you look at that? Who's the worst now?"

I scowled at him, tapping my ball into the hole and passing him his own. "There's still time for you to lose. Don't get so cocky."

He laughed at me, writing down our scores on the card. "You're only ahead by one at the moment, Diaz. I'm not being cocky, it's called confidence," he said with a wink.

We played a few more holes and I couldn't help but feel I had been hustled. "Why do I feel like I just got severely played?" I glared at him from the opposite side of the hole, watching him sink his 5th hole in one in a row.

"I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about," he said with a cheeky grin.

I looked at him, jaw dropped. "You little asshole!" I ran toward him, club in hand. He ran away from me, both of us laughing maniacally. "You hustled me, admit it."

"I cannot confirm nor deny that statement," he said with a smile, trapping me in his strong arms and holding my arms down.

"I really hate losing," I said, pouting like a child. He gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead, causing me to blush.

"It's ok. One of us has to be the loser. And let's just agree that it won't be me." He bursts out laughing again as I punched him in the arm.

"You're literally the worst."

"So I've been told," he says, placing his arm around my waist.

I shivered a little, the slight affection making me feel a little uncomfortable after our talk over ice cream. "Lachlan, I-"

"Hey, faggot. Look who finally got a date." A boy by the first hole said to another young boy. I looked over at them, trying to see what had happened.

"Come on, Tommy, leave me alone." The other boy said, trying to sound demanding but still sounding pretty weak.

I felt myself walking towards them, not sure how my body was even moving.

"Aww, is Greg embarrassed? What? Did she not know you were literally the biggest loser in school." Tommy pushed Greg, knocking him off his balance a little. The young girl he was with looked frightened, looking away as Tommy got closer.

"Hey, is there a problem here?" I asked, approaching the group of high schoolers.

Tommy started laughing, looking between me and Greg. "Did you really call for backup?" Greg stood in silence, watching me as I got closer to Tommy.

"No he didn't, I just don't really like when people pick on those that are smaller than them. He's what? A sophomore in high school? Maybe 15 or 16? You're like a senior, no? Eighteen the youngest. Am I right?" Tommy nodded at me, smiling condescendingly. "Great, that makes you an adult. I have a couple of years on you but you have height and weight on me so that makes us just about even." I take off my glasses and place them on the bench by Greg and his friend. I retie my messy bun, making it a little tighter in case he tries to play dirty.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tommy says with a confused look on his face.

"You've never been in a fight before?" I gave him a quizzical look.

"What? You really think I would hit a girl?"

"Don't think of me as a girl. My parents always told me if you wanna hit like a dude, be prepared to be hit by a dude." I squared up and moved towards him.

"You're fuckin crazy." He looked at me, disgust in his eyes. "Look out, Greg. She won't always be here to protect you." He pointed at him, the threat creating tension in the air. He walked away quickly, looking back every so often to see if we were still there.

"You didn't have to do that," a quiet voice behind me said, "but thank you for doing it."

I turned and looked at the fragile boy. "I really don't like bullies." I picked up my glasses from the bench, watching a smile cross Greg's face.

"I really want to stand up to him, it's just so hard sometimes."

"I've never been in your position, so I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I do. What I do know is that it can get better. He's just a small portion of your life and soon he'll graduate, then you'll graduate, and you'll be off living your life far away from insecure ass holes like that guy."

He nodded. "I just feel like the people at school don't understand, and it sucks."

I sighed, knowing that he's probably right. "Ok, take down my number. I work with students at the university and if you ever need anything, I can help you, whether you just want someone to talk to or want to learn self defense, I will figure it out, ok?"

Greg smiled and I could see tears forming in his eyes. "Thank you so much for caring." The girl that sat beside him put her arm around her, comforting him the best she could.

"It's no problem at all. Enjoy the rest of your game." I smiled and walked back to where Lachlan was. Something didn't seem right. He was sitting on the bench with a dazed look on his face. He'd gone pale again. I rushed over and sat next to him, rubbing his back. "Lachlan?" He didn't respond. His eyes looked glazed over. "Hey, talk to me. Are you ok?"

"I-I really don't like bullies." He nervously started rubbing his arms. I suddenly realized what happened. I know the reason he froze when he heard the encounter take place and the reason he's so zoned out right now.

"Please don't feel like you have to answer, but, what happened to you back home?"

He shook his head, his eyes still focused at nothing in front of me. "The same thing that happened to that kid used to happen to me all the time."

"What do you mean?" I got up from the bench and tried to center myself in front of him. I lifted his chin so that I could look into his eyes which were now a dark blue color.

"School was fuckin hell for me. Remember when I told you my teachers didn't care?" I nodded slowly. "Well, they didn't care about a lot of things, like when I would constantly get threatening notes, or when I would get jumped walking home, or when people would make some really shitty comments just because of who they thought I was. I was constantly compared to my perfect older sister by everyone, even my teachers, and some would even tell me how my younger brother reminded them of her and wondered where the disconnect happened with me."

"That's really fucked. Nobody deserves that, especially someone that has such a beautiful soul like you." I gently rubbed his cheek, seeing that tears started forming in his eyes.

"Yea, ok." A tear fell down his cheek and he quickly wiped it, hoping I wouldn't notice.

"I'm serious. Like I told that boy back there, I can't pretend to understand how you feel, but I will help you make it better."

"It's the past, though, there's nothing to make better."

"There obviously is if you're so upset right now."

He sighed, knowing I had a point. "Look, I talked to Paige about this today, but I really feel like I need to tell you too. When I was in school, the main reason they would pick on me was because they thought I was gay. To be clear, I'm not. I am very, very attracted to you, got it." He had a slight smirk on his face and I couldn't help but smile back, glad to see his personality returning just a bit.

"Anyway, I don't really know if that's what started, but people at my school weren't really that accepting of gay people. I became some sort of social pariah because of the accusations and no one wanted to talk to or associate with the 'faggot'. The only friends I had were the ones I had growing up and they all went to different schools. Well, one day, one of my friends had set me up on a date with this girl. We went to the movies and after it was let out, the main guy that bullied me shows up and causes a scene. I got beat up in front of that girl and no matter how much she tried to comfort me through that time, I couldn't let her in.

"The same thing happened with all the girls I've dated after. They would try and I just couldn't let them in. I felt too fucked up to put all of that on them. When I started doing YouTube, I convinced myself that the reason I didn't have a serious girlfriend was because I didn't have the time to really commit to them, which I'm sure we both know is bull shit. I ended up developing really bad trust and intimacy problems. Like, I really don't feel comfortable telling people things about me, serious things. I don't even know why I feel this comfortable telling you these things, but I do."

He reached for my hand and grabbed it tight. He pulled me down so that I was sitting on his lap, looking at him, the bright blue slowly returning to them. "Oh, and when I say intimacy issues, I mean like relationship wise. I am very skilled in the bedroom area, thank you very much."

I shoved him, lifting myself from his lap. "Fuck off, you perv." I laughed as he gave me a cheeky smile. "And just like that, the Lachlan I've learned to tolerate these past few days is back."

"Just tolerate?" He raised his eyebrow at me knowingly.

"I can easily take those three words back, you know."

"But can you really? We'll always know the truth, won't we?" He grabbed my hand and brought me closer to him.

"God I hate you." I rolled my eyes as I sat next to him, my hand still in his. "You know, relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be, either. I developed trust issues because of my past boyfriends."

"Yea?" I nodded at him. "Do you mind telling me about it?"

"I guess," I said rolling my eyes and then smiled at him. He smiled back and rested his head on my shoulder, playing with my fingers in his hand. "Well, I've had a lot of boyfriends, but only three that really impacted me in some way. My first 'real' boyfriend and I were together on and off for three years. I really thought I loved him, but all he did was build a relationship based on lies. I loved the person he convinced me he was, not him. He told me I was his first kiss, and he had been mine. I later found out that wasn't true. He told me he was a virgin and planned to take my virginity, but later found out that wasn't true either. Luckily we never had sex, but we almost did. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I lost my virginity to that prick. After we broke up, he still acted like he owned me. Guys were scared to even be friends with me because they knew how aggressive and controlling he was.

"The best thing that happened to me was when he moved away, even though I didn't see it like that at the time. I hadn't realized just how much he fucked me up until I met my next boyfriend. My self esteem and self worth were shit, and this guy unfortunately had to help build me up. He was genuinely my first love and to this day I thank him for all that he did for me. We even moved to Orlando together but eventually drifted apart since we went to different schools and didn't see each other often. After that, I just felt like I was destined to be alone. We had talked about our futures together, our kids and where we would raise them, and just like that, we fell out of love. We mutually decided to break up, but how do you continue searching for love knowing that one day everything is perfect and the next, the feelings could go away in a snap?"

"Wow, I would have never guessed that. I've just tried to convince myself love didn't exist. It helped make me feel better because I could never find it."

"I feel like I was the opposite. I had felt that genuine love and it still disappeared. It made me doubt that forever love could really exist. I think that's what really fucked me up with my most recent relationship."

"What happened?"

"I had this friend, Reese, that I had met during the fall of my sophomore year. We were friends but we were never too close. I hadn't dated anyone after my second boyfriend and after I had attempted, dating was kind of not part of the plan. Well, when I came back to Orlando, he asked me on a date. I was super skeptical, but we were friends so I didn't think much of it.

"We slowly started spending more time together and I knew he really liked me, but I didn't think I could fully reciprocate those feelings. We started dating and he dealt with me through my thoughts of attempting again, though he didn't know the full extent of just how much I was considering it. He helped me stop cutting for a while too and I was really happy. We were in love, like deeply in love, but I couldn't get the thought that we would eventually just fall out of love from my mind. Around February of this year, I decided to break up with him, knowing that I couldn't fully give myself to him and knowing he didn't deserve the burden of having to take care of me. It ended really badly and neither of us took it very well. He didn't understand where I was coming from, and I did the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't do: hurt him. It still breaks my heart to think about. He went off to medical school his year in Gainesville though, and we haven't talked since he left. I kind of fuck things up a lot."

"You were just doing what you thought was best, Kali." He lifted my chin so I was looking into his eyes. I hadn't even realized I was averting eye contact. "You had a reason to feel the way you feel and who's to say what you did wasn't the right thing? If you really felt like you couldn't give your full self to him, it's unfair to make him believe that you could."

"I just can't help but feel I made the wrong decision every now and then. I don't love him the same way anymore, but I always feel we could have been really happy together."

"If it was meant to be, it will be, but you can't live your life regretting the past." He smiled at me and brought me into a tight hug.

"You can't use my advice against me. That's not even fair."

"Aww, Kali. Who told you life was fair? You know what else isn't fair? This ass whooping you're gonna finish getting. Come on, no more emotional stuff, we have nine more holes to go through."

I couldn't help but laugh at how quickly he could switch it up and make me smile. I knew he was still hurting and everything we just talked about was running through his mind, but it was nice to put it on the back burner and just enjoy an afternoon out together.

"Yes! Another Birdie. Your boy is on fire."

"You're still a hustler. I can't believe I fell for that trick."

"Come on, Kali. We both know that's not the only thing I made you fall for," he said with a wink.

I shook my head and laughed. What was I going to do with this guy?


	8. Chapter Eight: Remembering Sunday

**Lachlan**

"I come bearing gifts!" Kali announced as I opened the door for her. I was craving Italian food and since I beat her at mini golf on Monday, it was her treat.

I gave her a smirk. "Winning never felt so good." She put the bags of food on the table as I wrapped her in a tight hug and she reciprocated. "It smells amazing."

"Oh and it tastes even better," she raved. She went into my kitchen, trying to reach to the top shelf to grab the plates. I smiled as she stood on the tip toes of her black converse, the brim of her black sweater lifting just enough to expose the skin above her distressed jeans. I watched her struggle, huffing as she started getting annoyed that she couldn't reach. "Are you just going to be an asshole and stare or are you going to help me?" she asked with a disapproving look.

I chuckled and came up behind her, lifting her by her waist so that she could reach. She grabbed them and put them down on the counter, followed by a hard punch to my arm. "What was that for?" I asked as I rubbed my arm, a smile on my face.

"I didn't mean to pick me up. I am not a child."

"I know, you're more of a cougar, right?" I cocked my eyebrow at her, waiting for her to retaliate.

She scowled at me, grabbing some utensils and bringing them to the dining table. "First off, I'm only a year older than you," she said, flipping me off. "Second, I can't be a cougar if I'm not dating you, genius."

"But you do like me," I said while I bit my lip.

"We're not going through this again, Lachlan. Stop tempting me to take back my words." She sat at the table, serving herself a heaping plate of chicken alfredo and doing the same on my plate. I placed some garlic bread on both of our plates and served some salad on the smaller plates she grabbed.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You know I just like messing with you." We ate our food, trying to eat as civilized as possible. "Literally, fuck this." I was starving. I started shovelling food into my mouth, enjoying every last morsel as it entered my mouth. "I haven't eaten all day."

She gave me a smile, eating a little faster, joy covering her face. "Have I ever told you how much I love food? Like especially Italian food."

"No but I'm not surprised. This tastes heavenly, Kal. Thanks for the food."

"No problem at all. Plus, this means that it's your treat next time." She gave me a bright smile as she pushed back her straightened hair, her black beanie hanging on for dear life."So, about this painting you were talking about. What were you thinking?"

"Oh, yea. So I was thinking either a mural in my room or a painting in my living room or the office."

She nodded, looking around the living room. "How big were you thinking for the paintings? If you are leaning more towards the mural, which wall would you do it on?"

"We can walk around and look at the places, you can tell me the artistic aura that the rooms give to you." I laughed, knowing that without looking up she was already giving me a dirty look.

"I could just go, you know?" She threw her hands in the air and pushed her chair out, pretending to get up.

I laughed harder. "You are so dramatic. Please, stay?" I gave her my best puppy dog eyes.

She let out a loud sigh, "Fine. Just stop begging. I guess I'll stay." She pushed her chair back in, finishing the last few scraps on her plate. "Come on, hurry up. I need my artistic aura to feel the spaces."

"Fine, fine. I'm done. Let's go." I wiped my face, and got up from the table, Kali following suit. I grabbed her hand, leading her into the bedroom. "So I was thinking if we do the mural, it could be on the back wall, and my bed would like run along it. I just don't know what I would want it to be."

"Well, what if we did something that reminds you of back home? Like a skyline or something?" I saw her walk closer to the bed, ideas clearly running through her mind. "I'm sorry, I really don't know shit about Australia but I heard the Sydney skyline is beautiful, but you're not even from there, right?"

I shook my head. "I'm from Queensland, actually."

She nodded, still looking at the wall. "Yea, I have never heard of that place, but it sounds pretty."

I shrugged, memories of back home flooding my mind. "Yea, it has it's moments. Um, why don't we look at the other spots, yea?" She nodded, linking her arm in mine as we walked back out to the living room. "I was thinking if I put it out here, it could go right above the couch, kind of like the focal point of the room. So something with a bit more color than the rest of the room?"

She nodded. "No, I agree. I don't know what we would do though."

I shrugged, pulling her closer to me. "Maybe you just need to get to know me a little better."

I felt her grab onto my arm, pulling it a little bit closer to her. "You may be right about that, Power." I felt her nuzzle into the crook of my elbow, sending shivers down my spine.

We stood there for a minute, looking at the blank space in front us. I knew I would have to take her to my office and the thought made me nervous. I had never taken a girl into my office, especially one I liked, and definitely not one that watched me. I took a deep breath, knowing that it shouldn't make me this uncomfortable. Kali was different and I could trust her, right? "Next stop, shall we?" She nodded into my arm. We walked like that until we reached the door.

I froze. My hand was extended to the door knob, but I couldn't do it. "We don't have to, Lachlan. I really don't mind."

I look down at her, being met to see her deep brown eyes look up at me. "No, it's fine. Let's go." I opened the door and we walked in. My office is extremely underwhelming. I felt Kali release herself from my arms, exploring the room before us. "This is where you get to see happy Lachlan on screen at night."

"Two things again. One, I don't only watch you at night, and when I do, I'm in clothes and stuff, ok? Stop being gross." I laughed, following her as she walked around the room, passing my computer set up and towards a keyboard in the back corner of the office. "And two, I would have never guessed that you played." She sat down on the bench I have under it and started hitting a few random notes.

I nodded and sat beside her, playing a short melody. "Yea, one of the many things that I quit when I was younger. I did love it though, it's just the pressure was ridiculous."

"So you do love something," she said, cocking her eyebrow at me.

"Shut the hell up. Yes, I really do love it though. I stopped lessons but I did keep practicing and learning."

"How?" she asked, pressing more random keys.

"Youtube isn't just a place where you're lucky enough to see this charming face, you know? You can learn a lot of things on there, like how to play songs."

"Golly gee I would have never thunk it." She gave me a playful shove. "It just didn't register ok?" I smiled at her, scooting a little closer. "Could you, um, could you play me something?"

"Uh, yea. Um, let me see if I remember this." I played a few practice notes, knowing good and well I remembered how to play this song inside out. I played the opening notes to a song that I held deep to me since that fateful Sunday night over a year and a half ago.

"He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes, started making his way past 2 in the morning, he hasn't been sober for days," Kali sang next to me. The sound of her voice took me by surprise. I started playing harder, more passionately as she sang next to me. The memories from that night started flooding my mind. The vision of the ghost of a person I was, sunken eyes and purple bags under them; the fifth of vodka that was full when I entered the bathroom and completely empty when I was carried out of it; the blood that I watched flow from the gashes in my arms. "I guess I'll go home now, I guess I'll go home." We ended the song together. "That was absolutely beautiful. I would have never thought you could play like that."

"I would have never guessed that you could sing. You really can do it all. What are you, a superhero?" I said with a smile, attempting to push the memories away.

"I consider myself more an anti hero. I like doing the right things, I just may not go about them in exactly the right ways."

I laughed, remembering what happened a few days ago. "Yea, like trying to beat up an 18 year old?"

"Hey, he was being a dick! And I would have been able to take him, just saying!"

"Oh, I don't even kind of doubt that. I've felt your punches, multiple times," I said, rubbing my arm from her repeated 'playful' punches.

She stuck out her tongue at me, prompting me to give her a smile. "You didn't strike me as the kind of guy who would know how to play any All Time Low song, let alone _Remembering Sunday_."

"Lachlan Power: International Man of Mystery. It has a great ring to it."

"Yea, you idiot. You just stole the Austin Powers title," she laughed into her hand, forcing me to blush a little. She stopped laughing and bit her lip. "Have you ever considered, like, posting a video of you playing? Like on your channel?"

"Definitely not. You do know I run a gaming channel, yea?"

"Yes, but you vlog, too. And if I'm being honest, you do know a lot of people just watch you becuase you're funny and cute, not necessarily your gaming skills." She blushed a little when she said the last part, causing me to blush in return. "You would melt all the little fangirls' hearts, Power."

I put my hand to my chest. "Damn, and here I was just trying to melt yours." She rolled her eyes at me like I had expected. "How about this: I'll post a video of me playing, but only if you sing along with me."

"Absolutely not," she said flatly.

"Oh come on, you'd melt all the fanboys' hearts."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "I don't even have fanboys."

"But you will once you do this video with me." I gave her a toothy grin, trying to charm her as much as I can.

"What's in it for me?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's in it for me if I saw yes?" She bit her lip as she asked the question.

I looked at her trying to read her expression. She didn't seem like she was trying to use me or anything, but I didn't know what she was getting at. "What do you want?"

She thought hard before she asked the question, considering whether or not she should actually ask. She turned her body, straddling the bench between her legs to face me head on. I did the same and smirked at her, grabbing her hands in mine. She had a childlike smile on her face before she started talking. "So, I know next weekend is Christmas and I don't know what your plans are, but, on Friday, one of my friends is having an ugly Christmas sock party. I was wondering if you wanted to be my plus one."

She looked at me expectantly, awaiting my response. "Uh, I don't really know. I'm not that great meeting new people."

"It's going to be a small gathering, 15 people at most. We wouldn't have to spend the whole time there either. I leave to New York literally the next day so I wouldn't want to spend the night there anyway."

I nodded at her, watching her smile grow. "Fine, I accept your terms on one condition: I get to take you to the airport."

She smiled and hugged me. "Deal. I was just going to take an Uber anyway."

"Great. Let's get to recording, shall we?"

"That's all I have for you today!" I announced from our spots at the desk. Kali sat awkwardly next to me, smiling that beautiful smile of hers, but I knew she just wanted to run away. "If this is something you would like to see more of, leave some comments down below of songs you would like us to play! I hope you guys did enjoy. If you did, hit that like button down below and I'll catch you guys next time. Say by to the people, Kali."

"Bye guys!" she exclaimed while waving to the camera.

"Later guys!" I stopped recording and plugged the camera into my computer, opting to leave the editing for tomorrow but wanting to export the clips onto my computer now rather than later.

"You know, you said something super interesting in your outro," she said.

"Oh yea? What was that?"

"Leave some comments of what you would like us to play? I agreed to one video with you, Power. Look at you already making me regret it."

"Come on, it'll be great. You're acting like you didn't love working with me." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a forced hug.

"Why am I your friend?" she groaned into my chest.

"Because I'm awesome," I said with a shrug. I checked the time on my screen and realized it was getting late. "Hey, so I'm going to St. Pete this weekend and I need to pack. Do you mind keeping me company while I do? We could watch a movie in my room so you're not deathly bored."

She stroked her chin like she was seriously considering it. "Ok, but only if I could pick the movie!" She got up and dragged me to my room, our fingers intertwined.

"Do you mind if I change into something more comfortable?" She nodded as she started searching through my Netflix. I walked to the bathroom and traded my track pants and thermal for some flannels bottoms. I grabbed an extra pair, tossing them to Kali.

"What are these for?" she asked.

"Real pants suck for guys. I could only assume they suck more for girls."

"You just spoke to my soul," she said, jumping out of my bed and darting to the bathroom. I grabbed my duffle bag from the closet and starting thinking about what to possibly bring for my weekend with Jerome and Mitch. I never know what to expect when I visit them and now that I'm 21, I'm sure they're going to want to do something wild.

My mind was quickly snapped back to the present as I watched Kali emerge from the bathroom in a tight tank top, exposing her cleavage, and my baggy pajama bottoms that were sitting low on her hips and exposing part of her midriff. They had been rolled a few times since they were so long and honestly, she looked incredibly sexy. I immediately decided packing can wait until the morning and slid into my bed next to her as she got comfortable.

"What happened to packing?" she asked with a mischievous smile, cuddling up closer to me.

"I'm a last minute packer. I'll do it in the morning," I shrugged, pulling her body closer into mine. "What are we watching?"

"It's called 'Everybody Wants Some!'. I heard it was really good," she said as she clicked onto the movie.

"I have never heard of a truer title," I said with a chuckle. "I can literally feel you roll your eyes."

"You know me too well. Now shut up and watch the movie!"

About an hour in, Kali had fell asleep in my arms. I felt her twitch every now and then and I knew she was in a deep sleep. I watched her as she slept peacefully for a few moments before I felt myself fall as well. The last thing I remember thinking was how determined I was to make her mine one day.

 **Kali**

"Alrighty guys, what's going on? It is Lachlan here and today, we are doing something very different." Lachlan began doing his signature opening as I sat beside him, trying my best to look as natural as possible. "I'm joined here today by my new friend, Kali."

"Sup Youtube!" I said into the camera, trying to act as normal as possible.

He looked at me, giving me such a genuine smile. "Kali here has convinced me to do something very different than I usually put on this channel. So, a little known fact about me is that I know how to play the piano. It's something that's very personal to me and I'd like to share it with you all. So we'll be covering All Time Low's _Remembering Sunday._ Hope you enjoy!

He started playing and I began singing with him when the song called for it. He played with so much passion and emotion. I could see the tears forming in his eyes again, causing me to put my hand gently on his knee and give him a reassuring squeeze. I made it halfway through the third verse and the song was reaching the climax. "Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavor to find my whoever, wherever she may be," I sang.

"I'm not going back," I head Lachlan sing beside me, taking me completely by surprise. I let him sing that portion of the song, performing the backup vocals to the verse. "I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just washing you out of my hair."

"And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world," I had continued, seeing that Lachlan was now completely immersed in the piece.

We finished off the piece, both of us pausing to collect ourselves. Before I knew what was happening, he broke down into tears beside me. I pulled him into me, holding him tight. "Hey, don't cry. What's wrong? Talk to me."

"I don't think I can do this." He said in between his sobs.

"Do what? What don't you think you can do?" I straddled the bench once more and pulled him sideways into my chest. I gently rubbed his back and pulled his head under my chin, doing my best to comfort him.

"I can't post this. It reminds me too much of my accident." He paused, processing his thoughts before speaking again. "I learned this song because of my accident."

I gently wiped his tears away the best I could, rocking his body into me as I tried to soothe the beautiful and broken creature beside me. "We won't do anything that you don't want to, love. I'm not gonna push you to. We could delete the whole video right now if you'd like, or we could save it as something just for us. Whatever ever you want to do, ok?"

I felt his left arm wrap around my waist, his sobs beginning to slow down just a little. "Will you, um, come lay with me for a little bit?

I nodded against his head and felt him start to pull away, prompting me to let go and take his hand as he got up. We walked over to his room and he guided me to the center of his bed. I followed him, laying down as he began to remove his thermal shirt, exposing his bare arms and chest. He came into the bed and cuddled up next to me, laying his head directly into my shoulder and pulling my body closer to him.

"Kali, I trust you more than I've trusted anyone, and it's taken me awhile to come to terms with that. I'm accepting it now, though, because I realize it's because you understand me on a different level than my friends or family ever could. The thing is though, you're so incredibly different than me, too. You have this passion and strength in you. You're a fighter. You're everything I want to be, Kali." He wasn't looking at me as he spoke. His eyes were closed as he mindlessly played with the sleeve of my sweater.

"I'm really nothing special, I swear," I said, playing with his blonde hair.

"You are though. You're so giving and thoughtful. I feel like all I've ever been is selfish. I hate myself for that."

I felt tears stinging my eyes as he spoke. I wrapped my arm around him, trying to bring him closer than he already was. "Don't ever apologize for being selfish. If I wore more selfish back then, I would be a completely different person. I wouldn't have had put myself in the position of wanting to die. I wish I could be more selfish, because this giving and thoughtful lifestyle has given me more problems than anything else."

I could feel he had stopped crying. He looked up at me, his eyes red and still glassy. "What do you mean? How would being selfish had changed anything?"

I shook my head, pushing away the thoughts and images of that night. "It just would have."

"You don't have to be strong for me all the time, Kal. Let me be strong for you right now." He moved his hand to cup my face gently, exposing his cuts and scars on the process. I was reminded that he genuinely felt comfortable with me, knowing that he doesn't let anyone see his arms, not even his closest friends and family.

I sighed, knowing that he was right, that I should let him be there for me. "Fine, but I may ugly cry, so please don't judge me."

I meant it in a joking manner, but I watched his eyes soften as he looked at me. "I couldn't do that if I wanted to."

I felt my breath hitch, seeing him show so much compassion and concern in that moment. He really was very different than I expected him to be, and it's fair to say that I like this Lachlan much more than the one I see through the screen.

I let out a sigh, knowing that he would just be another person who knew my story, but he would be one of the few who heard it from me. Something about that sense of control pushed me to speak. "I was super involved when I came here for school. My freshman year, I was part of a multicultural leadership board, on the hunger and homelessness volunteer committee for the school, did Habitat for Humanity, and even got involved with the Food Not Bombs chapter in Orlando. I loved being busy and doing these things, because I loved helping people who truly needed it. It was great being so involved, but I felt like I never truly belonged if that makes sense. I wanted to find a sense of home.

"I eventually found this Latina women organization and fell in love. The people were so different and lively and what they stood for was everything that was important to me. I joined and to this day, it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. The following spring semester, I dropped all of the other clubs and put all my time and focus into this one. It was new and was really small, but I loved it. I was the one everyone would depend on and I would pick up everyone else's slacking, making their responsibilities my own.

"With everything I had put on my plate, my grades started slipping drastically over the course of that year. I went from a near 4.0 my first semester, to a 2.2 and a 1.8. I was always good in school, I had to be. My family was the model family for my cousins. We were the ones that got out of the bad neighborhood and made something of ourselves. Seeing how far I was slipping put even more pressure on me. I wasn't going to be perfect in my family's eyes anymore and I didn't know what to do. I started getting really bad anxiety attacks and I felt myself spiraling out of control. That's why I started cutting, and it helped, but only for so long.

"The thoughts started jumping around in my head December of 2013. I had slowly started convincing myself that my parents would hate me once they found out how terrible I'd been doing. I told myself everyone would be better without me. You know, that's rent and tuition for one kid my parents wouldn't have to deal with. I knew they would miss me, but I convinced myself that they would eventually move on."

I looked down at Lachlan as he listened intently. His mouth was in a tight line as he watched me speak. I hated having people see me this way, and I hated even more seeing the look of pity on their face. As I watched him, though, I could tell it wasn't pity in his eyes, it was hurt. Why did he look so hurt?

I pushed the thought to the side, getting to the part of the story I hated talking about. "It was January 5th, 2014, the Sunday before classes started. I had just gotten back to my apartment that Friday and was already feeling super anxious. I couldn't do it anymore. I wrote a note for each one of my parents, brother, and sister. I told them how much I loved them, but how I felt it was the best for everyone if I just left. I prepared a will, not that I had many possessions, but I wanted to make sure I would be given the funeral that I would have wanted, and, well, you know what happened then."

Lachlan laid in silence for a moment, taking in what I had told him. He looked out at the wall in front of him and I couldn't quite read what his expression was saying. "How were you found? Like did anyone suspect that something was wrong?"

"Well, my now roommate, Analys, had tried calling me nonstop. We had plans that I forgot about, and everyone knew I was constantly on my phone so it was weird that I wouldn't pick up. She got worried that maybe I had slipped or something in the shower so she got old roommate to open the door for her. No one was expecting to see what had actually happened."

"So none of your friends knew you cut or anything?" he asked, clearly surprised.

I just shook my head. "You're not the only one that can put on a happy act for the people he cares about," I said with a sad smile. I hadn't noticed the tears falling from my eyes until I felt him wipe them away. "

"Don't cry, beautiful," he said softly.

I chuckled lightly. "Please don't call me that."

"You are though. You are the most beautiful person inside and out that I have ever met." He looked deep into my eyes and I could feel my a blush come across my face. "And I've met a lot of people." He smiled at his lame attempt at a joke.

"And the moment is gone," I said smiling down at him.

"Wait, what? We were having a moment? Let's run that back one more time," he said, pulling me lower so that we were now face to face with each other. "Hey there, beautiful."

I playfully shoved him. "Go away," I said, laughing as I smushed his face. I felt him bite my hand lightly. "Ouch!"

"It's not nice to smush people. You may be beautiful but God you're mean."

"Beauty and a bitch. I rate it. If I had social media, I'd definitely make it my bio." I ran my hand against his arms, my eyes not able to stop glancing down at his muscles on his body.

"Why do you keep doing that?" He asked watching my hand move up and down his arm.

"Do what?"

"Why do you keep touching the scars?" He had a serious look on his face, not like he was upset, but instead like he genuinely wanted to know.

"It makes me feel closer to you," I whispered, not realizing that's the reason I was doing it until I had said it. I stopped moving my hands on him and pulled back. He looked at me quizzically, wondering what I was doing. I pulled off my sweater, exposing the tight camisole I had under and more importantly, my scar covered arms. "I want you to feel closer to me too."

I heard his breath catch in his breath, his eyes wandering from my face to my arms and to other places I was going to pretend I didn't notice. He watched me closely as I came back to him in his bed and laid close to him. His hands began exploring my arms, examining the marks as they continued to heal. "You know, I haven't cut since Sunday."

I looked at him with a smile. "Really? I'm happy for you."

He nodded slowly, biting his lip mindlessly as he thought. "It's been years since I started. It's kind of insane to think about. I started cutting in high school and years later, I still do it." He looked back at me, his eyes growing darker. "I remember the first time I cut. My home room teacher had asked me to stay after class to talk about the F I had gotten on a test. All she did was complain about how I was nothing like my sister and how my younger brother had more potential than me. As I was on my way home, the main guy that bullied me, Eric, started saying some really shitty stuff and beat the crap out of me. The pressure of that day was too much. I went home and took scissors to my wrist. It was the most in control I had ever felt up to that moment.

"It just got worse the older I got. I had the pressure from my parents to do better so that I could go to university, but that wasn't something I wanted at the time. Believe it or not, it got worse when I started Youtube. My parents were on my case, telling me that I wasn't focused on the right thing; people in school would call me fake and a fame seeker and they just used it as another reason to make fun of me.

"The feeling of constant disappointment was killing me, literally. I started drinking a lot. It got to the point where I would go to school drunk and bring it with me in water bottles. It was bad. Do you know how hard it was to pretend to be sober during those videos? I should get an award." He smirked a little, the look of remembrance still on his face.

"I really would have never guessed. You always looked so happy. I always wished I could have experienced a day with you just so I could take a break from my life," I said truthfully, thinking back to nights I would stay up and imagine adventuring around with this once stranger all the way across the world. The idea seemed silly back then, but now it's my reality.

He placed a kiss on my forehead, "It would have made things a lot easier. You know, you would have probably swooped in to keep me company just in time to stop me from doing this," he said motioning to the deep, jagged scars on both his arms.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not putting the pieces together quick enough.

"Three months after you discovered me on Youtube, I was wandering into my bathroom with a fifth of vodka and a 'I'm better off dead' attitude.I chugged it, all of it. I crashed the bottle against the bathroom mirror, being sickened by the person I was. It shattered to pieces, but there was this one piece that caught my attention. It was big and jagged. My arms started itching, the desire to cut overwhelming me. I took the glass and slid it deep along my next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital, my siblings and parents crying along my bed. I'm told my brother found me in the bathroom. Now I can't look at him without being guilty that I had scarred him for life. Sunday, April 19th, 2015: a day that basically defines me."

"It doesn't have to though. It's just a chapter in the very long journey of Lachlan," I said, trying to lighten the mood just a little, though it didn't seem that he was bothered to be talking about his past.

"You're right. I feel like I'm changing for the better. You know, I made a deal that if a certain someone makes me smile or laugh at least five times a day, I won't cut that night." He looked at me, biting his lip. "It's been effective I think."

I slid my hand down his arm until our hands met, tracing his fingers with my own. "What an interesting idea."

He pulled me closer so that we were chest to chest. He pulled our hands so that they were by our faces. "Yea, some hot cougar told me about it." He smiled and held me tighter, knowing I would hit him if I had the ability to.

I rolled my eyes at him. "God you're such a dick!"

He smiled at me, not loosening his grip until the look of realization crossed his face. "Fuck! Remembering Sunday just reminded me of _Remembering Sunday_. We need to finish the video." He groaned, making me laugh hysterically. "I don't feel like putting on a shirt."

"Come on," I said as I peeled myself from his grip. "Let's finish it up quickly and then you can take your shirt off all you want." I pulled my sweater back on, walking towards his mirror to adjust my beanie since I was starting to get bed head. "And fix your hair before the fan girls burn me at the stake because they assume I was the one that messed up your hair doing some not very G rated things."

He pulled his shirt on and came up next to me in the mirror. "Some not very G rated things, huh? I don't know how you expect me not to be a perv," he said with a cheeky smile, rustling his hair around until he eventually just went and grabbed a hat from his closet and popped it on.

I woke up in the middle of the night extremely disoriented. It was dark and I knew I wasn't in my room. I felt arms holding me tight, and looked to see that it was Lachlan. He slept so soundly next to me and it was hard to look away. I closed my eyes, not wanting to feel like I was being creepy by staring. I contemplated whether I should leave now or wait until the morning, deciding that I should stay so I wouldn't disrupt his sleep. What I didn't want to admit to myself was that I loved the feeling of sleeping in his arms, and it only hurt me more knowing that it could never go anywhere.


	9. Chapter Nine: Looking At Me

**Lachlan**

I heard soft breathing next to me. I slowly opened my eyes as I felt something move a little in my arms. There was a mess of dark gray hair in my face and a warm body pressed against me. _Kali_. I smiled, gently pinching my inner arm to make sure this wasn't another one of my dreams.

No, this was real. I had this beautiful human being asleep soundly in my arms and I couldn't help but feel a tinge of happiness.

I closed my eyes, attempting to enjoy this moment as much as I could until I heard my phone vibrating on my nightstand. "Fuck," I quietly cursed to myself. I gently unwrapped myself from Kali and grabbed my phone, seeing it was a little later than I thought. Mitch had texted me a few times asking when he should be expecting me. I groaned. I had forgotten I was heading there today and I still needed to edit my video, post it, and pack. I looked over at Kali, placing a gentle kiss on her head, then got up from my bed.

I walked into the office and started up my editing software. I called Mitch and he picked up after a few rings. "Dude, I thought you were heading out like an hour ago," he said, skipping pleasantries.

"Yea, I know. I kind of had a late night and forgot to set my alarm," I said in a raspy voice. "I should be heading out in about an hour. I just have to edit this video and pack really quick."

"You're not even packed, man? Oh God, you probably won't be here until tonight." I could imagine the annoyed look he had on his face.

"You only live like two hours away and it's only 10. Give me a break," I mumbled.

"What were you doing that was so important that you couldn't get ready for an epic weekend with me and Jerome?"

I sighed, mentally preparing for the rant I was about to receive. "Well, Kali came over and-"

"Dammit, Kali!" he screamed. "Go on."

I chuckled and continued. "We had dinner and recorded a video and just talked for a while. We fell asleep watching a movie and I forgot to set my alarm. Sorry, man." I was watching through the video and realized that it had captured my breakdown. I gulped as I quickly removed it from the edit and pieced it together with the outro.

"You did a video with her?" I could hear the concern in his voice. They knew how adamant I was when it came to separating Youtube from my personal life.

"Yea, it's something very different from what I would post on my channel." I let out a sigh. "We'll see how it goes I guess."

"You know, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued." He let out a light chuckle.

"Give me about thirty minutes and you'll be able to see it newly premiered on the internet." We both laughed and I could see his concern was slowly dissipating. "I do appreciate your concern man, just know that I'm alright, ok? You don't have to worry so much."

He let out a deep sigh. "I know I don't, but it's hard. I told your parents before you came here that I would be looking out for you and I don't wanna be a liar."

I bit my lip, remembering the conversation we all had when the decision was made that I come over here. It was one of the reasons why my parents were willing to let me stay on the other side of the world for a year. "I know. You won't be. I'm doing a lot better, I promise. You'll see it for yourself today."

"Good." The line was silent for a while before he decided to speak again. "Have you talked to them recently?"

My stomach tightened a little. I had been avoiding my parents for the past few days. I had spoken to them after my first therapy session and they were less than thrilled that I hadn't opened up about my self harming, even though I had tried to explain to them I have been making progress. Even after a year and a half, they still didn't really get it. "Not since Monday. Our last conversation didn't really end all that well. I have texted them everyday to let them know I was ok though."

"I'm sorry to hear that, man. But don't worry. The weekend of epicness will be the distraction you need!"

I could hear him smile as he said it and it made me smile too. Mitch has been the most supportive of all the guys. That's not to say the other guys weren't supportive, but Mitch almost took my attempt personally. He felt responsible for not knowing how bad it was, even though no one but me did. It made me feel guilty knowing what I did to him, but I honestly couldn't express to him how grateful I was. "I really appreciate it, Mitch. You're a pretty alright guy."

"Mediocrity is what I aim for," he said with a laugh.

I laughed along with him until I suddenly heard my door open. Kali walked in with two plates of waffles with Nutella and bananas. "I thought you could use some breakfast," she said with a smile and placed it in front of me, taking a seat on the chair next to me.

"Thanks," I said with a smile.

"For what?" I heard Mitch say in my ear.

"Oh, Kali brought me breakfast," I responded, taking a bite of the waffle.

"Shit, you're on the phone. I'll just go back to the kitchen." She began to stand but I grabbed her hand, my eyes pleading for her to return to the seat beside me. "You sure?" she whispered. I nodded. She sighed and sat back down, taking a bite out of her banana slice.

"Wait, Kali's there? Put me on speaker!" Mitch ordered.

I cocked my eyebrow in confusion towards at Kali, getting a strange look in return. I reluctantly put Mitch on speaker and placed the phone on my desk. "You're on, man."

"Kali? Can you hear me?" Mitch asked.

Kali's eyes went wide, obviously recognizing his voice. I smiled, now seeing the slightly starstruck expression on her face. I hadn't gotten to see it when she saw me for the first time, but I guess it was similar to her face now. Her jaw dropped a little and there was a little blush slowly crossing her cheeks. I smiled at her, causing her to blush a little more when she realized I had noticed. "Oh, hey there."

"Hey, I'm Mitch. So what is this I hear about you keeping Lachlan up late and stealing time away from me?" He said it with a playful edge in his voice, but I saw Kali blush even harder.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know he had plans to leave for the weekend until it was already late. I should have-"

Mitch bursted out laughing, cutting Kali off from her unnecessary apology. "I'm just kidding. I'm glad he's making some quality friends over there. Any friend of Lachlan is a friend of mine."

"Oh, um, thanks." Kali mumbled, embarrassed for believing Mitch earlier. "I really am sorry. I should have pushed him to get ready last night."

"Oh please. I knew he wouldn't be ready on time. He is literally the king of procrastination."

"I am not that bad!" I cut in, doing a poor job of defending myself.

Mitch started laughing again. "I'm truly curious to see how long it takes you to pack without your mom helping you."

"Shut up, ass hole!" I yelled. I started blushing as I heard Kali try to suppress a laugh beside me. "Ok I think it's time I hang up now."

"You're right. Finish your video and pack already. Can't wait to see if Kali is really as hot as you say she is." My face went red and I took the phone off speaker. I saw her blush slightly, trying to pretend she hadn't heard that.

"Bye, Mitchell," I said, hanging up the phone abruptly. I ate the rest of my breakfast in silence, trying to edit the video as fast as I could.

"So they know about me?" Kali basically said in a whisper. I nodded shyly. "Do they know I know them?" I shook my head. "Oh."

I couldn't quite read the expression on her face. "Kali, um, I may have mentioned to them that we met at group," I said, biting my lip as I waited for her reaction.

She nodded, almost like she had already expected that. "I figured. You don't really go anywhere on your own." She paused, thinking about what to say before she continued to speak. "How much do they know about me?"

I looked at her, my eyes pleading for her to trust me. "All they know is that we're in the same group and that you're my mentor. I would never tell them anything you tell me. I'm not that much of an ass hole."

She just nodded mindlessly, her mind clearly not there with us. "Can I watch it before you post it?" She motioned to the video on my screen.

I nodded and played it from the beginning. My voice rang through my speakers, followed by the sound of the piano and Kali's beautiful voice. I watched myself sing along with her, a pit of doubt forming in my stomach again. I was getting nervous about posting it.

"People would be crazy not to love it, Power. You really do play beautifully."

I smiled at her. "We both know it's the vocals that carried the song." She gave me a playful shove, a smile spreading across her face. "I don't want you to think I only like you because you're hot." Her smile dropped from her face, obviously not expecting me to bring this up again. "You truly are beautiful inside and out, Kali. I honestly believe that and I know you know I do." I lifted her chin so that she couldn't keep averting her eyes from me. I looked at her, waiting for a response.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked quietly. There was sadness in her eyes and I couldn't tell why.

"Tell me I'm not the only one who enjoyed the feeling of having you next to me while I slept. Tell me that it felt right to you too."

"Lachlan," she said as she shook her head. "If I told you I didn't agree with you, I'd be lying, but I told you Monday that this can't go very far. I need you to understand that."

"I do, I get it. I just need to know I'm not the only one feeling like this."

She came closer to me, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. She bit her lip as she pulled away. "You're not." She got up from her seat, collecting both of our empty plates, and left the room.

Kali had left by the time I walked out of my office. I only realized it because I had found the pajama bottoms I let her borrow folded neatly on my bed with a note in her handwriting.

 _Didn't want to interrupt you again. Text me when you get to St. Pete safely. Enjoy your crazy weekend, Power :)_

I smiled just thinking about the note as I pulled into Mitch and Jerome's driveway. I parked my car, retrieving my duffle bag, laptop, and camera bag. I walked to the door and saw that it was unlocked, so I decided that was a cue to make myself at home. "Fuckboys, I have arrived!" I shouted into the house.

"What the hell?" I heard Jerome say as he turned the corner from the living room into the front entrance. He smiled as he got closer, pulling me into a tight hug. "You've been missed! Thanks for the announcement by the way. I love being woken from my afternoon nap so peacefully."

I laughed as I put my bags down on the floor. "I do what I can. Where's Mitch?" I asked as I looked around and realized he still hadn't shown up.

"Before I fell asleep, he said he was going to get some pizza so he's probably on his way back now."

I shrugged and nodded, picking up my bags as I made my way to the guest room I usually stay in. Jerome followed me, helping me setup my laptop and camera on the desk that I'd be using for the next two days.

"Honey, I'm home." Mitch exclaimed from downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks for telling me you were here by the way, ass hole. I had to guess when you'd be arriving since you are literally the worst at sending an ETA."

"Shit, that reminds me, I have to text Kali." I pulled out my phone and sent her a quick message. She quickly replied, telling me to enjoy myself and that I shouldn't test her while I was with my friends. I smiled, typing a response and quickly put my phone away, only to look up and see two pairs of eyes staring at me with huge smirks on their faces. "What?"

"We saw the video," Jerome said, pulling one of the pizza boxes towards him and grabbing a pepperoni slice.

"Ok?" I said cautiously, grabbing a slice for myself and taking a bite.

"We saw the way you looked at her, man." Mitch said, the smirk never leaving his face. "How do you fall so hard for someone so fast?"

I felt myself blushing, but knew it was stupid to pretend that they didn't have a point. "Ok, I like her a lot. It sucks. I don't know what to do."

They looked at me, confusion clear on their faces. "What do you mean you don't know what to do?" Mitch asked. "She was giving you the same look. She obviously likes you too."

"She made it very clear that nothing serious can happen between us." I said, starting to lose my appetite.

Jerome nearly choked on his pizza. "Wait, so you like want to have like a relationship with his girl? Who are you?"

"She's different. I can't quite explain it, but I've known her for less than two weeks and she already makes me want to be a better person. Is that crazy?"

Jerome stared at me in shock while Mitch smiled at me like he was proud or something. "Fuck it," Jerome said, causing Mitch and I to switch our focus on him. "We're going out tonight. I don't know how I feel about this lovestruck Lachlan, but I think you just need to get laid."

I looked at him, and I'm sure he could see the confusion in my face. "I'm down to go out, but why is it bad that I want to be in a relationship with this girl?"

Jerome just shrugged. "I just don't want you to get hurt, ok? You came here to get better and I don't think chasing after this girl is gonna help."

Mitch decided to speak up. "Why are you assuming the worst?"

Jerome glared at Mitch, making me feel really uncomfortable. "Because someone needs to be realistic. You can't tell me that you don't think the same. You've known her for like two weeks and she's already on your channel? How do you know she's not using you?"

"Because I asked her to be in it. She didn't push it." I looked at Jerome dead in the eyes. He was beginning to make me angry.

He looked back between Mitch and I, backing up. "Fine. Don't get mad at me for being worried. I don't want to say I told you so down the line, so please don't make me have to." He walked out of the room and slammed his door.

I laid in my bed in silence after we came back from some club. Jerome had apologized for being a dick and I accepted, but I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. Kali couldn't be using me, right? I had pushed those concerns out of my head already since she seemed way too genuine for that, but how could I know for sure? I felt a tight knot in my stomach and I felt like I just had to see her. It was around two in the morning so I was hoping she'd be awake when I called her on FaceTime.

It rang three times before I saw her face come across my screen. "Lachlan?" She said, a worried look on her face. "Are you ok?"

All the doubts Jerome had presented quickly faded. I smiled at her concern, sitting up on my bed so she wouldn't be looking at me at an awkward angle. "I'm fine, just miss you I guess."

She gave me a questioning look. "Didn't I tell you not to bother me while you're with your friends?"

"You said not to text you. I didn't text you." I gave her a cheeky smile as she rolled her eyes at me in faux annoyance.

"How did you know I wasn't sleeping?"

"Wishful thinking I guess. Plus I knew you missed me too and I couldn't let you sleep with that pain." She flipped me off and I bursted out laughing. "I know that's how you show your affection."

"I would punch you if I was there."

"And here I was thinking we could do something else," I said biting my lip. I knew I was coming off strong, but it was getting late and I couldn't help it. The little bit of alcohol I had at the club was clouding my judgment.

She cocked her eyebrow at me, adjusting herself in her bed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Is it bad that I really liked how you felt against me last night?"

She shook her head and laughed. "I knew I shouldn't have stayed the night."

"I should have kissed you," I said before I could fully process what I was saying. I felt myself blush and watched as she did the same.

"Maybe you should have."

"Would you have let me?" I asked hopefully, knowing that she felt conflicted about her feelings for me. I knew she felt the same way I did, but the damn rules of the group wouldn't let her act on it.

"Who knows? Maybe third time would have been the charm," she said, biting her lip playfully.

"It drives me crazy when you do that," my voice coming out low.

"Do what?" she asked playing as she played with her hair. Her phone slipped a bit, exposing her cleavage. I felt a lump form in my throats and I started feeling hot. It's been a while since I've been…intimate with someone so my senses were heightened. I felt Kali could tell and a blush instantly covered her face. "Go take a cold shower before you say or do something you're going to regret tomorrow."

I nodded slowly, my eyes moving from her hazy eyes to her soft lips to her… "You're probably right. Good night, beautiful."

She chuckled. "Night, handsome," she said with a wink before she disappeared from my screen. My mind continued to wander to places it shouldn't have and I couldn't stop, nor did I want to. I guess there's no surprise what I'll be dreaming about tonight.

 **Kali**

I woke up to the feeling of Lachlan's arms leaving my waist and I suddenly felt like something was missing. I turned my head and watched him leave the room. I guess he hadn't realized that he woke me up. I got out of the bed and made my way to the kitchen, deciding to surprise Lachlan with some breakfast. I saw he had a waffle maker when we were baking last week and pulled it out, letting it heat up as I quickly prepared some batter. I poured it into the large waffle maker and began to chop some bananas to put on the waffles. I pulled out some Nutella from his pantry and smeared it on the fresh waffles and spread the bananas on top. It may not have looked that appetizing, but it smelled delicious.

I figured Lachlan was in his office so I made my way there, gently opening the door so I wouldn't distract him too much. I heard him laugh as he looked back and saw me carrying in the food. "I thought you could use some breakfast," I said with a smile as I sat next to him.

"Thanks," he said, returning my smile. "Oh, Kali brought me breakfast."

I looked at him, confused. Then I realized it. "Shit, you're on the phone. I'll just go back to the kitchen." I felt him grab my hand, pulling me down towards the chair. "You sure?" I saw him nod before I reluctantly sat back down.

I began to quietly eat my breakfast until I felt him look back at me with a confused look on his face, causing me to do the same. He put his phone face down on the desk. "You're on, man," he said, taking a big bite out of his waffle.

"Kali," a very familiar voice said, "can you hear me?"

I felt my eyes go wide and my mouth drop a little. Was this really happening? I felt Lachlan looking at me and my face instantly went red from embarrassment. I realized I hadn't responded after what was possibly an uncomfortable pause on his end. "Oh, hey there," I tried to say as casually as possible.

"Hey, I'm Mitch,"he said, reaffirming my suspicions as to who he was. "So what is this I hear about you keeping Lachlan up late and stealing time away from me?" he asked, what sounded like anger and jealously laced in his voice.

I felt my face get super hot. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know he had plans to leave for the weekend until it was already late. I should have-" he cut me off with loud laughter from my rant of an apology.

"I'm just kidding," he said when he was finally able to stop laughing. "I'm glad he's making some quality friends over there. Any friend of Lachlan is a friend of mine."

"Oh, um, thanks. I really am sorry. I should have pushed him to get ready last night."

"Oh, please," he said, letting out another laugh. "I knew he wouldn't be ready on time. He is literally the king of procrastination."

Lachlan looked at the phone angrily. "I am not that bad!"

Mitch started laughing harder. "I'm truly curious to see how long it takes you to pack without your mom helping you."

I covered my mouth, trying to pretend I was coughing but actually trying to cover up a laugh. "Shut up, ass hole!" Lachlan yelled beside me. I saw him blush in embarrassment and it made me want to laugh harder. "Ok I think it's time I hang up now."

"You're right," Mitch's voice rang from the phone. "Finish your video and pack already. Can't wait to see if Kali is really as hot as you say she is." I saw his face go red just as mine did. I looked away and mindlessly played with the little bits of food on my plate.

"Bye, Mitchell," he said quickly as he hung up the phone. He averted eye contact with me as he quickly finished his food and edited the video we recorded yesterday.

"So they know about me?" I asked, breaking the silence. He nodded slowly. "Do they know I know them?" He slowly shook his head. "Oh," I said, not sure how to feel.

He looked at me and I could tell he was going to tell me something he didn't want to. "Kali, um, I may have mentioned to them that we met at group." He spoke in such a quiet whisper, I almost wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly.

But I knew I had. I nodded slowly, not surprised by what he had said. "I figured. You don't really go anywhere on your own." A thought crossed my mind that I had never felt the need to think about before, but now it felt painfully obvious to ask. "How much do they know about me?"

Lachlan's eyes lightened as I looked at them, almost like they were becoming a little more glassy. "All they know is that we're in the same group and that you're my mentor. I would never tell them anything you tell me." I felt him grab my hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm not that much of an ass hole."

I nodded as my thoughts began to run wild. How could I be certain that he didn't accidently slip up when he was talking to his friends? They already knew I self harmed, and like I had told him before, that's not something I really liked to advertise. I felt uncomfortable sitting next to him now, and I felt terrible for thinking that but it's kind of hard not to. I looked at the screen and saw he was quickly creating a thumbnail for our video together. "Can I watch it before you post it?"

He nodded and played the video. He gave his intro and luckily I didn't look as awkward on camera as I had felt during that part. The song sounded beautiful in the video and I couldn't help but think about how I had cradled him in my arms after we had finished this recording. He had allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me and I did the same with him. I felt guilty for doubting how much a could trust him and quickly pushed any negative thoughts I had had to the back of my mind, enjoying the sound of his voice and mine as he played the melody of a song he held so close to him.

"People would be crazy not to love it, Power," I said, feeling he had shifted uncomfortably during the video. "You really do play beautifully."

He gave me a warm smile, the glassy look still present in his eyes. "We both know it's the vocals that carried the song." I gave him a playful shove and a reassuring smile. "I don't want you to think I only like you because you're hot," he said quickly, the smiles leaving both of our faces at his untimely confession. "You truly are beautiful inside and out, Kali. I honestly believe that and I know you know I do." I felt his hand raise my chin, forcing me to look into his icy, blue eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" That was all I could manage to get out without my emotions going crazy. Of course I knew how he felt about me and I know he knows I reciprocate those feelings. I feel like I'm the only one trying to stop them even though we both know there is no good that can come of it.

I held both my hands in his, his eyes never breaking away from mine. "Tell me I'm not the only one who enjoyed the feeling of having you next to me while I slept. Tell me it felt right to you too."

I bit my lip and shook my head, trying to find the words to say to the beautiful man sitting in front of me. "Lachlan, if I told you I didn't agree with you, I'd be lying, but I told you Monday that this can't go very far. I need you to understand that."

"I do," he pleaded, "I get it. I just need to know I'm not the only one feeling like this."

I looked him in his eyes and leaned in closer, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. I pulled away and averted my eyes again. "You're not," I said as i grabbed our plates and went into the kitchen. I washed the dishes I had dirtied and wiped off the counters, making it look as untouched as possible.

He was still in his office, so I decided now would be the perfect time for me to leave without us having to have any further conversations that I knew neither of us were ready for. I quickly made his bed and slid out of the pajama bottoms he had let me borrow and into my own jeans and sweater. I folded it and started towards the door. I stopped when I grabbed the handle, my conscience telling me it was wrong to leave without telling him. I sighed as I looked for a plain piece of paper and a pen and quickly wrote a note. I left it on top of his pajama bottoms and walked out of his front door as quickly and as quietly as I could.

I got back to my apartment and I silently prayed my roommates were either in their rooms or out for the day. I hadn't told them that I was spending time with a new friend, and I definitely didn't tell them it was a guy. I got to the door and could hear noise from inside. I signed, knowing this wasn't going to be as pain free as I was hoping.

I walked in and saw Analys and Carina in the living room watching Christmas cartoons. Their eyes both shot to me, mischievous looks crossing their faces. Analys muted the television and watched me expectantly as I hung up my keys and tried to make my way to my room. "I knew you didn't sleep here last night."

Carina tried to hold back a smile, but I could see it pushing its way out. "Had a long night, Kal?"

I sighed, turning around and sitting down with them on the couch, "It's not what you think, I promise."

"What do you think we think?" Analys asked, blinking her small brown eyes at me.

I threw my head in my hands, knowing that the sooner I get this over with, the better. Carina and Analys were both members of the Latina women's group I was part of during college. We all joined around the same time and had gotten really close since then, despite them being cousins and being a few years older than me. Carina was like the big sister I never had and always motivated me to stay focused and keep a good head on my shoulders. Analys was a wild child, bringing out more of my free spirited side. They had taken me under their wing when I was just a freshman and we had been close ever since. Since we were so close, that means they also knew just how to get under my skin and get what they wanted out of me. "Yes, I was with a guy. No, we did not have sex."

Analys covered her mouth as she squealed with excitement. Carina just laughed at her cousin's dramatic reaction. Analys glared at her before looking back at me, genuine excitement in her eyes. "You didn't tell me you were talking to someone."

I looked away from both of them and stared at the silent television screen. "I didn't tell anyone because we're not talking, we're just friends."

"Oh so you stayed up all night?" Carina looked at me, giving me a look that says that she knows that's bull shit.

"Ok, ok. We slept together but we didn't sleep together." I tried to fight a smile from spreading across my face but I knew I was failing miserably.

"Oh my god! Girl, you really like him! Oh my god, let me see what he looks like." Analys gushed. She had been pushing me to start dating since a few months back, telling me it wasn't healthy to still be hung up on Reese, even though that wasn't really what was happening. She kept telling me I needed to find a distraction, even if it was just a guy to keep my mind from wandering to my dark place. I reluctantly pulled out my phone and scrolled through my pictures. We had taken some pretty terrible selfies while mini golfing and just looking at them made me smile. I opted to show her the picture that we took in front of the hot air balloon at Downtown Disney.

I sighed and handed her my phone and watched as her and Carina studied the picture. "Kali, you look so pretty and happy in this picture! I love your outfit!" Analys exclaimed.

Carina let out a soft chuckle. "Bruh, I always knew you'd end up with a white boy."

I rolled my eyes at her, recalling the jokes they had made over the past few years and the faux bets they had placed on the ethnicity of the man I would end up with. I had convinced myself I would end up with a Latino guy. Analys always said I would end up with a black guy since all my boyfriends prior to Reese had been African American. Carina, on the other hand, was adamant that my inner white girl would get the best of me and I would end up with a blond haired, blue eyed white boy and at the moment, I was doing very little to prove her wrong. "Fuck, Cari, he's like fresh off the plane Australian, too," I said with a groan. I hated when they were right.

They both started laughing hysterically, knowing good and well I was embarrassed. "Only you, man. But on a serious note, when do we get to meet this mystery boy?" Analys asked, passing me back my phone.

"I invited him as my plus one to Ash's Christmas party since she told us we could bring someone, so I guess if he's crazy enough to come like he said he was, you'll meet him there."

They both focused their attention back to the television as I took the movie off of mute. "He has one week," Carina mumbled, "God bless his soul."

I chuckled as I walked back to my room, knowing that Lachlan really may need that blessing when he meets my friends. I quickly grabbed a pair of black jeans and a slightly cropped olive green sweater from my closet and tossed them on my bed, making my way to the bathroom for a quick shower. I had plans to meet Eirene for lunch and some Christmas shopping. I had already gotten something for my family and a few close friends, but I knew my sister needed to get something for her girlfriend and I had decided that maybe I should get something for Lachlan.

I got ready fairly quickly, touching up my hair just a bit since I had gotten severe bed head last night before hearing my phone ring. I looked and saw it was Rene texting me that she was here. I quickly slipped on my shoes and grabbed my bag before running downstairs.

We were walking through Michael's as I looked for some art supplies for Lachlan's gift. My sister had been pretty quiet, which was weird for her and it really started bugging me. "Are you good, Rene?"

She looked at me, her eyes widening expectantly. "You tell me, Kal."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as I picked up a medium sized, blank canvas.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" I cocked my eyebrow, obviously not following. She pulled out her phone and typed something quickly, turning it to me once the image was clear. On the screen was the thumbnail of the video Lachlan had posted of us, and I could feel my face instantly go red.

"How did you even find this?" I whispered, taking the phone from her and closing out of it.

"I subbed his channel and followed him on Insta and Twitter. If you weren't going to cyberstalk, someone had to." She shrugged casually as we made our way to the pencil aisle. "I still don't know why you didn't tell me."

I walked, carefully looking over the colored pencils before me and selecting the ones in the best condition. "It's not a big deal or anything. I'm trying really hard to keep it low key, and you're not really helping, sissy. You didn't tell anyone or post that anywhere, right?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not an idiot. I wouldn't have done that without your permission."

She stopped talking, but I knew there was more she wanted to say. Her lingering silence was killing me. "What now?" I asked, turning to her impatiently.

"Nothing, I just haven't heard you sing in a while. And did you see the way he looked at you, or more importantly the way you looked at him?"

I scuffed at her and walked quickly down the aisle. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Just then, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

 **LACHLAN** : _Hey, I just got to Mitch and Jerome's. Hope you're not missing me too much ;)_

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile.

 **KALI:** __ _Not even a little bit ^_^ Glad to hear you're there safe. Enjoy your weekend and I swear I better not see your name in my inbox while you're visiting your friends_

 **LACHLAN** _: Fine! Have a good weekend Kal, text you Monday_

I read his message and put my phone away, smiling like an idiot. I felt eyes on me and saw my sister looking at me. "What?"

"He must have texted you because I know you don't smile like that when Mami or Papi text you."

"Shut the fuck up and let's get out of here."

I had been working on Lachlan's gift since Rene dropped me off back home. What she had said had been ringing in my head. How do I really feel about him? Can she see something that I can't? I bit my lip before going on YouTube and clicking on the video. I saw his face come across the screen and mine quickly joined it. I tried to watch the way we interacted. It didn't look like anything further than friendship, right? The glances we stole at each other weren't indicating anything more than I thought they were, were they?

Halfway through the video, my phone started ringing. Lachlan was Facetiming me and it was 2 in the morning. My mind immediately assumed the worse. "Lachlan?" I asked as his face showed up on my screen. "Are you ok?"

He smiled at me as he sat up on his bed, giving me a glimpse of his bare chest. "I'm fine, just miss you I guess."

"Didn't I tell you not to bother me while you're with your friends?"

"You said not to text you. I didn't text you."

I rolled my eyes at him as he tried to give me his innocent smile. "How did you know I wasn't sleeping?"

"Wishful thinking I guess. Plus I knew you missed me too and I couldn't let you sleep with that pain."I flipped him off and he started laughing hysterically, the sound filling my room. "I know that's how you show your affection."

"I would punch you if I was there," I said with a sly smirk.

"And here I was thinking we could do something else." He bit his lip as his voice trailed off at the end. I could see his eyes getting clouded with what looked like lust.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little curious as to what he was getting at. "What did you have in mind?"

"Is it bad that I really liked how you felt against me last night?" He looked at me like he needed approval for his feelings.

I shook my head and laughed. _Believe me, your body made it clear that you like how it felt_ , I thought to myself. "I knew I shouldn't have stayed the night."

"I should have kissed you." His face went red and I could feel mine begin to do the same. He seemed a little off, his thoughts jumping around, but I couldn't tell why.

"Maybe you should have," I tried to sound casual, but I think it kind of came out as more of a tease.

"Would you have let me?" I could see the hope in his eyes, but his question rang in my ears. Would I have let him?

I bit my lip, contemplating my thoughts but knowing I needed to give him some sort of an answer. "Who knows? Maybe third time would have been the charm."

"It drives me crazy when you do that," he said in a low, husky voice. There was definitely lust in his eyes now.

I couldn't help but tease him a little bit. "Do what?" I tried to play with my hair in a way that would be perceived as sexy until my phone slipped from my hand into my lap. I could feel him staring at me, his eyes wandering from my lips to my chest and it was making my face hot. "Go take a cold shower before you say or do something you're going to regret tomorrow," I tried to say it playfully, but I meant it. I meant it more for me, though, than I did for him. He could say something and I'd be wrapped around his finger, but I can't let him put me in that position. I can't allow myself to be in that position.

I could still feel his eyes running over me, but something about the way he did it excited me. "You're probably right," he said, his voice still low. "Good night, beautiful."

"Night, handsome," I whispered before hanging up. I was left alone with my thoughts and Lachlan's unfinished gift laid before me. I placed the materials on the floor and really considered my growing feelings for the blond guy that I used to watch through my screen. I knew it was wrong, but is it really that bad if it felt so right?

My mind continued to play out scenarios it shouldn't have and I couldn't stop, nor did I want to. I guess there's no surprise what I'll be dreaming about tonight.


	10. Chapter Ten: Christmas Socks

**Lachlan**

It's been six days since the late night FaceTime incident with Kali. She could tell I had been drinking and assumed that was why I was being so flirtatious, but I knew it wasn't. Yes, it made me a little bolder, but everything I said was what I wanted to. These past few days, my thoughts and feelings towards Kali had taken a very sexual turn, but I still cared for her on an emotional level too.

Things seemed different now. I couldn't quite figure out why, but it just was. Kali would be super flirty one moment and a few minutes later, she would get really distant. I had feared that I would put an awkward strain on our relationship, and I was proving right. I think our interaction yesterday perfectly summed up what it's been like this week. I closed my eyes as I sat at the red light on my way to her apartment, replaying the scene in my mind.

 _Kali had just arrived and was wearing a Santa hat with a matching onesie and had a bag in her hand, extending it towards me. She had a mischievous smile as I grabbed the bag from her. "Two things," I said, looking between her and the bag. "First, you look absolutely adorable. Is this like one of those sexy roleplays like when people dress up as cops? Is this a 'special' Christmas gift? Have I been naughty or nice?" I asked with a flirty tone._

 _She shoved me playfully and laughed, strolling over to the couch before taking a seat. "Fuck off and open the damn bag."_

" _That was actually the second thing. What's this for?" She just looked at me and motioned for me to open it. I sighed and opened the bag, exposing a mass of green material. "What the hell is this?"_

 _She wrung her hands maniacally. "I told you there were conditions to me being in this holiday video with you. The condition for this one is that I get to choose the outfits." Her perfectly painted red lips turned into an evil smirk as I dug my hand in the bag and pulled out the contents._

" _Fuck that, man. I'm not wearing this." The contents unravelled, exposing a green elf outfit, hat and ears included. "Kali, you know I would do anything for you, but this" I said lifting it against my body, "is more than I signed up for."_

 _She shrugged and got up from the couch. "Ok, you have a right to choose what you wanna wear. I guess I'll just head home then." She started towards the door, giving me sad, puppy dog eyes._

 _I sighed and grabbed her by the waist as she passed me and pulled her close to me so we were chest to chest. She looked up into my eyes, our lips just inches apart. "Do you really want me to wear this?" She nodded, never breaking our eye contact. "Would it make you happy?" She nodded again, this time a little slower as her eyes slowly looked down at my lips and back to mine. "I'll do it then," I said, releasing her from my grip. I turned away from her and heard her let out a breath she had been holding in. I smiled to myself, satisfied with the reaction she had just given._

 _I walked into my room and stripped out of the joggers and t-shirt I had been wearing, leaving me in my boxers and socks. I laid out the onesie in front of me, surprised with myself that I had agreed to do this. I slipped it on and honestly, I knew I looked ridiculous, but God I was comfortable._

 _I emerged from the room to see Kali looking at her phone. "Hey so I was looking at the lyrics and I was wondering - holy shit." She finally looked up and began laughing instantly. "You look so fucking adorable. I need a picture of this!" She pointed the camera towards me and I jumped on her, stopping her from being able to get anything._

 _I had her pinned against the couch and again, our faces were just inches from each other. I pulled away and grabbed her phone, shoving it in my pocket. "Can I at least put my hat and ears on before you try to take a picture?"_

 _She smiled and walked towards me. "Of course. You wouldn't be Lachlan the Loyal, Little Elf unless you did." She grabbed the hat from my hands and placed it securely on my head, causing me to blush for some reason. She bit her lip and backed up a little, taking in our appearances. "After this video, we are going to have the illest photoshoot, just a forewarning."_

 _I threw my head in my hands. "Why did I invite you here," I said dramatically, looking up to see her smiling at me. I smiled back and grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers. "Ok, let's get to recording so that we have more time to enjoy the unbelievably freeing feeling of these onesies."_

 _She laughed and pulled me towards my office, taking her spot at the piano as I did my intro. I had thought since we were fully in the holiday season, Kali and I could do a cover of_ Baby It's Cold Outside _since it was highly requested and appropriate for the time of year. We had received really positive feedback regarding the video and even though I hadn't intended to sing in the first video, I had a lot of requests to sing more in future songs so this would be the perfect opportunity to._

 _It took us a few takes to get through the whole song. My voice had kept cracking in the first take; the second take, Kali had leaned in too close at my elf ears and poked herself, causing her to laugh uncontrollably; and third time, I accidently started singing the girl's part during the second verse. We finally got through it correctly the fourth time and I closed out the video._

 _Kali got up quickly and started blasting Christmas music. "It's picture time!" We had taken tons of pictures of each other as well as picture together, like one of me carrying her bridal style as she held onto my neck in one and had her hands thrown up in the other. We did another where I had her piggy back style, and an even funnier one of her trying to do it to me. I think my favorite, however, was her standing on a chair so that she could be taller than me and she leaned against me with her leg crossed over the other. "These are fucking epic!"_

 _I smiled, scrolling through all the pictures that were taken. "They are. Look at all the Christmas card options." We laughed looking at everything. The best ones were possibly the candids. There was this absolutely beautiful one of Kali slightly bent over, laughing while the light from the window caught her eyes. I don't know why she was laughing, but I wish I could remember to see her laugh like that again. "Do you mind if I edit for a bit and then we can just Netflix for a bit?"_

 _She cocked her eyebrow at me. "Lachlan Power, are you trying to Netflix and Chill?"_

 _I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh fuck off. I'm better than Netflix and Chill. I like to believe I'm more of a gentleman than that. Give me some credit." She smiled and laid her head on my shoulder as I played and edited the video. She was being too quiet and I could tell she was thinking about something. "Are you ok?" I asked._

" _Yea. it's just everytime I hear this song, I think of when they sang this song in the Glee Project and how it was ended with an unexpected kiss," she said in a near whisper. She was looking down at her lap and I could see a blush appear on her face._

 _I smiled at her, amused at the thought. "So you were expecting an unexpected kiss?"_

 _She shook her head, her face turning redder. "Oh, God no. I was just thinking."_

" _You confuse the shit out of me, you know?" I said, still smiling, but I saw her become serious._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _I can't read you sometimes. Like I feel like you don't know what you want me to do. I feel like you're waiting for me to do something but if I ever talk about it, you push it away or dismiss it."_

" _I'm not trying to confuse you," she said as she got up, walking towards the door._

" _Wait, where are you going?" I looked at her with confusion._

" _I just need something to drink. I'm feeling a little drained."_

And it stayed awkward after. She distance herself during the movie and left immediately after. The weirdest part, though, was when she texted me letting me know she had arrived home, she acted as if everything was normal and like things hadn't gotten weird before she left. I sighed as I parked my car in front of her building, picking up her gift from the passenger seat and heading upstairs to her door.

I knocked and she appeared a few seconds later since she was expecting me. She gave me a beautiful smile and motioned for me to come in. "Early as usual. I'm almost ready, I just need to get the finishing touch to my outfit. Wait, what's that?" she asked, motioning to the gift in my hands.

"I got you something." I said with a smile, extending it towards her.

She frowned. "We never talked about exchanging gifts," she said in a near whisper, averting my eye contact. She let out a loud sigh. "I guess it's a good thing I got you something, too." She looked at me slyly, a smile slowly crossing her face.

"You didn't need to get me anything, you know."

"Oh, I know. I wanted to though. We can open them together after the party. I would say wait until Christmas but I really wanna see your face and I don't know if either of us will have time to FaceTime during Christmas."

I nodded at her and she got up, starting towards her room. "You look beautiful by the way," I called after her. She had on a red, long sleeve t shirt dress with knee high, reindeer socks and her hair was down and curly, the dark gray contrasting perfectly with the bright red of her dress.

She called back at me from her room. "You haven't even seen the best part!" She emerged a minute later and I laughed uncontrollably. She smiled, knowing I was laughing because of the reindeer antlers and red nose. "Just call me Rudolph, Dollface." She extended her hand, helping me up.

"Please call me Lachlan, Rudolph." She rolled her eyes as I got up and pulled out my phone to take a picture of her. She instantly posed, putting her hands in front of her and popping her right leg. I smiled as I snapped the picture and pulled her into my side so that I could take a selfie of us two together. She stuck out her tongue as I turned and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She blushed a little and I took another picture of us, her giving me a look as I just smiled obliviously. I felt these two photos captured our weird and confusing relationship perfectly.

We got to the gathering around 9 PM and I could hear loud music on the other side of the door. I let out a sigh and Kali looked at me. She grabbed my hand and gave a reassuring smile. "We'll only stay for an hour or two, ok?"

I nodded, my stomach turning at the thought of having to meet a bunch of Kali's friends. She told me a little bit about some of the people that would be here so I wasn't going in completely blind and had told me the cover story she would give people about how we met, which made me feel a lot better because I'm a terrible liar when I'm under pressure. "Ok, I'm ready," I said, releasing Kali's hand as she knocked on the door.

A few moments later, a tall, darker skinned guy with a Santa hat and an extremely over decorated sweater opened the door. "KD has finally arrived!" He engulfed her in a big hug and smiled as he picked her up from the ground. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous, but I knew I shouldn't. They were just friends, right?

"I've missed you, Ash! We need to catch up!" she exclaimed, beaming up at him. She looked to the side and signaled towards me. "This is my friend, Lachlan. Lachlan, this is Ash."

I extended my hand towards him and he gave me a wide smile. "Sorry, man. I'm a hugger." He pulled me into a tight hug and I awkwardly hugged back. I looked at Kali to save me and she just stood there, shaking her head and laughing quietly. He released me from his death grip and looked at me. "We treat our friends like family. You'll get used to it. Come inside. There's drinks in the kitchen and snacks on the table. The food should be out in a minute, we're just waiting for the last person to get here and they should be here in a bit."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it, man," I said with a warm grin. I motioned for Kali to walk in before me and followed her in, placing my hand on the small of her back. We walked in and saw some people dancing in the living room while other people sat on the couch, just talking and catching up. I recognized two of the guests from pictures in Kali's apartment, each adorned with their own reindeer antlers and noses. "Are those your roommates?"

She nodded eagerly. "Do you want me to introduce you to them?" I nodded, knowing it was going to happen sooner or later. She guided me towards their spot on the couch and they both turned towards us, smiles on their faces.

"So this is Kali's new boo," the smaller girl said.

Kali rolled her eyes. "Lachlan, this is Analys and Carina. Guys, this is Lachlan. Be nice."

I gave them a smile and sat down next to the taller of the two girls, Carina. "It's nice to finally meet you. Kal's told me so much about you guys." I casually placed my hand on Kali's leg when I felt her sit next to me.

"Oh Kal has? Interesting, she wouldn't tell us anything about you," Carina said playfully, eying Kali.

"This is very true. Come on, Lachlan. Let's go get some drinks and we can talk and get to know each other," Analys said and pulled me up by my arm before giving me a chance to answer. I turned back to look at Kali shaking her head at me, mouthing 'sorry' _._

Analys placed four plastic cups in front of us on the kitchen counter. "What do you like to drink?"

"Umm, I actually try not to drink too much. I'm good with just some Sprite."

She rolled her eyes. "God you sound like Kali. Come on, just one drink to help you loosen up a little." She gave me a sly smile and I felt like I was left with no choice.

I really did try not to drink. Aside from my birthday and this past weekend, I had been sober for quite some time, but one drink here and there wouldn't be such a problem, would it? "I'll take whatever you're having, I guess."

She smiled. "Fantastic choice." She poured some honey whiskey and coke in the cups. "So, tell me about yourself. What brings you here?"

I felt my face start to get hot. I didn't want to tell her the whole truth, so I figured I could tell her the reason I want to stay now. "Well, I came here to start over in a way. Um, I'm a video editor right now but I really want to become a teacher. My connections to videos mainly live in the US so I decided to move and pursue school while I'm here. I actually met Kali walking around the university and she stopped to help me find my way around." I hoped I sounded believable enough.

She nodded, taking a sip from her drink to see how it tasted. "And what are you interested in studying?"

"I actually hope to go into education."

"Like how Kali want to go into education or like with kids?"

"No, definitely with kids. I feel like I could make a bigger impact if I get to them at a younger age, you know?"

She gave me a smile. "I agree. I'm actually a social worker with the elementary schools in the area."

"Really? That's amazing! How do you like it?"

"It's honestly some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. If you need an internship or volunteer opportunities when you start your classes, let me know. I could see what I can do."

My eyes widen in disbelief. "Really? Wow, that's really kind of you."

"Of course. Kali keeps good company and I trust her judgment. She doesn't surround herself with negativity so I don't see why you shouldn't be given a chance." I smiled. I had imagined this interaction to be a lot more awkward and I was pleasantly surprised. "With that being said, what are your intentions with her?" Her smile dropped and so did mine.

I looked at Kali, watching her laugh as she talked to Carina, Ash, and one of her other friends. She looked so happy and in her element. I loved the way her eyes twinkle when she smiled and the little dimples in her cheeks came out. She looked angelic."I really like her," I said, looking back at Analys.

"I can tell by the way you look at her."

"Yea, she knows how I feel for the most part, but I don't think she reciprocates it fully."

Analys sucked her teeth. "She does, she's just scared." I looked at her with confusion. I know she doesn't know that I am part of the support group, but she knows Kali is. I was worried what she may say to me. "She went through a really bad break up and I don't think she trusts herself to be close to a guy so the fact that she's bringing you around says a lot." I looked back at Kali, biting my lip at what her roommate was telling me. Kali had mentioned most of this before, but it was weird getting reaffirmation from someone else.

"I know she's scared of being hurt and hurting me, and I know it's messing with her. I just want her to know I'm willing to make it work in a way she's comfortable with."

"Good. I approve of you for now, but just know even the most minor fuck up will put you on my shit list. Now come, let's go bring them their drinks" I smiled and nodded. I grabbed two cups while she picked up the other two and we went and joined the group. I handed Kali her drink and she gave me a warm smile, scooting over on the couch to make room for me.

"Thanks!" I nodded in response as I took my seat. I placed my hand back on her knee and she placed her hand on top, sending a chill up my spine. Her minor display of affection meaning so much more now. "By the way, Lachlan, this is Brandon and Veronica. Brandon and Veronica, this is Lachlan."

I raised my cup to them. "It's nice to meet you guys."

"Same!" Veronica said. "I thought we were going to be the only couple here like usual."

"Oh, no. We're just friends," Kali said, shaking her head.

I looked at her, a weak smile on my face. "Yea. I've only known her for a few weeks, but this girl is awesome. Though, if I'm honest, I would love to hear some Kali stories."

Brandon laughed. "Oh, we have some Kali stories. Most of them are because of this girl right here," he said motioning to Analys.

"Man, fuck you. I just like to ensure that we're always having a good time, ok?" Analys defended.

We all started laughing until we heard the door open. The way I was positioned, I couldn't see who walked through, but from Kali's face, it didn't look good. Carina and Analys's faces fell while everyone else seemed so be celebrating.

Brandon stood up and walked towards the door and my eyes followed. "My man, I haven't seen you in so long. How have you been?"

"Great. First semester was torture but I made it, Bran. How have you been?" said this new guy. I felt Kali stiffen beside me. I tried to give her hand a squeeze, but she didn't react. I looked over at her roommates who both had mild faces of concern. I guess this wasn't good after all. I put my arm protectively around Kali, trying to let her know I was there for her even if I didn't know what was happening.

"Things have been insane. Come here, say what's up to everyone and I'll fill you in." Brandon lead the guy back to our little section and sat down next to Veronica.

The new guy stood there for a second, taken aback before settling next to Brandon on the couch. "Hey Cari, Ana," he said waving to Kali's roommates. "Kali," he said slowly. "It's been a while."

"Hi Reese,"' I heard Kali whisper next to me. Reese? Oh shit, Reese.

 **Kali**

Lachlan is catching on I'm sure. I know I've been acting super weird around him, but I just can't help it. I can't keep control of my emotions and it's becoming more and more confusing to deal with the more we spend time together. Why did I even mention that kiss yesterday if I didn't want him to do it? Why do I keep playing with his emotions when I don't even know how I feel about him?

I let out a sigh as I threw myself down on the couch. "You good, Kal?" Carina asked emerging from her room.

"Yea, I'm just slowly driving myself insane due to my crippling indecisiveness. The usual."

She laughed and shook her head, looking at how pitiful I must have looked. "I don't know why you're stressing yourself out. Just let yourself like the boy. It's simple."

I popped up from my position and looked at her. She had on black leggings with reindeer socks pulled over and a white scoop neck sweater on, hugging her curves. She adjusted her brown nose and antlers in the mirror, making sure it wasn't flattening her tight, black curls that flowed down her back. "How do you even know I was talking about him? I'm indecisive about a lot of things."

She turned her attention from the mirror to me, only to give me a condescending look. "I''m not stupid, girl. You've been acting weird all week and when you do finally come home after spending hours on end with that boy, you go through these weird ass moods swings. I don't know why you don't just make it easy on yourself and face the truth, dumb ass."

"It's not that simple, ok?"

"And why not?" Analys asked as she emerged from her room, adorned in a white, form fitting long sleeved dress and the same antlers and nose as her cousin.

"It's complicated." I said flatly, wishing the topic was never brought up to begin with.

"Bitch it's because you're making it complicated. Just let yourself move on. I'll interview him tonight and let you know if he passes and then you can just move on from there," she said with a sly smile.

"Don't bad things always happen after your infamous interviews? Like it never works out?" Carina asked with a chuckle.

"All the more reason it's complicated. Thanks for understanding," I said sarcastically as I got up from the couch.

"Whatever, are you riding with us there?" Analys asked as she slipped on her booties.

I shook my head, walking towards my room. "He's picking me up and then we're heading over. Forewarning, he'll be here when you guys get back since he's taking me to the airport." I paused before walking inside, hearing them giggling and whispering to each other. "Don't make it fucking weird!"

I heard them both laugh as the door closed behind them. I rolled my eyes at the thought of Lachlan meeting them, fearing they'd be too much for him to handle in one night, especially with liquor in their system. It's not that they're mean or anything, they are just extremely protective, and that intensifies when they drink, which I know they'll be doing tonight.

I sighed as I made sure all of my belongings were set up on my bed aside from my shoes, which were waiting for me by the door. Just as I was picking up his gift and placing it on my bed, I heard a knock at the door. I took a deep breath as I walked over, my nerves winding up in the pit of my stomach. I smiled as I opened the door for him and told him to come in. I took in the hunter green v-neck sweater that was hugging the muscles of his arms as well as the rest of his slim figure. I looked away, hoping my eyes hadn't lingered too long. "Early as usual. I'm almost ready, I just need to get the finishing touch to my outfit." I stopped and looked back at him, noticing the large, flat, rectangular present in his hands. "Wait, what's that?"

He gave me a toothy grin and gave the present to me. "I got you something."

I put on a frown, trying to fake disappointment. "We never talked about exchanging gifts." I looked away and let out a dramatic sigh. "I guess it's a good thing I got you something, too," I said looking back at him, not able to conceal my smile anymore.

"You didn't need to get me anything, you know," he said, smiling back at me brightly.

"Oh, I know. I wanted to though. We can open them together after the party. I would say wait until Christmas but I really wanna see your face and I don't know if either of us will have time to FaceTime during Christmas." I got up and walked towards my room, planning to lay it next to the gift I made for him.

"You look beautiful by the way," I heard him call from the living room.

I quietly chuckled to myself as I put the present down and sat the antlers on my head and placed the red nose on my face. "You haven't seen the best part!" I called back to him. I slipped on some black booties and and picked up my purse and phone from the bed. I walked out the door, waiting for Lachlan to notice me. He looked up from his watch and bursted out laughing. "Just call me Rudolph, Dollface," I said dramatically as I helped him up from the chair.

"Please call me Lachlan, Rudolph," he said back to me, still laughing as he pulled his phone from his pocket and aimed it towards me. I posed quickly, attempting to act like a reindeer, though I'm sure I failed. He laughed and grabbed me into him, the warmth of his body giving me goosebumps. He aimed his camera so that we could take a selfie. I responded by making a silly face as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. My face reddened instantly at the contact as I saw the flash go off. I looked at him, faux disgust in my eyes as he just gave the camera his irresistible smile. God, how I loved his smile.

"I think we should get going. I think it's best we leave before it gets too crazy since I kind of want to take a nap before the flight."

He nodded and extended his arm towards me. "After you, my lady." I giggled as we walked out the door and towards his car.

"You excited to meet the crazies I call my second family?"I asked as he pulled out of the parking lot, his navigation set to Ash's apartment.

He bit his lip and smiled. "I think I am. It gives me a better glimpse as to who you are, I think. You know, you are who you're friends with?"

I shrugged, thinking about the statement. I suppose it's true, each of my friends do have a little sliver of my personality, but we're also so vastly different that it makes me wonder how we became friends. "I like to think I'm the normal one out my group."

He made a face, resembling a wince. "Shit well if you're the normal one, then you're friends must be truly mad." I playfully shoved him as I chuckled. "Don't push the driver! Do you wanna get in an incident?" he asked dramatically.

I laughed louder. "Fuck you, man." He smiled at me, my nerves easing a little since he seemed so comfortable, then I remembered what Analys said about the interview. "Hey, so before I forgot, you're probably going to get a lot of questions, like how did we meet and what you do. I hope you don't mind but I kind of came up with a half truth cover story for you." He looked at me quickly and nodded, indicating that I should continue explaining. "So, I figured when people ask how we met, you can say you were headed to a campus tour at the university and I ran into you and helped you find your way. Since you were new to the area and didn't know anyone, I gave you my number to help you get acquainted and we just became friends after that. Sounds good?" He nodded, prompting me to continue. "And if they ask what you do, I was thinking you can just keep it simple and say you work as a private video editor and most of your clients live in the area so you moved here as an opportunity to be closer to your work as well as look for other clients."

"Ok, sounds good. I think I can remember that." He said, bobbing his head to the low music playing in the car. "Most of it is true enough, it's just, you know, missing some details. You know, just some minor things." He chuckled a little, and I could see it in his eyes that he was relieved that I had thought about this ahead of time.

"I'm really glad you were able to come with me, it means a lot actually." I reached over and placed my hand on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm really glad I am, too. Next time, you meet my friends, yea?" He looked at me quickly and I could see he actually meant it.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, genuinely wondering.

He shrugged, "I'm sure they'll love you," he said, trying to reassure me. I nodded slowly, negatives thoughts popping up in my head. "You know, we can tell them a half truth too if you'd like. They don't need to know you are aware of who they are. Besides, I'm sure they would assume you know them just because we spend so much time together and I record with them a lot. It won't be weird, I promise."

He was right. They wouldn't automatically think that I've known about them for years, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't think I was using him, and that was the thought that made me really uneasy. "How about this, if the invite is there, I'll go, but I won't worry about it until the time comes."

He smiled, his eyes staying focused on the road as he lifted my hand and placed a gentle kiss on it. "Sounds good. They really will love you though. They'd be stupid not to." He said the second half of his statement in an almost whisper, like I wasn't suppose to hear it, and that in itself made my face go slightly red.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the relaxing, Indie Rock music coming through the speakers of his car until we pulled into the parking lot of Ash's complex. Lachlan turned off his car and stared straight ahead for a moment. "You ok?" I asked, swiveling my head around to try to get into his line of vision.

He nodded slowly. "I just got a little nervous, that's all. I'll be fine. Let's go."

We got out of the car and I clasped onto his arm, both because it was cold and I felt he needed me there. We approached the door and I gave his hand a tight squeeze. "We'll only stay for an hour or two, ok?" I felt his anxious energy and I was doing my best to calm him down.

He pumped my hand a few times and I could feel his pulse slow down a bit. "Ok, I'm ready." I knocked and felt his hand fall from mine.

Ash opened the door, overly excited as usual and grabbed me, picking me up from my spot and swinging me around. "KD has finally arrived!" he screamed in my ear.

I laughed, realizing how much I had missed him "I've missed you, Ash! We need to catch up!" I saw Ash's eyes wander over to Lachlan, watching as he slowly looked him up and down. I smirked, already knowing what he was thinking. "This is my friend, Lachlan. Lachlan, this is Ash."

I watched as Lachlan extended his hand towards Ash, as a wide, flirty grin crossed Ash's face. "Sorry, man. I'm a hugger." I giggled silently as Ash pulled Lachlan into a hug. Lachlan looked at me for help and I just shook my head, indicating that he was on his own. "We treat our friends like family. You'll get used to it." He released him from the hug, Ash's eyes still lingering on Lachlan's features. "Come inside. There's drinks in the kitchen and snacks on the table. The food should be out in a minute, we're just waiting for the last person to get here and they should be here in a bit."

Lachlan smiled at Ash, not seeming as uncomfortable after the hospitable welcome. "Thanks, I really appreciate it, man." I led Lachlan in and watched as he took in the scene. I looked around, making sure _he_ wasn't here. _He_ was close to Ash, but maybe _he_ didn't make it to Orlando yet. "Are those your roommates?"

I looked over at them as they were caught in conversation. I nodded, hoping he couldn't sense how nervous I was for them to meet. "Do you want me to introduce you to them?" He nodded a little more confidently than I had expected. I let out a breath before leading him over, both girls looking at us with huge smirks as we approached the couch.

"So this is Kali's new boo," Analys said, mischief laced in her voice.

"Lachlan, this is Analys and Carina. Guys, this is Lachlan. Be nice," I warned, more to Analys than Carina.

He smiled nervously and sat next to Carina. I slid in the space next to him. "It's nice to finally meet you. Kal's told me so much about you guys." He gently placed a hand on my thigh, causing me to blush due to the mild act of affection in front of my friends.

"Oh Kal has?"" Carina asked, putting extra emphasis on the nickname as my face grew redder. "Interesting, she wouldn't tell us anything about you."

"This is very true," Analys piped in. "Come on, Lachlan. Let's go get some drinks and we can talk and get to know each other." Before he could respond, she pulled him up by the arm and dragged him into the kitchen. The only thing I could do was mouth a quick 'sorry', knowing Analys was going to make this talk happen one way or another.

"Don't worry," Carina said, laughing and watching Lachlan and her cousin interact in the kitchen. He was about a foot taller than me, making him about a foot and a half taller than Analys. It was comical watching as she basically ordered him to pick a drink and how he had just reluctantly accepted as he couldn't say no. "She said she would go easy on him. She doesn't wanna scare this one off."

I laughed, knowing Carina found these little interviews as ridiculous as I did. "What do you think so far?"

She shrugged. "We've exchanged like twenty words. I can't really form a real impression off that, but you've been trying to fight a smile since you've been here and I'm assuming that has to do with him. You guys are cute together." She gave me a genuine smile. She knew how much I valued her opinion, so she was always sure to be honest with me which I needed. "Plus, I don't know how you haven't died yet. His accent is low key everything, man."

We laughed in our seats, trying to not draw too much attention to ourselves. "Girl!" I heard Ash squeal as he sat between Carina and I, his friend Zee following behind him. "That dude you brought, are you guys a thing or no?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold back a smile since I knew where this was going. "Nah, we're just friends. Why do you ask?"

"Kali put me onto him," Ash asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Carina laughed hysterically, trying to conceal it with her hand but failing. "Bruh, I don't think he swings that way."

Ash sucked his teeth. "You never know until you try. Maybe that tall, glass of milk over there needs some chocolate in his mix." Ash eyed Lachlan in a way I'm certain would make him blush if he knew. We all laughed, loving how dramatic and carefree Ash was.

Zee sat on Ash's lap, leaning against him so she could get a better view into the kitchen. "Chill, Ash. He's obviously crazy into Kali, but if you guys really are just friends, feel free to slide him my number. I heard him talking in the kitchen and girl, I wouldn't mind going down under with him." She looked into the kitchen watching as Lachlan spoke to Analys, their faces a little more serious than before.

Something made my stomach turn. The thought of Zee and Lachlan together made me feel uncomfortable. She was tall and had a perfect figure. She had long, wavy, light brown hair, hazel eyes, and full lips. Zee was the kind of everyday pretty that would make the most confident person second guess themselves, and it never helped that since we've met, she always felt this need to compete with me.

Carina gave her a playful shove. "Stop being a cochina. Like you said, he's crazy into Kali, right?" She said it with a chuckle, but it was obvious Carina was telling Zee to drop it.

Zee raised her hands in defense. "I was just putting the offer out there in case Kali was trying to keep it friendly. I know when to shut the fuck up. Come on, Ash. I need another drink." The two got up from the couch and slid into the kitchen behind Lachlan and Analys.

Carina rolled her eyes as they walked away. "I really don't think I fuck with that girl."

I shrugged. "She's nice and funny most of the time. She can just be a little much."

Carina looked away, looking behind me. "A little too much for me. Bran and Vero are coming up so drop the subject." I nodded in understanding.

"KD and Cari!" I heard Brandon exclaim from behind me. I turned, greeting them with a warm smile. "We haven't seen you guys in ages."

Carina laughed as the couple sat next to me. "You know us two are viejitas. It's past our bedtimes as it is."

I nodded and giggled in agreement. It's a miracle if I'm up past eleven. I swear when I turned 21, I actually turned 60. I just can't hang like I used to, man.' Everyone laughed, remembering the party animal I had been when I was 19 and 20. They didn't know I used the alcohol and excitement to cope, but I preferred it that way.

"Yea, well we know who was responsible for that," Veronica said as she motioned to Analys who was walking back with Lachlan.

He gave me a smile as he handed me my drink. I returned the smile and gave him some space to return to his spot between Carina and I. "Thanks," I said. He nodded and returned his hand to my knee. I looked at it for a moment and decided to join it, lacing my fingers atop his, feeling a little more comfortable doing so. "By the way, Lachlan, this is Brandon and Veronica. Brandon and Veronica, this is Lachlan."

He looked over at the couple and smiled. "It's nice to meet you guys."

"Same!" Veronica said. "I thought we were going to be the only couple here like usual."

I shook my head a little, hoping Lachlan wouldn't feel uncomfortable at the inference she had made. "Oh, no. We're just friends."

He gave me a smile, making me feel like I had made the right choice in downplaying whatever we were. "Yea. I've only known her for a few weeks, but this girl is awesome. Though, if I'm honest, I would love to hear some Kali stories."

Brandon laughed, knowing he had been there first hand to experience most of my stories. "Oh, we have some Kali stories. Most of them are because of this girl right here," he said pointing at Analys.

Analys scuffed at the accusation. "Man, fuck you. I just like to ensure that we're always having a good time, ok?"

We all laughed at Analys's reaction until we all heard the door open. _He_ was here. I felt Carina place a hand on my back, supporting me in case I freaked out a bit. There seemed to be excitement around me, but I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything either as my vision started clouding over.

I was broken out of my trance when I finally heard him speak. "Great. First semester was torture but I made it, Bran. How have you been?" It felt weird, hearing his voice in person and not just as a little voice in my head. It almost sounded foreign hearing the sound come through my ears, something I was no longer used to.

I felt Lachlan put his arm around me and I stiffened in response, unsure of how to feel about his touch in that moment. My eyes watched _him_ as he walked closer to us, sitting beside Brandon. I felt _his_ eyes lock on me but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. "Hey Cari, Ana," he said, pausing for a second. "Kali," he said slowly, his voice dripping with too many emotions for me to process. "It's been a while."

My voice was stuck in my throat and it took everything in me force it out. What do I say to the person that helped build me up when I was at my worst? What do I say to the person whose heart I broke out of fear of what could happen? I said the only thing I could manage. "Hi Reese."


	11. Chapter Eleven: Ash's Room

**Lachlan**

Kali was uncomfortable for the rest of the evening. It wasn't obvious for everyone, but her roommates and I could tell, and I'm sure Reese could too. He distanced himself from her for the majority of the night, which was a relief to all of us, but I still kept getting this uncomfortable feeling. I kept feeling eyes on me and every time I would look around, our eyes would meet before one of us looked away.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom. Be back in a second," Kali said as she got up.

I nodded and got up as well. "Ok, want another drink?"

"Just Coke is fine."

I nodded and walked towards the kitchen with our cups. "Hey," a deep voice from behind me said, "can I talk to you real quick?"

I turned to see Reese standing behind me, trying to look as natural as possible. "Um, yea, sure. What's up?"

He stood beside me, filling up his own drink. "I know you're that Australian Youtuber."

I froze for a second, but continued like what he said hadn't phased me. "Ok," I said as calmly as possible.

"It's kind of hard not to know who you are. She only listened to you every fuckin night. I'm sure this hasn't happened to you, but it is really uncomfortable to try to sleep while listening to another guy calm down your girlfriend before she can sleep." He grabbed the whiskey from in front of me and poured himself a cup with no mixer. He took a swig of his drink and stared out at the people having a good time in front of us. I stayed quiet, really not knowing how to respond. "I'm still in love with her, but I know she's moved on. Of course, what bigger fuck you could it be than the single person that annoyed me most."

I looked at him uncomfortably, knowing that it was his liquor talking. "You know we're just friends, right?"

"Bull shit. She looks at you like," he paused, taking another drink from his cup, "like she used to look at me."

I looked at him, beating himself up. "She still feels guilty for hurting you. That's not what she wanted."

"I know, but it did happen and I can't risk going through that again. She's an amazing person and deserves the best, so you better treat her well or I will come after you." With that, he left and returned to his seat on the couch. I stood there awkwardly, thinking about what Kali's ex boyfriend had just said to me, and tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling. I returned to my spot just as Kali left the bathroom.

Analys got up and sat on the other side. "What was that all about?" she asked in a low whisper.

"He basically just told me to take care of Kali or he'd fuck me up. Causal stuff."

She laughed. "Well, that makes two of us then. Look at me and him playing on the same team. He is a good guy, he just had his heart broken."

"I get that. It's still just fuckin weird. Kali obviously isn't taking the reunion well either. Maybe I should just see if she wants to go?" She nodded, getting up and heading to the kitchen. I placed a hand on Kali's shoulder and she jumped. "Do you want to head out soon?" I whispered. She sighed and gave me a small nod, relief evident on her face. "Ok, let me just use the bathroom really quick."

"Oh, I think someone's in the bathroom. Hey Ash, do you mind if he uses the bathroom in your room?" Ash shook his head and motioned to the direction of his room. "Follow me," she said, extending her hand to help me off of the couch.

I stood and followed her towards a narrow hall. "Wait a second!" I heard someone yell from behind me. Both Kali and I turned around, confused.

Ash was laughing and just motioned above his head, indicating that we should look up. We both looked up and saw why everyone, minus Reese, was cheering and laughing behind us. Above us hung a mistletoe and Kali and I both reddened course this was something I wanted to do, but it was special to me and I wanted it to be special for Kali too. "You have to do it, house rules." He shrugged and smiled, waiting for one of us to react.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" I heard Kali's friends cheer from throughout the living room and kitchen. She looked at me, confliction in her eyes since she didn't know what to do. I ended up making the decision for her, knowing exactly what she wouldn't want me to do in this situation. I bent down and gave her a gentle kiss on the check. Her face was warm from embarrassment and it burned against my lips.

"Close enough," Brandon said from the living room as everyone looked away from us and continued back to their conversations, realizing how incredibly awkward.

Kali sped walked down the hall and to the left towards the master bedroom. She turned on the light and pointed me towards the direction of the bathroom. She looked at me and bit her lip. "It's right down there. Sorry about that, by the way. My friends are kind of a lot."

I smiled at her, closing the gap between us. "Don't be sorry, Kal. Your friends are lovely people and they care so much about you."

She smiled and started towards the door. I couldn't let this opportunity pass again. Third time's a charm, right? I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close to me. I kept my hands firmly on her waist and felt her wrap her arms around my neck. Her eyes shifted between my eyes and lips, and my eyes did the same. "What are you doing?" she asked in a breathy voice.

"Something I've wanted to do for ages," I whispered.

My lips met hers and I felt a tingle surge through my whole body. It was meant to be a gentle, little kiss, but once the contact was made, everything we both had been holding back was released. It was slow, but passionate , and the yearning we both had for it to continue was evident. I don't know how long we were kissing for, but it didn't seem like long enough before Kali pulled away. I looked into her eyes, her lids looking a little heavy from the lust that I could see taking over.

"Lachlan," she breathed my name. God it sounded so incredibly sexy.

"I wasn't going to let our first kiss be in front of a bunch of people, but I really couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I want you Kali. I want you so bad it hurts."

She bit her lip before tilting her head up and placing a kiss on my lips. "Hurry up and we'll head out."

We were laying on her bed, our lips interlocked in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. She changed her position so that she was straddling me with her knees placed on either side on my waist. She moved from my lips down to my neck, and I let out a soft moan. I could feel her smile against my skin before gently sucking and nibbling on the spot again. My fingers moved from intertwined in her hair to her waist. I started slowly grinding her against me and I could feel myself getting more and more excited as she kept kissing my neck.

She sat up and started pulling up my sweater and undershirt, and I gladly helped her. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel exposed. I always felt a little self-conscious when she would see my scars, but it didn't bother me right now. It felt right to be here with her, showing my past and my present and how it's been changing for the better.

I toyed with the hem of her dress, asking her for permission to take it off, but she lifted it over her head and threw it on the floor before I had the chance to. She really did look better than I had imagined. Her breasts looked so perfect and round in her black lace bra and her ass was soft but firm. She fiddled with the buckle of my belt, but I quickly undid it as she slid off my jeans.

We were just in our underwear now and we took a moment to just look over each other. I had been dreaming about this all week, and I'm starting to think it's been on her mind too. I grabbed her by the waist and flipped her so that she was now on her back and I was straddling her. I gently kissed her on her lips, her neck, and made my way slowly to her breasts. I looked into her eyes, asking for permission, and she bit her lip and nodded in response. I slid the straps of her bra down her shoulders, slowly exposing her bare breasts.

I felt the blood surge through my body as I kissed her softly, my hands making their way from her beautifully tanned breasts to the hem of her underwear. I felt her body stiffen slightly and I pulled away. "Is everything ok? Are we moving too fast?"

Kali looked at me, her face slightly flushed. "Everything's fine it's just, um, there's this thing I feel like I need to tell you about."

My chest tightened. She wasn't a virgin, was she? I had nothing against that, it's just I wouldn't want things to go any further tonight if that were the case. This wasn't a special enough moment for someone so amazing to lose her virginity. I stuttered a little before I could get my question out. "Kal, are you a virgin?"

She looked at me like I was crazy. "What the fuck? No. Wait, are you? If you are we shouldn't-"

"No I'm not, Kal," I said laughing. "I told you I was good in bed, didn't I?"

"Oh fuck off." She laughed nervously next to me. "It's just, ok, I've only had sex with my past two boyfriends, so basically I don't have sex with just anyone. Not that you're just some random, but it's just this extra pressure I put on myself and I just felt like I should tell you."

"We will only go as far as you want to." I cupped her cheek gently. "I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not ready to do and please know I am willing to wait as long as you need to."

She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said with a slight blush.

I pulled her onto my lap, kissing her gently on the lips. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about, beautiful."

She smiled and looked down at my neck. "Shit, I have to be sorry about that hickey I left on your neck." She bit her lip nervously.

I smiled and gave her another kiss. "I truly don't give a fuck. People should be jealous when they see it. Look at the babe that gave it to me."

She rolled her eyes and slid off my lap. "You're so fucking attractive but God you're so fucking annoying." She got up from her bed, adjusting her bra, and handing me a massive rectangular mass. "It's your Christmas gift."

"Oh shit, where's mine?" I looked around and found at leaning against her bed. I picked it up and handed it to her. "You open it first."

"No you open it first," she said with a childish frown.

I smiled at her. "You're so fuckin adorable," placing a playful kiss on her lips. She smiled into the kiss. "We open it at the same time?"

She pulled away and nodded. "Are you just going to keep kissing me all the time now?"

"Oh absolutely. Do you know how long I've been wanting to do that?"

"Oh, please. You've only known me for two and a half weeks."

"Yes and I've wanted to kiss you for two and a half weeks," I said in a serious tone. I gave her a quick peck and gave her a cheeky smile.

"I hate you," she said, shaking her head. " Ok, we open on three?" I nodded. "One, two, three." We both ripped the paper off our gifts quickly and our mouths dropped.

She had recreated the zipper painting with the black and white pencils that we had seen in Downtown Disney, but instead the painting was an image of me and my family when I was younger. We had rented a little cottage by the lake, and the picture was of me, my brother, and sisters running around by the water with my parents smiling at the camera, the sun shining in the back. It was one of the last times I remembered being truly happy around them. Beneath the painting, there was a quote written in a calligraphy looking font that read " _Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. -_ Kurt Vonnegut". I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I had never received such a beautiful or thoughtful gift in my entire life. "Kali, this is amazing. I love it."

I looked up to see her staring at her gift in awe. She was blushing as she looked over the gift. "How did you even do this?"

I smiled as she beamed at her gift. It made my heart skip a beat seeing how much she enjoyed it. "I pay attention. Also, I'm really good at taking pictures when you're not paying attention. Evidently, you are too," I said, lifting my gift towards her.

She shrugged a little. "You don't talk about them much, but it's the picture that's closest to your bed. I figured it was an important picture to you, so I thought it would be nice to recreate it for you." I felt the tears sting at my eyes, threatening to come out. She gently put her hand on my cheek and my eyes met hers. "I'm here for you if you need me, you know that, right?"

"Of course," I said nodding. "I'll talk to you about it when I'm ready, ok?"

She nodded and gave me a supportive smile and looked back at her gift. "This truly is beautiful, Power. I don't know how you even thought about doing this."

"Well, I just want to make sure you always remember how beautiful I find you and how absolutely beautiful you truly are. You deserve the daily reminder."

She blushed, biting her lip and placing her gift and mine gently next to us on the bed. She kissed me, at first it gently and it slowly became more passionate and urgent. The kiss continued to heat up, both of us obviously feeling emotions from our gifts in very different ways. In this moment, I was trying to fill that hole in my heart that I felt when it came to my family, but I didn't quite know what Kali was feeling just yet. Her hands went into my hair and mine went to her butt. I could feel her moan into the kiss as a gave it a squeeze, causing me to moan a little in return as I felt her bite my lip.

"You are the worst kind of person. Like seriously," she said as she pulled away.

I cocked my eyebrow in confusion. "What did I do now?"

"I was this close to convincing myself that I didn't have like real, legitimate feelings for you," she said, her fingers less than a centimeter away from each other. "Then you had to go and fuck it up by kissing me. Like how do you expect me to recover from that? Like you are a really good kisser and this just complicated everything."

I smiled at her as she played with her hair in frustration. "Good. My plan worked then. I really do like you, Kali. I like you a lot and I just want you to accept your feelings for me too. Just let it happen."

She fell into my arms, her eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't want to like you. You're so annoying."

"That reminds me actually." I lifted her slightly and reached for her gift, pulling off the envelope taped to the back. "This is for you, too. You just can't read it until I drop you off at the airport, got it?"

She looked at me with a smirk. "Got it." She got up, bending over and sliding it into her carry on bag. I tried not to stare at her, but it was just such a nice view. "I'm gonna go shower, don't miss me too much." I watched her as she grabbed a sports bra and underwear from her closet and walked out the door.

I grabbed my phone and looked through my social media notifications. I responded to some fans that tweeted me and favorited a few different fan arts that were sent. One caught my attention, specifically. It was a lifelike drawing of Kali and I during the _Remembering Sunday_ cover video and it was really good. I retweeted the picture and saved it in my phone, making a mental note to show it to Kali when she got out of the bathroom.

Just then, I heard a ding and I realized she had left her phone in her room. I ignored it until I heard it ding again. I cursed myself, letting my curiosity get the best of me. I got up and looked at her phone. I gulped as I read the messages from her lockscreen.

 **REESE** _ **:**_ _It was nice seeing you tonight. You looked as beautiful as ever. I've missed you so much babe_

 **REESE** _: I know you're going to New York tomorrow, but I really hope we can meet up when you get back. We can go to our old favorite place? My treat ;)_

My stomach turned as he called her babe. I was starting to make her ok with her feelings for me and I didn't want him interfering with it. I sighed, realizing they had more history than we ever could. I got up and grabbed my jeans, sliding them back on but not buttoning them just yet. I laid down on her bed, resting my eyes until she came back.

I woke up feeling her cuddled into my side as she messed around on her phone. Of course, all I could think about was her texting Reese which got under my skin. He gave me his blessing, so why was he texting to meet up with her?

"Looks like Sleeping Beauty is finally up."

"How long was I asleep for," I asked.

"About an hour. And have I told you lately how sexy your wake up voice is?"

I chuckled at her, remembering how she had accidently let it slipped during our ice cream date. "You haven't but thank you for the reminder. I guess we just need to sleep together more often. Wait, not like that, I meant literally sleeping."

She laughed and placed her phone down beside her. "I actually think I'm going to miss you, man."

I pulled her closer with one arm and grabbed her hand. "I'm just a FaceTime call away, Kal." I placed a kiss on her forehead and she snuggled in closer.

"We should be heading out soon. My flight leaves at 4 AM and I have to be there 2 hours early." She placed her head on my chest, making no movements to leave.

I looked down at her and smiled. "You don't seem to be making any effort to get up."

She looked at me and gave me a mischievous look. Her fingers unlatched from my hand and gentle traced from my chest down to the waistband of my boxers, sending chills throughout my body. "I said soon, not now. We still have some time to kill."

I grabbed her and positioned her so that she was laying on top of me. "And what did you have in mind, Diaz?" She giggled and crashed her mouth against mine. Who was I to tell her no on Christmas?

 **Kali**

Lachlan rubbed my back slowly, trying to comfort me. He knew more about my break up than the people in the room, aside from Reese himself and my roommates. We shared the same group of friend, so we decided to keep the details and the break up to ourselves for a while, deciding that we would give it a month or so until we were both in better places and would tell people it was mutual. We didn't want people feeling like they had to choose sides,especially with Reese leaving for grad schools only a few months after our separation.

I felt Reese's eyes watch over me, bouncing between Lachlan and I. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?" he asked in a calm tone. It didn't seem to be laced with jealousy or malice, but I also knew Reese had learned to put up a positive front for the people around him from a young age.

I wasn't sure if he'd recognize his face, but I knew he would recognize his name and voice. I felt my mouth go dry, but I nodded in agreement, remembering how he would always joke about how bad I am at introductions. "Um, Aneuris, this is, um," I felt my throat tighten, nervous to say his name to him.

Lachlan extended his hand out to him, seeing my anxiety getting the best of me. "Hey, "I'm Lachlan. It's nice to meet you, um, can I get your name one more time?"

Reese shook his hand in response. "Just call me Reese. I hate hearing people butcher my name." He chuckled a little, alleviating the tension around me a little. He was always so good at that, making the scene more comfortable for everyone. It was one of the reasons we used to click so well. "I'm gonna grab a drink. Anybody need anything?" Everyone shook their heads and carried on with conversation.

"You ok, Kal?" I heard Lachlan whisper in my ear. I nodded slightly, resting my head against his shoulder. I zoned out as everyone spoke around me, unable to control the dark depths of my thoughts.

I fidgeted with the food on my plate, not feeling very hungry. I didn't think I still had feelings for Reese, but seeing him today made all of the feelings crash back. It didn't help that I kept making eye contact with his warm, brown eyes or that his tight, black curls were pulled back into the ponytail we'd both always talked about him doing. I couldn't help but remember the way he held me in his strong, brown arms or how his soft kisses used to feel against my lips. I didn't want to think these thoughts, but I was and it was killing me, especially because I had such a kind and loving person sitting beside me, trying to soothe me through my silent break down while everyone around was oblivious to it.

I needed a few minutes to myself. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom. Be back in a second." I got up quickly only to realize Lachlan was rising too.

"Ok, want another drink?" His blue eyes were dark with concern. I was worrying him. God, I hated when people would worry about me.

"Just Coke is fine," I said quickly before walking into the guest bathroom. I locked the door and slid down the wall, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I hated feeling so confused about everything. I was just beginning to come to terms with my feelings for Lachlan and the return of Reese really fucked everything up.

Maybe I'm not ready to move on yet. Maybe I never fell out of love with Reese. Maybe I'm using Reese as a distraction so I don't admit to myself just how much I like Lachlan. Maybe I was psyching myself out because I was scared to be happy with someone. All of these scenarios danced around in my head. I couldn't figure out what was real and what wasn't. I just needed a sign, something, anything, to help me figure out what I wanted.

I sighed and got up from the floor. I looked in the mirror to see a pale, stressed version of myself with an obnoxious red nose and childish antlers. What did either man ever see in me?

I left the bathroom, more confused than I had entered and plopped down next to Lachlan. I couldn't help but daze out again, unwilling and unable to focus on everything around me.

I was only jolted back to reality when I felt a big hand land on my shoulder. "Do you want to head out soon?" Lachlan whispered to me. I instantly felt some pressure lift off of my chest as I nodded. He gave me a smile, making me smile a little in response. "Ok, let me just use the bathroom really quick."

I looked around and saw that the door was closed. "Oh, I think someone's in the bathroom. Hey Ash, do you mind if he uses the bathroom in your room?" He shook his head and pointed down the hall. "Follow me," I said as I helped Lachlan from the couch.

We didn't make it very far before I heard Veronica scream behind us. "Wait a second!" We both turned around, my face showing I was clearly annoyed. Ash was laughing hysterically and told us to look up. It was a mistletoe. A fucking mistletoe. My face got hot from anger and embarrassment. When I had asked for a sign, this was definitely not what I was asking for.

Ash couldn't conceal the the smile on his face. "You have to do it, house rules."

Everyone began shouting for us to kiss. My eyes wondered around the room, looking for a certain someone's face. His eyes were dark and he had a slight frown as he took a swig of his drink and looked away. This didn't feel right. None of this felt right. I looked at Lachlan, not knowing where to really go from here. I saw him searching my face for an inkling of what he should do and before I knew it, he was bending down and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I blushed, harder than expected, from the contact. I heard someone say something behind us, but rushed off down the hall before any other comments could be made.

I walked into the Ash's room, turning on the light and pointing Lachlan towards the bathroom door. I bit my lip nervously, knowing he probably felt insanely uncomfortable about the situation. "It's right down there. Sorry about that, by the way. My friends are kind of a lot."

He smiled at me and moved closer to me. "Don't be sorry, Kal. Your friends are lovely people and they care so much about you."

I returned his smile and walked toward the door until I felt hands wrap around my waist and pull me in. I looked up between his ice blue eyes and soft, pink lips as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "What are you doing?"

"Something I've wanted to do for ages." With that, I felt his lips gently press against mine. Once the realization of what was happening hit me, I made the kiss harder, rougher. I was looking for the answers to the questions that were running through my mind. My feelings for Reese were figments of my imagination, something brought up to cause turmoil in the amazing moments I've been having these past few weeks with this beautiful human being I was fortunate enough to kiss.

I eventually pulled away, needing to collect my thoughts as my mind began to wonder how much further this could go tonight. "Lachlan," I whispered, realizing how out of breath I was.

He bit his lip and looked down into my eyes. "I wasn't going to let our first kiss be in front of a bunch of people, but I really couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I want you, Kali. I want you so bad it hurts."

This was the sign I needed. This is the sign I wanted. I gave him one last peck before we let go of each other. "Hurry up and we'll head out." He smiled and nodded, walking towards the bathroom as I went back outside, a smile plastered on my face.

I looked over at my roommates as I grabbed my purse, smirks on both of their faces. "Heading out?" Carina asked? I nodded slowly, exaggerating my movements so that they caught on that something had happened. Carina shook her head. "We'll be sure to be quiet when we get home," she said with a wink.

I laughed and turned around, only to be met with Reese. "Oh, hey." He looked down and saw that I head gathered my things. "You heading out already?"

My voice felt trapped for a second, but I was pushed through it. "Yea, I'm flying out to New York really early tomorrow."

His face fell a little. "Oh, I wanted to see if we could maybe catch up before I had to head back to Gainesville. I really do want to be friends again, Kali. I don't want what happened to ruin what we once had."

I looked towards Ash's room, wishing Lachlan would walk out right now. "Um, I mean I come back the thirtieth. Maybe we can do something then."

He smiled at me, the way he used to smile at me right before kissing me. It didn't feel right seeing him do that anymore, especially after the kiss I just had moments ago. "Sounds great. I'll text you, ok?"

I turned to see Lachlan come down the the hall and I started towards the door, quickly nodding at Reese before making my exit.

Our clothes were tossed on the floor and we rolled around, kissing passionately in nothing but our underwear. I hadn't been like this with anyone since Reese and I was starting to get nervous. I could tell Lachlan was ready to go further, he wanted to go further, and I think I did too. He kept kissing my neck, making my body tingle all over, but I didn't want him to stop. It all felt so new and amazing and my mind raced to all the wonderful possibilities this could lead to.

The thing was I couldn't stop thinking about what going further would mean in this situation. I had only been with Reese and my boyfriend before that and honestly sex was something I liked to keep close to me. I was confusing myself again. I didn't want him to feel like I was teasing him and not do it but I didn't want to compromise my morals for some guy that, yes, I liked, but still didn't fully know. I was still unsure if I could trust him with my body in such an intimate and delicate way that I had allowed a very select few to experience. I had to decide, and fast as I felt Lachlan kiss slowly from my neck to my breasts. The feeling was overwhelming and as he looked at me to get the ok to go further, I hastily nodded, needing to feel him as he continued to explore my body.

My body felt ways it hadn't felt in a while, and God I liked it. I loved the way his hands felt on my as they ran from my arm to my chest. I didn't want him to stop, that is until his hands wandered a little further down and I suddenly didn't want him touching me like that anymore.

He instantly noticed the change in my body language, pulling away and bringing his hand gently to my face. I could see he was concerned and embarrassed, and I hate the way he looked at me. "Is everything ok? Are we moving too fast?"

I felt my stomach drop. I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to tell him everything. I didn't want to tell him about how confused I've been feeling about my emotions or how extremely nervous I was about having sex with someone I've imagined having sex with a whole lot recently. I couldn't put into words how excited I was to be intimate with someone I care so much about while at the same time being disgusted with myself for being with a near stranger. "Everything's fine it's just, um, there's this thing I feel like I need to tell you about."

His eyes danced around a little, a thousand possibilities of what I could potentially be telling probably pushing him away from me in one way or another. "Kal, are you a virgin?"

I looked at him for asking such an absurd question. "What the fuck? No." I was almost certain I told him I had lost my virginity, but I guess I could be wrong. Then a weird thought came into my mind. Was he only asking because he was? " Wait, are you? If you are we shouldn't-"

He cut me off with a loud laugh. "No I'm not, Kal. I told you I was good in bed, didn't I?"

I laughed a little, feeling a little more at ease since he was laughing beside me. "Oh fuck off. It's just, ok, I've only had sex with my past two boyfriends, so basically I don't have sex with just anyone. Not saying that you're just some random guy, but it's just this extra pressure I put on myself and I just felt like I should tell you." I felt like some weight had been lifted off of me after admitting that to him. I was really hoping he understood, but at the end of the day at least I would be ok with myself and the decision.

He gently rubbed his finger against my cheek, a thin smile on his lips. "We will only go as far as you want to. I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not ready to do and please know I am willing to wait as long as you need to."

I laid my head on his shoulder, so extremely grateful for how understanding he was being. "I'm sorry."

He lifted me and put me on his lap, kissing me softly. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about beautiful."

I smiled and looked away from his eyes, my eyes noticing what looked like the start of a bruise. "Shit, I have to be sorry about that hickey I left on you neck."

He chuckled and gave me another kiss. "I truly don't give a fuck. People should be jealous when they see it. Look at the babe that gave it to me," he said with a playful wink.

I got up from my spot, rolling my eyes at his cheesy attempt at being charming. "You're so fucking attractive but God you're so fucking annoying." I picked the gift I made him and passed it to him. "It's your Christmas gift."

His eyes widened as he was hit with realization. "Oh shit, where's mine?" He looked around and found it on the floor, a result of the intense make out session. "You open it first."

I pouted at him. "No you open it first."

He had such a genuine smile on his face. "You're so fuckin adorable," he said with another kiss. "We open it at the same time?"

I nodded at him, pulling away out of necessity and not want. "Are you just going to keep kissing me all the time now?"

"Oh absolutely. Do you know how long I've been wanting to do that?"

"Oh, please. You've only known me for two and a half weeks."

"Yes and I've wanted to kiss you for two and a half weeks," he said, giving me another quick kiss.

I shook my head at how ridiculous he was. "I hate you. Ok, we open on three?" He nodded in agreement. "One, two, three." We both ripped the paper off our gifts quickly and our mouths dropped.

I looked at the simple black frame in front of me, a thick white border surrounding a black and white photo of me on our first date. I don't remember him taking any pictures of me aside from the one's we took together, and I was impressed but how slyly and beautifully it was done. The photo was of my back and profile while I was leaning on the railing in the hot air balloon and looking out towards the water. I remember doing this as I was admiring the skyline and watching how the building and stores looked from above. What I hadn't noticed was the the full moon directly to my right. The way I was positioned, it kind of looked like I was looking towards it, like we had some sort of unknown connection, even though that obviously wasn't my intention. It was such a beautiful shot, and was only complimented when I looked towards the bottom of the frame. In the empty white space at the bottom, there was the familiar poem I kept as my phone's lock screen: " _My darling, you can't see it, can you? How like the moon you are. Both of you so timid in yourselves; hiding pieces from the world. Then, there are those rare moments when you both are full, and it becomes hard to look away. You are beautiful._ -Alexandria Drzewiecki".

"Kali," I heard him saying, bringing me back to the moment. "This is amazing. I love it."

I was glad to hear his reaction, but I was still in disbelief that he had captured such a small moment and created something so beautiful out of it. "How did you even do this?"

I finally looked up, noticing the tears in his eyes but the smile on his face. It was one of those raw emotions people rarely show, and he was showing it to me. "I pay attention. Also, I'm really good at taking pictures when you're not paying attention. Evidently, you are too."

I knew he wasn't expect what I had made for him. He hasn't mentioned much about his parents, and anytime I would ask, he would avoid the conversation. I know there's more to why he moved all the way over here, and I'm certain his family had something to do with it, but he just hadn't told me what it was yet and it didn't feel right to push it. "You don't talk about them much, but it's the picture that's closest to your bed, I figured it was an important picture to you, so I thought it would be nice to recreate it for you." I saw his eyes water a little more and he shook a little, possibly focused on not crying. I put my hand to his cheek, urging him to look at me. "I'm here for you if you need me, you know that, right?"

He nodded. 'Of course, I'll talk to you about it when I'm ready, ok?"

I nodded and smiled at him, showing him how thankful I was for this moment, the past two and a half weeks we had spent together, and the wonderful piece he had created for me. "This truly is beautiful, Power. I don't know how you even thought about doing this."

"Well, I just want to make sure you always remember how beautiful I find you and how absolutely beautiful you truly are. You deserve the daily reminder."

As the words left his mouth, my heart began to hurt. Reese used to tell me the same thing and I never could truly believe him. Now I have another caring and loving person telling me the same thing and I still don't think I can ever truly believe those words. I placed our gifts on the bed and smashed my lips against his. I was searching for something. I was searching for the truth of how I should feel in this moment. I'm not beautiful, but I feel more beautiful when I'm with him. I'm don't feel beautiful, but I feel happier when I'm in his presence. I don't think I'm beautiful, but I think I can change that with time, and maybe he can support me through that journey.

Lachlan had dropped me off about an hour ago, our goodbye lasting longer than I'd like to admit. We promised to FaceTime and text as much as possible since we wanted to really figure out what was going on between us. I knew it was only going to be a little less than a week, and I knew I would miss him, but I felt like this week apart would really give me some time to sort through my feelings for him. I also had to keep reminding myself that things really couldn't go very far, knowing we still had to deal with the unwritten rules of our group.

I laid my head back on my chair, knowing my flight wasn't for another hour or so. I reached in my bag to grab a book to read when I felt something poke me. I pulled it out and realized it was the envelope he had given me. He had told me to read it after he dropped me off, so I made sure to carefully open it. Instead of seeing a card like I anticipated, there was lined paper in there instead with his distinctive handwriting covering it. I unfolded it and read, seeing that it was written the day after our first date.

 _December 11th, 2016_

 _Kali, if you're reading this, that means we were able to get past the situation that happened tonight. I don't know when I'll be giving this to you or if I'll ever be giving this to you, but I really hope I will. We've known each other for a few days and I know there is still so much I don't know about you, but I can feel that you're going to be part of my life for a while. Whether we remain just friends or evolve into something more, I genuinely don't want to lose the relationship we've started to develop._

 _I wasn't lying when I said I liked you, and I hope you weren't either. You are such a great person and in the short time I've known you, you have already motivated me to be better. You push me to explore options and dreams that I would never be confident enough to look at on my own. You push me to want to learn new things for reasons I would never consider and that's beautiful to me, Kali. You're beautiful to me._

 _I know I upset you with the way I reacted, and you know you upset me when you withheld that piece of information, but I can see now that it was done with good intention. I know myself, and truthfully, I would have immediately removed myself from that group had you mentioned something the first night we spoke. I'm honestly glad you waited, because I was able to learn more about you and about myself. I was able to give us a chance and I'm so glad I did, (though, looking back maybe I should have held off on the tattoo until maybe like our third date?)_

 _I hope I grow the balls to reach out to you, because it is taking everything in me not to just call you right now and apologize for everything, but I know we both need time to really think things through, otherwise we're just adding on more unresolved issues and trust problems to the mountain of issues I have. (I didn't want to say yours because truthfully I know very little about what you have dealt with, though I hope one day you will be comfortable enough telling me.) I really do see you as someone aiding me, being a proper mentor and friend throughout my time here, no matter how short or long that may be. I want you to be part of my journey to be the Lachlan I want to be._

 _If you're reading this, please know how much you already mean to me. These past four nights we've known each other have been a roller coaster, but I don't regret any of it. Getting low key peer pressured into getting the tattoo I didn't know I needed, making the most delicious cookies I have ever tasted, meeting someone who has the same strange love and feelings towards winter, learning signed language, deciding to go to school, dancing bachata, going on a hot air balloon at the happiest place on earth, and the best part was I got to experience it all with you. If you never get to see this, all I hope is that you know how much those moments have all meant to me, and I really will cherish them for the rest of my life. I don't think I will ever meet someone quite like you again, Kali, and I really hope I don't fuck things up bad enough to the point where I'll want to._

 _Hopefully yours,_

 _Lachlan_

 _December 21st,_

 _Kali, looks like I'm able to give you this letter I wrote to you ten days ago. Wow, ten days. It's crazy to think that there was even a point in time in our friendship that we weren't talking at all. That was one of the longest days of my life, and I know I sound dramatic, but I really was frightened that we had lost each other. It's crazy how I didn't realize how much I had needed you during that time when literally the next day, you were the face I was glad to see after my panic attack._

 _We've been spending a lot of time together since then, and I can honestly say you have made this move much easier than I thought it would be. It's because of you that I don't feel homesick or lonely, because I've realized this could be my new home, and if I could find more people like you to surround myself with, I have a real shot at creating a second family of people that care deeply about me, which is honestly insane to me. How do you do that? You make me feel so certain about things, and it blows my mind. How do you make me feel so aware and secure in minutes? I need to know what you do to me._

 _You honestly mean more to me than you know. I've been able to talk to you about things I would never talk to other people about, either because I don't feel comfortable or they just wouldn't understand. You've unknowingly helped me stop cutting, something I've struggled with for years now and never felt strong enough to stop doing on my own. That in itself is something I will be eternally grateful for._

 _You're at the airport right now and I'm sure I miss you already. I'm sure I've texted you a few times to ask if you're ok since it's really early and airports can be creepy, especially when you're there alone. I'm sure I've reassured you that I'll be ok without you and you won't need to worry about me and I'm sure you've done the same. I'm sure I've told you to let me know as soon as you get on the plane because I told you I wouldn't sleep until you've left safely, even though I'm probably struggling to stay awake. What I'm most sure of, though, is that I already can't wait to have you in my arms. I can't wait to binge watch_ The Fosters _and_ Switched at Birth _and_ How I Met Your Mother _and_ Naruto _and_ Archer _and all the other random shows you're obsessed with. I can't wait to have you accidently fall asleep and cuddle up next to you because we both know you can't hang, even though you won't ever admit it._

 _Have a great trip, Kal. I'll see you on the 30th at the airport. Don't forget about me while you're up there!_

 _-Lachlan_

 _PS. - I'll make sure to send you a video or two when I wake up since I know how much you like morning my voice ;)_

I smiled at the letters he had written, reading everything he had said in his voice. He truly was a strange one, but I missed him already.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Welcome

**Lachlan**

It had been an extremely long week. I had been recording videos since Monday, prepping for New Year's Eve and the days to follow. I still had a lot to do and I honestly didn't have much time to get it all done. I had planned on going to Mitch's tonight after picking up Kali from the airport. He had invited her to come for his party, and after about an hour of pleading via FaceTime and some help from her sister, Eirene, she had finally given in.

We had been FaceTiming quite a bit this week. We would speak before going to bed, but she also took me on her adventures through the city. I had never visited New York, so I enjoyed the intimate tour she had given me through her camera.

Though the view was beautiful and I did want to experience it in person, I have to say my favorite moments during our conversations were when she was with her sister. I loved Kali's personality, but you could see how her little quirks would intensify when she was with Eirene. Eirene was a near perfect clone of Kali, just a bit darker in complexion and smaller in frame, but it was the differences between the two that drew me into their relationship. Kali was a bit more reserved compared to her sister, and Eirene gave off the vibe that she enjoyed being the center of attention, but not necessarily in a bad way.

I smiled, thinking about when Kali called me at midnight on Christmas. I could tell she had taken some time to seclude herself and make sure the moment was just ours. The one thing that made that moment more memorable, however, was watching her sister creep into the room without Kali hearing her and jumping on top of her. The two laughed hysterically and I watched in silence, smiling at the adorable scene.

"You must be Lachlan," Eirene said, grabbing the phone from Kali with a warm smile spread across her face.

I nodded proudly, knowing that Kali must have been talking about me to her. "You must be Eirene."

She blushed a little as I said her name and nodded in response. "So you're the guy that has my sister all sappy and in this obnoxious, lovey dovey mood."

"Rene, shut the hell up!" I heard Kali whisper-shout. She grabbed the phone from her sister and shoved her off the bed.

"Ouch! I'll remember that when you bitch about wanting to cuddle later!"

I chuckled as I watched the two argue like children on my screen. It had continued for about five minutes before Kali grabbed her phone and realized I was still there. This happened sporadically throughout the week. We had had Eirene join into our conversations often and I had to say, I enjoyed getting to know her more and more. Yes, I had met Kali's friends and it gave me insight on a different part of Kali, but interacting with her sister exposed me to a piece of Kali that I couldn't help falling even deeper for. She exuded this air of confidence and certainty around her sister, taking pride in her role as a good big sister, but she also became extremely competitive and childish. It made it hard to look away when they were together.

I shook my head, dashing away the thoughts of Kali as I tried to focus on the video I was editing while I ate some leftover chinese food from the night before. I sat for about an hour until I had finally finished one and sat back, quickly watching it back. I had enjoyed it honestly, a sensation I was feeling more and more over the last few weeks.

I had remembered how down I felt when I was back home. I would record and feel like absolute shit the whole time. I would edit my videos and constantly critique myself, telling myself how terrible I looked and sounded. The sound of my voice would ring in my ears, slowly making me feel crazier and crazier. It was getting to the point where I would do minimal editing just because I couldn't bear the sight or sound of myself. How didn't I notice people could see how broken I was? I'm certain they could, seeing as how all my comments pointed out this positive energy I was now radiating.

I had changed a lot in these past few weeks. I don't think about cutting anymore, which is monumental for me. Anytime my mind started wandering in that direction, I think of the fun times I had as a kid with my family; I think of the vacations and adventures I had with my friends back home and the Pack; I think of _her_. These things were my happy place. I'm finding my happiness.

"Alrighty guys, what's going on? It is Lachlan here and today, we have a little bit of a prank going on. So, you guys have seen my friend, Kali, right? Well, I'm picking her up from the airport in about an hour and I've been thinking, I've been pranked too many times at the airport and I think it's about time I passed the torch to someone else. So basically, I've got her sister involved and I told her that I couldn't pick her up from the airport because my car's in the shop until later and her sister had told her that one of her friends is gonna pick them up. What she doesn't know is that I currently have a rental car and I'm basically gonna do what Rob did to me by hiding in the trunk. I'm gonna be meeting with one of her sister's friends in a bit, so we'll see how this goes!"

I turned off the camera and sat back in my chair. My phone buzzed as I got a DM from Eirene. She was telling me that the plane would be landing in half an hour so I should be getting ready to head out soon. She had sent me her girlfriend's address and let me know that she would be expecting me soon. I smiled at my screen and got up from my office chair.

I walked into my bathroom and gave myself a quick once over. My hair was flat, kind of like I just woke up, but I knew that's how Kali liked it. I rubbed the scars that I could feel slowly fading away and traced over the black lettering on my arm, smiling to myself. I'm happy today. I'm really happy.

I quickly chucked on the black Sidemen hoodie Vikk gave me during my trip to London and quickly walked out of my apartment, ready to see the girl I've been patiently waiting for.

The trip to the airport with Alex, Eirene's girlfriend, was a lot less awkward than I thought it would be. You could tell she was a tomboy, hiding her long, dark hair under a Red Sox's fitted cap and wearing some joggers and a baggy sweater. We talked about sports on the way to the airport, mainly about basketball and track, since we both played the former recreationally and did track in high school. She seemed a lot calmer than Eirene, and you could tell they balanced each other really well, their major differences being complimented by a few similar interests like their taste in music and television. It also made me feel better seeing how anxious she was to see Eirene, making me feel a lot better for being so giddy to see Kali.

"So, Eirene explained the plan to you, yea?" I asked, once we reached a comfortable pause in our conversation.

"Yea, she did, but you're high key tall as hell. Are you going to fit back there?" she asked, a small smirk forming on her face, possibly from the thought of me forming into a pretzel for this prank.

"I think I'll manage. I don't plan on going in there until about 10 minutes after they get off the plane. They only took carry ons so it should be quick. Do you mind recording the outside perspective?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. I always have a camera on me so Kali shouldn't suspect anything."

"Perfect," I said, smiling to myself. As excited as I was to do this prank, I was more excited to finally hold Kali in my arms again. I couldn't wait to kiss her lips that I've missed so much. I couldn't wait to take in the lavender scent of her hair or the vanilla smell of her lotion.

"So how long have you and Kal been dating?" I heard Alex say, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

She looked at me with a confused expression. "How long have you been dating?"

I could feel my face redden. "Oh we're not together."

I quickly glanced at her to see her rolling her eyes. "I don't get it, man. You straight people are so weird. I never understood why two people that are so obviously into each other just don't get together. This is why I could never date guys." I looked at her, waiting for her expression to give something away before she started laughing. "I'm serious, man. If I ever was part of one of these stupid, little pre-relationship games, I'd be out so quick."

"I'm not the one avoiding a relationship," I said before I could stop myself. I gulped, hard, keeping my eyes on the road so that I couldn't see Alex's expression.

"I never said you were. Believe me, I know how difficult girls can be, but don't let yourself be toyed around with either. You're nobody's bitch, so don't let yourself become the backup option, ok?"

I couldn't respond. I stared blankly at the road in front of me. I wasn't an option, right? Suddenly, the thought of Reese texting Kali came back, and I felt myself becoming slightly nauseous. I tried my best to force the thoughts out of my head and put on a happy face as we approached the pickup area at the airport.

I heard Alex clear her throat. "Well, Rene told me they're starting to get off so do you wanna get ready?"

The trunk was dark and hot. I'd only been in here for like five minutes and I was already feeling claustrophobic. I used my phone to give me some light, making me feel a little bit better while I had to wait. I heard muffled voices approaching the car and I felt the weight shift inside.

"The trunk is unlocked. There should be enough space for your bag in there, Kal."

"Thanks! Will my bookbag fit to?" I heard Kali say right above me.

"Yea, it should. Rene, can you stand by Kali? I want to take a return picture of you two." I heard Alex say in a muffled voice. I assumed this was her way of getting Kali's reaction from the outside. There was a pause for a few seconds before I heard them speak again. "Perfect. Ok, let's hurry before they tell us to move the car."

I heard the trunk unlock and my phone was ready to record. Light slowly started seeping in and Kali's image began to be exposed little by little. Eventually, I saw her face but she was looking away. Perfect. "Surprise!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Holy fuck!" Kali said screaming as she looked at me and tripped over her feet, causing her to fall on the ground. Alex and Eirene laughed along with me, while Kali's pale face slowly regained some color. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she asked as a small smile started to form on her lips. I knew she wasn't angry and knew I had tricked her pretty well.

I jumped out of the trunk, seeing a lot of random strangers staring at us for the scene we had just caused. I extended my hand, still laughing hysterically as I helped her up from the floor. She took my hand and popped up, punching my arm when she got her footing. "Ouch," I yelped. "I thought you would be glad to see me."

"I hate you so much," she said, starting to giggle as I picked up her bags from the ground. "You got me good, Power, but I'll get you next time."

"Oh I'm so scared," I said to her, watching as she stuck her tongue out at me. I turned my attention to Alex and Eirene who were still recording the whole interaction. "Did you get all of that?" I asked Alex.

"Yup! Kali's expression looked priceless on camera." Alex said proudly as she passed me my camera.

"Perfect!" I adjusted the camera so that I could see myself in the viewfinder and prepared to do my outro. "Well everyone! Seems like I have officially passed the torch of prankee and I think it went pretty well. Thanks to Kali's sister and her friend for helping me pull this off, I definitely couldn't have done it without them. Like always, if you liked this video, hit that like button down below and if you enjoy my content, please be sure to subscribe. Until next time, later guys!"

"Hi, bed. I've missed you. I hope you missed me too," Kali said, plopping down dramatically onto her bed, her arms spread out to other side.

I chuckled, watching he get comfortable. I placed her bags on the ground, taking a step closer. "I didn't even get a welcome like that."

"Oh shush. Me and beddy here have been through a lot. Beddy gets me on a deep, intimate level. You're just you," she said playfully.

I gently laid next to her, making sure to not move her from her position and contorted my body to wrap around hers. "I missed you, Kal." I gently moved a strand of hair from her eyes and placed it behind her ear.

"Don't worry, I missed you too, Power." She lifted her arm and placed it around me. I pulled her into a close hug, our bodies pressed against each other as I looked into her eyes. "I forgot how blue your eyes look in real life."

"I forgot how soft your lips were," I said quietly. She looked at me, patiently waiting for me to make a move. We hadn't kissed since I've picked her up, and I know she's been waiting for me to. I wanted to toy with her a bit, but honestly, I couldn't wait anymore. I gently placed my lips on hers, and I felt her push back. Our lips slowly worked together, making the kiss slow and passionate, exactly how we both wanted our return to one another to be. After a few moments, I reluctantly pulled away, knowing I could do this with her all day. "Yup, still super soft. Nice trick there."

"That literally doesn't make sense," she said in a sleepy voice. She placed another lazy kiss on my lips and cuddled in closer to me.

"No, no. None of that. You need to wake up. We have to head to Tampa tonight."

She groaned, obviously wanting to stay sleeping. "It's four in the afternoon. It's two hours away and literally if we leave like within the next few hours we're gonna be stuck in horrible fuckin traffic. Do you have the patience to sit in traffic for like an extra hour or two? No? Good. Me neither. Good night, babe."

She mumbled through most of that, but I heard what she called me. I couldn't help but blush as I pulled her in a little closer, letting her fall asleep in my arms. I kissed her forehead softly, resting my chin lightly on top of her. "Good night, beautiful."

 **Kali**

 _It was cold, really cold. All I could see around me was darkness. There were shades of black, but nothing that was really clear or detailed. I walked around looking for some indication of where I was or what I was supposed to do there._

" _Hello?" I called out into the darkness. All I heard in return was a distorted echo. The voice didn't sound like my own. It sounded strained, tired, even fragile._

 _After the echo faded, there was nothing but silence being returned. I wandered around more, searching for an inkling or a clue. I felt myself begin to panic. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel the room closing in on me. I dropped to the ground, shutting my eyes tight and rocking back and forth, feeling my sanity slip through whatever grip I had on it._

" _Babe, I need you to calm down," I heard a soft voice say. I opened my eyes, my brown eyes connecting to his. I felt his presence next to me as his arms wrapped around me. I could smell his usual cologne in my nose, memories running through my mind similar to this very moment now. I looked around again, and this time we were in his old bedroom, sitting on his floor._

" _Reese, why are you here?" My voice came out raspy, leaving my throat scratchy and dry._

" _I'll always be here for you, babe, you know that?" He said calmly, placing a kiss on my hairline._

" _You can't be here for me like this, Reese. I can't do this to you anymore. You need to move on." I shut my eyes tight as I tried to pull away from him. I got up and started running as fast as I could. I was only stopped when I felt a pair of strong arms grab and pull me from behind._

" _Who needs to move on, Kal?" a different voice asked with a strong Australian accent._

" _Power," I said quietly, turning around and embracing him tightly. He returned the hug, gently playing with my hair to soothe me. "Where am I? Why are we here?"_

" _I don't know," he said softly, "but why is it so dark in here? What's wrong, beautiful?"_

 _I felt tears stinging at my eyes. "I'm just so confused. All I can think about is the darkness. It's engulfing me. I can't escape it. What should I do?"_

" _Well, what about this." He pulled himself away from me. He gave me a soft kiss. I closed my eyes, trying to deepen it but I felt hands push against my chest. I felt myself begin to fall. "Wake up!"_

My eyes jolted open. I looked around, realizing I was just on the plane. I felt a wave of relief wash over me since that weird dream I was caught in was finally over.

I looked out the little window and sighed. It was officially my last day in New York and as much as I loved being here and seeing my family, I absolutely hate not being able to be alone when I want to be, and with everything that's been on my mind, I've been wanting to be alone.

I've never been the girl to talk to or "date" multiple guys at once, and I know I'm not doing that now, but it still makes me feel weird. Obviously, I was blessed to have someone like Lachlan stumble into my life. I still don't know how it happened, but it did, and I was living out a dream that I didn't fully know I had. He's so different than the other guys I've ever dated or interacted with. He understands my mind in a deeper way, especially since he's mentally been in the same places I have. He makes me feel light inside and brings out this childlike air I haven't explored in such a long time. I love how I feel when I'm around him, and I love watching him grow before my eyes.

The thing is, I've been having really dark thoughts again; like really, really dark thoughts. I would never admit this to anyone, especially not Lachlan, but my mind won't stray from the idea of death. I keep looking around at the tall buildings, the sketchy street corners, and the flowing rivers and wondering just how easy it could be to make it all look like an accident. I mean, a window could easily crack, a drug deal could go bad, a car could lose control and derail into the water below us, and would anyone really second guess it? I hated thinking like this, especially since I have so many people who have supported me and watched me get better. I couldn't afford to spiral out of control again.

The only thing that has calmed me and stopped these thoughts was getting high. I've been smoking every day, and I know that's not a good thing, but it was stopping me from my need to cut, so I figured it was the lesser of the two evils. It just brought my mind to a peaceful place. I thought happier thoughts, thought of happier people, and felt happier feelings. I would sit and imagine Lachlan there with me, dancing to a slow, romantic song in an empty grass field under the stars. I would imagine my siblings and I, playing in the snow as children and making angels and snowmen. I would imagine myself, flying through the clear blue sky like a bird, and being joined by Reese.

Reese. He's another issue at the moment. He's the "other guy" in my current situation, but he's not really the other guy. The night I left for New York, he had drunk texted me multiple times, and the next morning I finally responded in the hopes of having a civil and sober conversation. I had agreed to meet with him when I got back because truthfully, he was my best friend and losing him as that hurt me more than losing him as my boyfriend. We had been texting while I was here, nothing serious or flirtation, but it made me feel how I did when we used to date and that made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I felt like I was keeping a secret from Lachlan by not letting him know that we were speaking again or that I intended to meet with him. I don't want it to feel like I'm hiding something, but at the same time I don't want Lachlan to take it wrong or overreact.

Obviously, Lachlan and I aren't in a relationship, but I know he likes me, and I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I have real feelings for him. I struggled with this more than he knew. I know he assumed it was because of the pact we had in group, but truthfully, I didn't know whether I liked him so much because of the Lachlan I thought he was or the Lachlan he really is. He's so different than what I had imagined him to be, and I liked the real him better than the internet him. I don't think of him as a YouTube personality at this point in our friendship, I just see him as the friend I had made in group and quickly fell for.

"Kal?" I heard Eirene faintly say from the seat beside me.

"What's up?"

"Are you ok? You've been really quiet the whole flight."

I nodded, closing my eyes and resting my head against the seat. "Yea, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Boy problems?" she asked, cocking her head slightly.

I let out a deep sigh. "Kind of but not really."

"I think you should tell him that you're meeting with Reese."

"What?"

"I know that's what you're stressed about. I know you're over Reese. You know you're over Reese, too. I also know you really like Lachlan and he really likes you. I think if you want things to progress, you shouldn't hide things from him, you know? It's only going to be lunch to catch up and clear the air, right? It's something between friends so he should be understanding of that."

I considered what she said very carefully and finally nodded. "Ok, but I think I'm going to wait until after New Years. I don't know how he'll react and I'd rather not ruin the holiday, you know?"

She nodded beside me, placing a reassuring hand on my leg. "Sounds good. I really do think you're making the right choice here."

"Yea, well I guess we'll see."

I was still fake upset at Lachlan after the prank he pulled on me. He knows I get scared easily and this jerk used that against me. The car was silent after we had dropped off my sister and Alex.

"Are you going to keep being fake mad and not talk to me?" he asked with a smile.

I turned my head, crossing my arms and facing towards the window. "I'm ignoring you," I said in a childish voice.

He chuckled a little, placing his hand on my thigh and squeezing it a bit. "Aw, is little Kali annoyed with me?"

"I said I'm ignoring you," I announced a little louder.

Lachlan stopped the car at the red light and I could see him looking at me in the reflection of the window. "Fine. Ignore me all you want. Just know you brought this upon yourself."

I furrowed my eyebrows and made eye contact with him throw the window. I saw his hands raise and I knew what was coming. "Don't you dare!" I screamed as I felt his hands attack my sides, tickling me to the point of pain.

"I thought you were ignoring me?" he asked, moving his hands up and down my sides.

"Stop it! Please!" I begged, laughing hysterically despite my best efforts not to.

"Can you talk to me then?" He stopped tickling me but didn't lift his hands from my sides.

I stayed silent for a moment, weighing my options. On one end, I knew the light would change soon and he would have to release me so he could drive. On the other end, I did want to talk to him. I missed being able to interact with him in person. I decided to give in. "Fine! You win this time, Power, but don't get used to it!"

He smiled and put one hand on the wheel and the other on my leg. "Good to hear that." The light turned green and he sped off, quickly turning into my complex and parking next to my car. "Welcome home, Kal."

"I've missed it more than you know," I said with a smile. I jumped out of the car, leaving my bags in the car and running to my front door. I unlocked it and took in the warmth and familiar feel of my living room. I stood there, looking at the Christmas tree in the living room and our stockings hanging on the little homemade ornaments hung proudly at the top of the tree, making me smile as I got closer to it.

"Why I thought you would carry your own bags, I don't even know," I heard Lachlan say behind me. I suppose he had finally entered the apartment. "I'm obviously your servant boy."

"Nah, you talk way too much to be a servant boy," I said, looking back and giving him a playful smile.

"God, I hate you," he sighed, carrying my bags towards my room.

"No! I have to see it first!" I exclaimed, running around him and into my room. "Hi, bed. I've missed you. I hope you missed me too," I said, clinging onto my bed like it was the first time I had ever seen it.

I heard him laugh behind me as my bags landed on the ground. "I didn't even get a welcome like that."

"Oh shush. Me and beddy here have been through a lot. Beddy gets me on a deep, intimate level. You're just you."

I felt my bed sink a bit and felt his body conform to mine. "I missed you, Kal."

"Don't worry, I missed you too, Power." I put my arm around him and he pulled me in closer, our bodies molding to one another. "I forgot how blue your eyes look in real life."

"I forgot how soft your lips were." Ours eyes lingered to each others mouths, waiting for a move to be made. With that, his lips pressed against mine and we had our first kiss after being apart for a few days. It was sweet and passionate and just what I needed to clear my mind from the darkness earlier. After what felt like only a few seconds, he pulled away. "Yup, still super soft. Nice trick there."

Suddenly, I was hit with a wave of sleepiness. "That literally doesn't make sense," I mumbled, giving him another quick kiss and moving in closer.

"No, no. None of that. You need to wake up. We have to head to Tampa tonight," he said assertively, waking me up a bit.

"It's four in the afternoon. It's two hours away and literally if we leave like within the next few hours we're gonna be stuck in horrible fuckin traffic. Do you have the patience to sit in traffic for like an extra hour or two? No? Good. Me neither. Good night, babe," I said mindlessly, not realizing the word had left my lips until it was already out.

My vision faded to black as I fell asleep, hearing a faint whisper of "Good night, beautiful."

It was just past 10 PM and I could feel my stomach bubbling from nerves. We were turning down the street where Mitch and Jerome lived and the pressure of meeting Lachlan's friends was pressing down on me. I felt my panic begin to set in. Not only was a spending a holiday with them, I would be staying in their home for the next two nights.

"You ok there, buddy?" Lachlan said from the driver's seat.

"Huh?" I looked over at him, surprised at his question. "Yea, just nervous I think."

He chuckled beside me. "You think? You're worse than I was."

I sighed, knowing he was right. "I just wanna make a good impression."

"You will," he said softly, placing his hand into mine. "They'll love you just like I do." I froze. He froze. I looked at him, watching his face redden furiously. "That's not what I meant. I meant like a friend, you know?"

I nodded, looking away as my face started to blush as well. "I know what you meant," I said quietly as we pulled into the driveway of a huge, two story house.

"We can take our time going in, you know? There's no rush." He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and my heart rate slowed down a bit. If Lachlan could meet my friends and do well, I can too, right?

"Fuck it," I said with a sigh. "Let's do this." He smiled at me and got out of the car, coming around to get the door for me. We grabbed our stuff from the trunk which was mainly duffle bags since he wouldn't be recording much here. He grabbed my hand and guided me to the front door. I looked down and paused, staring at the faded lettering that read 'Welcome' beneath my feet. I took a deep breath and looked at Lachlan, letting him know I was ready. He gave me a big smile, letting me know that it was going to be alright before ringing the doorbell. There's no turning back now.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Counting Down

**Lachlan**

 _26 Hours Prior_

Kali has been so out of her element since she's been here and I feel like I can't help. Mitch has been really welcoming, telling her to make herself at home, but I know Kali and she wouldn't do that, especially during her first visit. Jerome, however, wasn't being as hospitable. He's been staring her down to the point where she feels uncomfortable. She' hasn't mentioned anything to me about it, but she doesn't have to. I don't want her feeling unwanted, and I can tell Jerome is doing just that.

"Um," I heard her nearly whisper from the other side of the couch. All three of us looked over at her. "May I use your bathroom?"

Mitch chuckled and got up, motioning for her to follow him. "Of course! I wasn't kidding when I said make yourself at home, you know?"

She gave him a weak smile, nearly jumping out of her skin when she felt Mitch place his arm on her shoulder to guide her to the downstairs bathroom.

It was just me and Jerome now and he was playing mindlessly on his phone. My jaw was clenched, my hands wringing as I decided whether I should say something or not. The anger of watching how uncomfortable Kali was getting to me and I couldn't handle it. Yes, I was protective of her. No, I didn't think that was a bad thing.

"You good, man?" I asked Jerome, sounding a lot more aggressive than I intended, not that I could help it.

He half looked up at me, clearly annoyed I had even asked him such a question. "Yea, why do you ask?"

My hands balled into fists as I tried to control my temper, something that I've been really good at since getting here. "You think I didn't notice you've been staring her down? What's your problem, dude?"

He rolled his eyes, unamused with the conversation. "Whatever, man. I'm going to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Before I could say anything, he hurried off to his room, bumping into Mitch as he returned back to the living room.

He looked back at Jerome, obviously confused, and then looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair and pulling it in frustration. I looked back towards the hall Mitch had just came from and looked at him as he shook his head, indicating Kali wasn't coming back soon. "He's being such a dick about Kali and it's pissing me off," I hissed. "I think he still thinks she's using me or whatever, but I don't get it! Does he not see how much better I've been? Does he not realize that she's actually helped me with this?" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I hated that they always did that when I was getting ready to blow up.

Mitch walked over to me and hugged me, something he rarely does but seems to always do the trick when my anger levels rose. "He's just being protective, you know? He sees you like a little brother and he's scared that if you get hurt, it'll be his fault, especially since you're so close now."

"Then why the fuck doesn't he just talk to me about it like a man?"

"Because he's Jerome. He doesn't like talking about his feelings and shit. Try talking to him tomorrow before the party. You two can go grab some last minute things for the party and I'll stay here with Kali, making sure she feels as comfortable as possible."

I nodded. "Yea, ok, sounds good," I said as Kali walked back in the living room.

Her eyes wandered to where Jerome was sitting and back to me. "He went to sleep?"

Mitch and I nodded in unison. "Yup, which honestly, we should too. Got a lot of prep to do tomorrow and since you guys so graciously volunteered to help when you decided to come a day early, you'll need the rest."

Mitch and I got up from the couch and walked towards Kali and I's belongings that were still sitting towards the entrance. We grabbed the belongings and headed towards the guest room on the second floor. I walked on autopilot, being familiar with the layout since I had stayed in the house the weekend prior, but Kali and Mitch lagged behind me.

"Hey," Mitch mumbled awkwardly, "so I forget to ask, but I had two of the guest rooms set up, just in case." His voice trailed off at the end and Kali and I looked at each other, both of our faces covered in a pale blush.

I had assumed we would sleep together, but I never stopped to consider what Kali would want to do in the situation. "It's up to you, Kal." She looked at me, her eyes pleading for me to make the decision for her. She obviously didn't know how much my friends know, which at the moment was very little after I told them about our date. They don't even know that we've kissed or have slept in the same bed, so I do understand the confusion this may have caused Mitch.

I bit my lip, raising my eyebrows at her playfully, hoping she would understand how much I wanted her to sleep in my arms, especially after being away for so long. I saw a smirk form on her lips. "The one room is fine," she said confidently while her eyes never left my gaze. "Thanks, Mitch."

I could see him smile between the two of us, not even trying to conceal it. "Well alrighty, at least it's already set up for whatever drunks need to stay the night tomorrow. Behave, kids," he said with a chuckle as he walked towards his room. "Night!"

 _21 Hours Prior_

Kali and I couldn't sleep so we had spent the last few hours watching some episodes of _Archer_ on Netflix. And by watching, I mean making out intensely as the show played in the background. We were in nothing but our underwear again, and fuck I wanted her so bad. This time, she unclipped her bra and let me pull it off, exposing her breasts in the pale lighting coming from the television. I could feel myself harden just from looking at her, and the blood continued to rush through me as I placed gentle kisses on them before going any further.

"Lachlan," I heard her breathe my name as she watched me work on her breasts. I looked up at her, awaiting for her to either give me permission to keep going or to stop. I felt her move into me, her body pressing softly against mine. "I don't think I'm ready to give it all to you, but I want you so bad."

She slithered from under me and pushed me onto my back, staring at me lustfully as she played with the hem of my boxers before pulling them down. Her eyes shifted down and back up to my gaze. She bit her lip, making my body pulse as I wondered what she was going to do.

"What do you have in mind, Diaz?"

She gave me a devilish smirk as she climbed up between my legs and hovered over me. She placed kisses along my waistline, sending shivers down my spine as she got closer and closer. She looked up at me one more time, almost as if to get permission before she moved on. I nodded slowly, not wanting to seem overly eager.

With that, she gave me the best head I had ever received in my life. It should go without saying that I returned the favor and it was amazing watching her enjoy something so deeply. We both slept in each other's arms, naked and smiling.

 _12 Hours Prior_

Update: We've been awake for about an hour or so now and Jerome hasn't said anything to me. Granted, I haven't either, but I shouldn't have to. He's being a major dick and he knows it. I don't know how I feel about Mitch's plan to get him to open up. I'm starting to think it's just a waste of time and energy. Maybe I could just get him drunk and he'll be more honest then? We'll see I guess.

Additional update: I can't stop thinking about last night. Kali is literally amazing emotionally, mentally, and physically. I can't get the question out of my mind that's been lingering for a week now. Tonight, I think I'm gonna ask her. I'm sure it's what I want.

 _9 Hours Prior_

"So," Mitch says loudly as he claps his hands together. We were all in the kitchen getting things together for the party. Kali had offered to help Mitch make dinner for the four of us, so she was working diligently as Jerome and I put up some more decorations in the living room. "I think Kali and I have the kitchen under control. Do you guys think you could head to the store and get some more liquor? I feel like we may run out like last year and I definitely don't want that to happen."

Jerome looked at me, sighing as he nodded for me to follow him. I scuffed, walking over to Kali and placing a kiss on head as I wrapped her in a quick hug. "Did you need anything else?"

She looked around at the ingredients displayed before her. "Umm, I think we're good for now. Do you think we need anything else, Mitch?"

"Actually, we need a lot of limes. And grab extra mixers, yea?" Mitch called from the other side of the island. He was working on some finger foods for the party tonight.

"Got it! Be back in a bit." I reluctantly walked out through the front door, looking at Jerome fiddle on his phone while sitting in the driver's seat. I took a deep breath and opened the door, sliding in in silence and putting on my seatbelt. Without saying a word, he put the car in reverse and sped off.

We drove in silence as I tried to figure out what to say to him. I really wanted this to be a good weekend, and I knew if something was going to change I had to give. I let out a deep sigh and opened my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry for being a dick," Jerome said, cutting me off before I could say anything.

"What?" I said in disbelief.

"I know I've been distant lately, I just, you know I worry about you."

"You don't have to worry about me, I promise. I've been doing so much better; you can ask Mitch. He's told me he sees the change in me. I know you're worried about Kali using me or hurting me, but she's helped me so much. I haven't cut since I've met her, did you know that? I don't even think about it as much. I feel happy, man. Be happy for me, please?"

I could see a sadness in his eyes, as he had finally realized he had been wrong to not trust Kali and for thinking so little of the progress I've actually made. "I feel like I've ignored all the signs just because I'm so worried something bad is gonna happen and I won't be able to help." We pulled into the parking lot of the liquor store. He put the car in park and looked at me, tears threatening to come through. "I don't want to lose you, or almost lose you again."

"You won't, man. I'm stronger now. I've learned how to talk to people about these things. If I feel down or like I want to do something bad, I'll say something. I don't want to die anymore, Jerome." His face contorted as I said anymore, knowing that was once all I had on my mind. "You're not losing me anytime soon as long as I'm in control of things. Believe in me, ok?"

He nodded, finally understanding. "I'm sorry, man. Kali really does seem like a great girl. I'll be better to her, I promise, just give me time." He got out of the car, prompting me to exit as well. We walked into the store, laughing like old times. I was so thankful everything was back to normal.

 _6 Hours Prior_

"Are you guys fuckin high?" I said, looking between Mitch and Kali as they giggled like children.

"Absolutely," Mitch said in a squeaky voice, making Kali laugh even harder. Jerome sat across from me, looking at me with annoyance. This wasn't really helping Kali's case. "We made these pot brownies for tonight and we needed to make sure they were strong enough."

Kali began to nod slowly next to me. "They're definitely strong enough. Shit, I'm glad it hit us both at the same time. I'm starving! And dinner's ready. Can we eat please?"

I looked at her in disbelief. She never struck me as a pothead or even someone who smoked recreationally. She had never mentioned it to me and it kind of made me feel weird that I had to find out this way. Mitch learned something about her before I did, and I really didn't like it.

"Kal, can I talk to you before we eat?" Her eyes looked at me, completely glazed over. She stared at me blankly for about ten seconds before nodding and getting up from her seat.

"What's up, baby cakes?" She said in a flirty tone, her hand playing with my hair as she got closer to me.

"Do you think it's a good idea to be this fucked up around people you don't even know?" I said assertively. I hoped it came off as more of a worrisome tone as opposed to the angry tone I heard.

"Oh calm down. Mitch said it would help me relax, which it is. I feel so chill and comfortable, I can't even be bothered as to whether or not Jerome is giving me death glares."

I flinched. "So you noticed?"

"I'm not an idiot, man. I can tell when I'm not really liked, and I get it. That's why I've been staying out of his way," her voice trailed off as her eyes lingered the length of my body. "You know," she whispered seductively as she moved in closer, "when I get high, I get incredibly horny."

She pressed her body against me, pinning me to a wall. I wasn't in the mood to deal with this crap, but I couldn't resist how sexy it was to hear her be so bold about her sexuality. "Kali, this isn't a good idea," was all I could manage to say, knowing that if she truly wanted me at the moment, I would willingly give it to her.

"Shh, the guys will hear you," she said into my ear as i felt her fumble with the strings on my pants. She moved her lips onto mine, kissing me hungrily. I could feel myself get excited with anticipation as she made her way into sweats and over my boxers, stroking me slowly and gently.

As much as I didn't want this to stop, I knew it was wrong of me to take advantage of the situation since she wasn't fully there. "We can't do this right now, love," I whispered quietly against her lips, "but after the countdown tonight, I'm all yours."

 _2 Hours Prior_

I watched Kali from across the room. She was talking to Mitch's girlfriend, Jess, by the hor d'oeuvres and she looked absolutely gorgeous. Her dark gray hair was pin straight down her back. The black body suit she was wearing hugged her curves just right, leaving little to the imagination. She intended to wear little makeup, but Jess had come while we were getting ready and urged her to allow her to do her makeup, thus, Kali was left with a dramatic, dark look around her eyes and a dark red painted on her lips.

I tried looking away from her, but couldn't. I know she knows I've been avoiding her a bit, but I just don't think I can anymore. I wanted to have her by my side. I'm sick of watching guys throw themselves at her and watching her look at me for permission before speaking to them. I hadn't understood why she had kept doing that, that is until Mitch came up to me and said that he had accidentally told Kali some things about my past that he assumed she knew. I wasn't mad at him, I really wasn't, but it still made me feel weird knowing Kali learned some extremely intimidate things about me from Mitch, especially after they had already been high together. I wonder what else they had done when I was gone…

I shook my head, getting the ridiculous thought out of my head. I knew I could trust Kali and Mitch. They were both extremely close friends of mine, right? They would never do something so fucked up to me, right? Shit, I was going back to that place again.

I sighed, chugging the drink in my hand and heading to the kitchen to grab another. I was feeling a little tipsy, but I wanted to feel good tonight, like really good. I poured some whiskey in a glass, no mixer, and looked back over to Kali. It's time I man up and own my past.

I slowly walked over to the pair of women. Jess saw me first, giving me an understanding nod, and told Kali she would be back. Just then, I placed an arm gently on her Kali's shoulder, watching her tense at my touch for a second but then slowly turn around with a smile plastered on her face. She looked over to the drink in my hand and her smile faltered a bit, though she tried to play it off as if it didn't happen. It stung, knowing she would be watching my moves a little more closely, but I was ok with that.

"Hey, beautiful," I said weakly, reaching out to take her hand in mine.

Her fingers tightened around mine immediately and my heart jumped a little. It amazes me how she still can do that to me. "Hey, Power. I've missed you tonight. Done avoiding me now?"

I chuckled nervously out of embarrassment as I leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry, I just," I let out a deep sigh, trying to figure out what I wanted to say before saying it. "I think I just wanted to be in control of what you knew about my past. I know Mitch's didn't tell you the best things, but they were true bits about how I used to be. I'm not like that anymore. I'm so much better, you know that."

Kali nodded, but I could see her mind working. She was probably rethinking all the things I've ever done, looking for clues to prove and verify as to whether or not I'm actually better. It hurt a little to see her do that, but I understood why she's doing it, knowing I would have done the same if I was in her position.

"I know you're getting better, but I've been in your shoes, and still am. A relapse isn't impossible, but I know you're incredibly strong willed and won't let yourself fall into that trap. Just know I'm here, ok? I'm a lot more understanding than you give me credit for."

I moved in closer, placing a gentle kiss on her hairline. She smiled up at me, embracing me with her free arm and placing her head against my chest.

I looked down at her, how angelic she appeared as she held me. I quickly downed my drink, placing the cup on a table behind me and pulled Kali away from me. She looked at me with confusion, but I simply just smiled at her. "Kali, my dear, may I have this dance?"

She laughed, covering her mouth as she quietly gasped for breath. "I thought you'd never ask, Power. Show me what you got."

 _5 Minutes Prior_

We were in the kitchen, setting up the little, plastic champagne glasses to be passed out to the guests. There were over 50 little glasses that needed to be assembled and two bottles that had to be opened. Jerome and I assembled the cups as quickly as we could, leaving Mitch to open the bottles and then help us with assembly while Kali poured enough in each of the little cups. I watched as she meticulously poured, making sure there was the same amount in each glass. She's such a perfectionist, I thought to myself, making me smile as I continued to watch her.

"Bro, you like her, I get it, but get it together, we're four minutes away from New Year's," Jerome whispered to me.

I blushed and worked faster, putting together the last glass and then working with the other two guys to start passing out the filled glasses. Everyone seemed to be moving quickly and getting in place to watch the projected image of a filled Times Square and a countdown clock in the bottom right corner.

"If I could get everyone's attention!" Mitch announced from in front of the screen with Jerome and Jess on either side. "I know we only have two minutes until the new year, and I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you. I consider everyone one of you that came out here tonight to be true and dear friends, and 2016 wouldn't have been as memorable without you. Now, when the clock strikes midnight, I want you all to drink to an amazing 2017, a year to be filled with just as much fun, love, and excitement. And remember, once the countdown is done, that's when the real party starts! Cheers guys!"

Everyone raised their glasses to Mitch, cheering and clapping as he turned around and started watching the screen with the rest of us. The one minute countdown had begun. It was time. I grabbed Kali's hand and turned her towards me.

She looked at me with excitement and smiled. "It's almost time! To think I'll be bringing in the new year with my new friend," she said as she held my hand a little tighter.

I smiled at her giddiness. God, she was beautiful. "Kali, I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I only have about 50 seconds to do this, so I'll make it quick ok?" She nodded quickly, urging me to continue. "Ok, so over the past month, I was able to find someone so lovely, so caring, so eternally beautiful and I've realized just how blessed I am for having you. I care so deeply for you, Kal, and I really would move the world for you if you wanted me to. I guess what I'm trying to say her is that I'm falling for you so hard, love, and I want you to be mine." She flinched a little, but I pleaded for her to let me finish before she reacted. "As much as I would love to ask you to be my girlfriend right now, Kal, I know neither of us are ready for that. All I'm asking is this: Kali Diaz, may I please take you on a proper date? One where I plan the whole thing and you simply come along for the ride and enjoy it with me? I would love nothing more than to show you a good day, something someone as wonderful as you deserves."

"10, 9, 8, 7!" I heard everyone shout. I quickly looked at the clock. Only five seconds left. I turned back to Kali, waiting for her response.

She smiled at me, a slight blush her cheeks. "Of course I'll go on a date with you, you idiot."

"Happy New Year!" the mass of people around us cheered.

I smiled, looking at the only person in the room that mattered to me in that moment. I pulled her into me and kissed her, more passionately than I think I ever had before. I was falling in love with this girl, I really was, and I couldn't wait until she was really mine.

We pulled away, looking into each other's eyes with childlike smiles. "Happy New Year."

 **Kali**

 _26 Hours Prior_

This is so awkward. I can feel Jerome's eyes boring into me and it's making my arms itch. I've been getting the urge to cut so much more recently, and this feeling of being watched and the overwhelming pressure being pushed onto me isn't helping. I hadn't said much since we'd arrived. I mainly just listened to Lachlan and Mitch speak excitedly about the party tomorrow.

"I legit can't wait to let loose tomorrow. It's so stressful planning these things out." Mitch said as he stretched out onto the couch. "You brought your swim suit, right Kali?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, I didn't know I was supposed to," I said quietly.

"Oh, sorry, that's my bad. I meant to tell you about that. I don't mind taking you to buy one tomorrow," Lachlan suggested.

"Um, no, it's fine," I responded hesitantly. I didn't know these people very well and the thought of them seeing my scars made me extremely self conscious. "I think I may be coming down with something so I don't know if swimming in the cold is really the best idea."

Lachlan looked at me with concern. "What is it, Kal? Do you feel feverish?"

I shook my head. "No, maybe a cold or something."

"Well don't be afraid to ask for anything, Kali. Really, make yourself at home! We want you to enjoy your weekend here. Like I said, any friend of Lachlan's is a friend of mine and I truly mean that." Mitch looked at me so genuinely, making me feel this intense need to trust him. It's so crazy to me how I was getting such different vibes from him and Jerome, but it made me feel better knowing I wasn't hated by at least one of the boys.

"Thanks, Mitch. I really appreciate it," I said with a weak smile. I kept rubbing my left arm, feeling the itchy material of my maroon sweater rub against my skin. Lachlan noticed and grabbed my hand, his eyes filled with concern. I could see him asking if I was ok, but instead of sending him a response, I just looked away, feeling that would be better than lying to his face. "Um, may I use your bathroom?"

Mitch stood before me and smiled. "Of course! I wasn't kidding when I said make yourself at home, you know?"

I smiled and got up to follow him, tensing when I felt his arm make contact with my body. This is as close as I have been to him and to feel him touch me felt foreign and unnecessary, but I knew he was being kind, so I tried to relax as much as possible as we walked down a long hall.

"So, I know we never gave you a real tour of the house, but I figured since your flight just came in today, you were probably pretty exhausted as it is. I'll definitely give you a full tour tomorrow." I simply nodded, still trapped under the weight of his arm on my shoulders. I heard him sigh beside me. "I know this is probably a really weird experience for you. You don't know Jerome and I, and you're still getting to know Lachlan as well. I'm not naive enough to think you'll feel comfortable around us all right away, but I really hope you do. It's been a long time since I've seen my friend this happy, and I know you have a lot to do with that. So when I tell you that you can have anything I can offer you, please know I mean it genuinely."

We were stopped before a closed door and Mitch was looking at me with determination and care in his eyes. "I want to thank you for your hospitality, really. I'm really awkward when I meet people, it's something I've been trying to work on for ages, but I appreciate you opening up your home to me and inviting me to spend this holiday with you and the people close to you. It means a lot." I turned the knob of the door in front of me and pushed it open. I looked back at Mitch before entering. "I'm glad he's happy again," I said with a smile before closing the door behind me.

 _21 Hours Prior_

I had decided I wanted more. I didn't want to have sex with Lachlan just yet, but I knew we would soon. I knew he wanted it, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him just as bad, I just couldn't bring myself to that point just yet. One of our favorite shows to watch together played on the television as I laid on his bare chest in nothing but an oversized shirt and underwear. I knew I was going to take our relationship to the next step tonight, I was just waiting for the perfect moment.

I moved in a little closer to him, my head sliding a little higher on his chest as my hand slid to the hem of his flannel pajama bottoms. I felt his body stiffen then quickly relax at the contact. I looked up at him to see he was already looking down at me. "What are you doing, love?" he asked in a hush tone.

"I've missed you, and I haven't been able to show you just how much since I got back." I slid out of the oversized shirt, leaving me in nothing but some black, lace underwear I had worn specifically to excite him. His mouth dropped a little as he looked over my bare body, meanwhile my eyes wandered to the part of his body that was clearly growing with excitement.

"What's stopping you?" he asked with lust filled eyes. To that, I straddled him slowly, kissing his neck as I pulled down his pants. I heard a quiet moan escape his lips before I pressed mine against them. The kiss quickly became aggressive and hungry. We rolled around the bed, fighting for dominance and wanting to pleasure the other as much as we could. As I watched him loom over me, I unclipped my bra, exposing my breasts to him for the first time. It was obvious he liked what he saw. He knew just what to do with his hands and mouth, and damn did it feel amazing.

"Lachlan," I said in a quiet moan. I pressed in closer to him, watching him as he waited for me to say what I needed to say. "I don't think I'm ready to give it all to you, but I want you so bad." He bit his lip as I made my way on top of him. I pulled his boxers down, licking my lips to give him a hint of what I had planned for him.

"What do you have in mind, Diaz?" I smiled, placing gentle kisses on his waistline and moving closer and closer to thing that that caught both of our attention. I looked up at him, asking for permission before doing anything further, and watched as he tried to hold back his excitement.

 _20 Hours Prior_

I wasn't expecting anything in return, but Lachlan has just made me feel more beautiful in that moment than I have ever felt with anyone else. He was gentle but precise, and made every single muscle in my body tense and relax all at once. I loved the feeling of his warm body intertwined with mine. Hopefully, this will be the first night in a while where I can dream of something happy instead of the darkness I've been seeing for the past week.

 _11 Hours Prior_

We all sat lazily around the island in the kitchen, eating a quiet lunch I had prepared for everyone.

"This is delicious, love." Lachlan whispered in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. I knew he noticed my tension as he slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer and placing a kiss on my cheek. The small display in front of his friends made me a little uncomfortable, though it didn't seem like either of the two had noticed, or at least pretended not to.

I heard Mitch moan in delight from the other side of the island. "Kali, this is great! This is legit the best steak sandwich I've ever had."

I chuckled a little, knowing he was just trying to flatter me. "Thanks, but it's really not that great. Just wanted to say thanks in some way for opening your home up to me."

"Hell, if you're willing to cook amazingness like this, you can come over as often as you want. You don't need to worry about bringing that fucker, though," Mitch said with a hearty laugh, covering his mouth to not exposed the chewed food in there.

I felt Lachlan's arm tighten around me. "Fuck you, man," he said smiling, though his jaw was obviously clutch.

"Chill out, dude," Mitch said raising his hands in defense. "It was just a joke. But seriously, I had planned on working on all the food on my own because I know these two assholes can't cook for their lives. Do you mind helping me with dinner and some finger foods for the party?"

I smiled at the offer and nodded eagerly. "That sounds like fun, actually." Cooking was one of the few chores I enjoyed doing. I loved the freedom of expression I had while doing and the passion I could pour into the food. Plus, this will probably give me a better chance of distancing myself from Jerome who has still yet to say anything to me.

"Perfect. We can work on a menu after lunch and then head to the store. You guys wanna come?" He looked at Lachlan who nodded while taking a bite of the sandwich.

"I'll pass," Jerome said, quickly finishing his sandwich. "I'll just decorate in the meantime." He got up from his seat and disappeared into a hall.

I let out a breath, feeling a little more at ease. Maybe after the party, I'll work on at least being civil with this stranger I'm staying with.

 _8 and a Half Hours Prior_

"Can you pass me the garlic, Mitch?" I said, prepping the pan for the ground beef I was cooking. I decided to work on the dinner for all of us tonight, settling that lasagna would be good so that Mitch and Jerome could have left overs for the next day since I'm sure they won't want to do much after the party tonight.

Mitch danced his way to my side of the kitchen, passing me fresh garlic and a mincer as he sang along to an old Paramore song I used to listen to all the time. "I could feel the pressure, it's getting closer now. We're better off without you!" he wailed beside me as he worked on making the dough for some pigs in a blanket.

I laughed hysterically, throwing the garlic and some onion in the hot pan. "You got crazy skills. Lachlan should start phasing you into his music videos."

He chuckled, shooting me a dismissive look. "I'm gonna take a hard pass on that, thanks. I like to keep my angelic voice to myself."

"You can't keep it from the people forever, Mitch."

He rolled his eyes, tossing some flour at me. "I think I just like seeing you and Lachlan together. I won't steal your thunder," he said with a playful wink.

Funny, I used to say the same thing when I watched Lachlan's videos with him. I didn't let Mitch know that, though, as I was still unsure if I should even bring that up to him since he hasn't. "You can gladly take it. I see him nearly every day. Please, put me out of my misery and take him back!" I say dramatically, placing the seasoned ground beef into the pan.

I heard Mitch laugh beside me, shaking his head as he started cutting the dough into smaller pieces. "I can tell he really likes you."

I bit my lip, not really wanting to discuss anything emotional at the moment. I tried to ignore him, starting to work on the sauce for the lasagna.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up if you didn't want to talk about it. It's just," he paused. I looked over to him to see that he had stopped working on his food. He looked back at me, his eyes portraying an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It looked like a blend of sadness and worry with a glimmer of hope, but truthfully, I didn't know him well enough to tell. "It's just it's been so long since I've seen him doing this well. I know you know about his past, about the person he was. Two years ago, he was such so different. He didn't know how to handle his depression and we didn't know didn't know how serious it was. The random tantrums, the constant drunken episodes, the sleepless nights, the careless sex; we thought it was just him being a normal teenager. We're his friends and we couldn't tell, Kali. We spoke everyday and we couldn't tell he was dealing with things like alcoholism, insane anger issues, bulimia, and insomnia. He was trying to kill himself for so long and we couldn't tell. What the fuck kind of friends were we back then?"

His tears were welling up, and I didn't know how to comfort him. He told me a lot more than Lachlan lead on, and it scared me a little. I'm a prime example of how someone could be doing so well one day and slip into such an intense and deep darkness the next. "You know it's not your fault, right? It's no one's fault. You need to let go of that and look at the progress he's made. Just in the short amount of time I've known him he's changed so much. Have faith, man."

I felt him studying my features, trying to get inside my head and see things from the perspective of someone who has been in Lachlan's position. "I know you're right. I just feel like I still need to protect him."

I nodded, turning my attention to the browning meet in the pan. "Good. He needs the support. Don't ever take that away from him."

He turned his attention back to the food he was preparing. "You're really good for him. I could tell. He's a lucky guy." I smiled to myself, appreciating the compliment. "This may seem random," his voice trailed off. I looked back at him, intrigued by the slight edge in his voice. "So, I usually make special brownies for the party. Would you want to help?"

I smiled at him. Just the mention of the drug made my heart pound in anticipation. The thought of the alleviation from the anxiety I'd been feeling since being here was tempting. It's like he knew I needed the trip. "Absolutely."

 _6 Hours Prior_

We had taken "tester" pieces of the brownies we made for tonight to make sure they were good. It had been about a half hour since we took them and we were just waiting for them to kick in. Lachlan set the table with Jerome as I brought out the lasagna, followed by Mitch bringing out the garlic bread and salad.

"Has it hit you yet?" he whispered to me, taking his seat at the head of the table.

I shook my head, arranging the food and serving utensils in front of me. I felt someone grab onto my hips, pulling me up from my position. "This smells delicious, Kal. You really outdid yourself." He turned me around so that we were face to face and placed a soft kiss onto my forehead.

I rolled my eyes, lightly pushing off of him and into my seat. "You haven't even ate it yet. For all you know it would taste terrible."

"We both know it doesn't though. The sauce was amazing, especially after the secret ingredient I added," Mitch said, winking at . We had gotten to know each other a lot while the guys were at the store. He was really different than I expected him to be and I realized we had an obscene amount in common.

"Of course. That was definitely the game changer," I said, extending my fist for him to bump it. As our fists connect, I felt two very distinct things happened. The first was I felt a very tight grip on my thigh coming from Lachlan, making my body tense up for some reason. The second was what I can only describe as an explosion inside my body, and based on the look on Mitch's face, he felt it too. Instantaneously, we both started laughing. "Fucking finally."

I plopped back down into my seat to be greeted with another squeeze on my thigh. I looked down at Lachlan's hand and looked into his eyes, unable to stop my laughing. "Can I help you?" I asked.

He looked at me almost in disbelief, followed by a face of confusion. His face contorted as he looked between Mitch and I. "Are you fucking high?"

"Absolutely," Mitch responded for us in this strange, little voice. I don't think I had ever heard such a foreign sound, causing me to laugh even more. "We made these pot brownies for tonight and we needed to make sure they were strong enough."

I felt my head moving up and down on it's own, enjoying the trip that was starting. "They're definitely strong enough. Shit, I'm glad it hit us both at the same time." I looked at Mitch, watching as he was staring at the mass of food in front of him. I had forgotten that we were meant to eat and just looking at the food made the hunger hit me hard. "I'm starving! And dinner's ready. Can we eat please?" I took the spatula in my hand, getting ready to cut into the lasagna until I heard a voice in the distance try to pull me out of my trance.

"Kal, can I talk to you before we eat?" Lachlan asked. He looked at me in a way I had never seen him look at me. Was that disappointment? Is he disappointed in me? I nodded and got up, following him down a hall.

"What's up, baby cakes?" I asked, noticing how fully and soft his hair looked right now. My hand followed my eyes and played with his golden locks. It feels softer now than it did last night. My mind drifted to last night, and now all I wanted to do was kiss him.

"Do you think it's a good idea to be this fucked up around people you don't even know?" He asked angrily. I could see veins popping out on his forehead and his temples. He's never looked at me like this. I really didn't like it.

It started making me upset seeing him upset. I pulled my hand from his hair and put it behind my back, getting a little annoyed with him. "Oh calm down. Mitch said it would help me relax, which it is. I feel so chill and comfortable, I can't even be bothered as to whether or not Jerome is giving me death glares."

I could see him recoil a little, not expecting me to say that. "So you noticed?"

I rolled my eyes at him, getting more annoyed. "I'm not an idiot, man. I can tell when I'm not really liked, and I get it. That's why I've been staying out of his way." I looked away from him for a second and then returned my gaze to his crystal blue eyes. I scanned his body in front of me, taking in how his track pants left very little to the imagination and how the tank top he was wearing hugged his abs. I couldn't remember what we were just talking about, all I could think about was how much I wanted his soft, pink lips on me. "You know, when I get high, I get incredibly horny."

I pushed myself against him, pinning his hands down by his sides. I wasn't naive enough to think I was stronger than him, but I could see in his eyes he didn't know how to feel about me taking control like this. "Kali," he breathed my name. I was getting him excited, too. "This isn't a good idea," he said weakly.

"Shh," I whispered, stepping onto my tiptoes so that I could get closer to his ear. "The guys will hear you." I let my hands leave his side as I started messing with the hem of his pants. I dropped down to my natural height, feeling him bend down slightly to meet his lips with mine. I couldn't resist teasing him as I felt him grow more excited in my hand.

I heard him groan and pull away from the kiss, leaving me feeling empty. I could feel myself pout, wanting to keep going. "We can't do this right now, love, but after the countdown tonight, I'm all yours."

I placed another kiss on his lips, slowly removing my hands from his body. "I'm holding you to that, baby cakes." I followed him as he walked back towards the dining room, my hand held tightly in his. I couldn't wait to have him all to myself later tonight.

 _1 Minute Prior_

I watched the ball begin to descend on the screen in front of me, a scene that I usually watched with my family in New York. I looked around, excited to be experiencing these with new people who I felt would be in my life for at least a little while. I felt Lachlan grab my hand and turn me towards him.

I couldn't help but smile at him. He looked so incredibly handsome in his blazer and skinny jeans and I was so incredibly lucky to be standing here with him. "It's almost time! To think I'll be bringing in the new year with my new friend." I bit my lip at him, holding on to his hand a little tighter.

He looked at me with a smile and a bright twinkle in his eye. I loved when he looked at me like this. It made me feel light. It made me feel beautiful. "Kali, I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I only have about 50 seconds to do this, so I'll make it quick ok?" I couldn't help but feel excited, intrigued by what he would tell me as I watched the time go down through the corner of my eye. I nodded, begging him to continue. "Ok, so over the past month, I was able to find someone so lovely, so caring, so eternally beautiful and I've realized just how blessed I am for having you. I care so deeply for you, Kal, and I really would move the world for you if you wanted me to. I guess what I'm trying to say her is that I'm falling for you so hard, love, and I want you to be mine."

I felt my heart drop. I froze, not able to really react to what he was saying. I don't want to hurt him, but I know myself, and I'm not ready for that. I couldn't quite pull away, so I looked at him blankly. That's when I realized there was something in his eyes. There was more to his speech. I nodded slightly, asking him to continue.

"As much as I would love to ask you to be my girlfriend right now, Kal, I know neither of us are ready for that. All I'm asking is this: Kali Diaz, may I please take you on a proper date? One where I plan the whole thing and you simply come along for the ride and enjoy it with me? I would love nothing more than to show you a good day, something someone as wonderful as you deserves."

I felt my face soften as he spoke. I wasn't ready for a full on relationship, but I was ready to keep exploring whatever me and him have going on right now. It wasn't perfect, but it was real. I knew I was still broken, and I knew he was too, but we could work through all that, and we could work through it together. He watched me intently, waiting for a response. I couldn't contain my smile anymore. "Of course I'll go on a date with you, you idiot."

"Happy New Year!" everyone around us shouting, but I couldn't really hear them in that moment. I was in this little bubble with this beautiful creature in front of me. He pulled me into him, his hands travelling to my hair and waist as mine travelled to the back of his next. We kissed, fireworks surrounded us as our lips moved rhythmically to the drowned out celebration around us.

We pulled away, looking into each other's eyes with childlike smiles. "Happy New Year."


	14. Chapter Fourteen: But I Did

**Lachlan**

"Stop kicking me, you dick," I mumbled. I heard an annoyed groan coming from beside me as I felt my arm being pushed off of the person beside me. I managed to open my eyes into thin slits, watching a mass of gray hair and tanned skin disappear from the bed.

I groaned, reaching my arm out into the open air. "Come back to bed, babe," I said weakly.

I felt something soft land on my head, obstructing the little vision I had. "Didn't you say you wanted to leave early today?" I lifted the soft material from my face, realizing it was a pair of sweats. I looked up at Kali, hoping she could tell I was hopelessly confused. "You're kidding, right?"

"What do you mean?" My voice was hoarse and my throat was super dry. I could feel the dehydration set in as I was hit with a massive headache. "Fucking hell, what time is it?"

"It's already noon. You told me last night you wanted to be home by this time. Also, there's a water bottle and pills on the nightstand. Mitch knows you pretty well it seems." I watched as she gathered her belongings, throwing her clothes in her duffle bag. She looked upset, but I couldn't recall anything from the night before so I couldn't figure out what I'd done.

I popped a couple of pills and chugged the water, attempting to recollect anything from the night before. "I think I blacked out."

She chuckled, slipping on a pair of Sidemen track pants I had let her borrow. That's when it had hit me she was naked when she emerged from the bed. We hadn't had sex, had we? "I told you not to eat that brownie after drinking so much. You cross faded in the wrong order, but no, why would my mentee ever listen to me?" She pulled on a tank top and wrapped her hair in a messy bun. She plopped down in the empty spot next to me and gave me a quick kiss.

"Is it not insanely awkward for you to call me mentee after you just got out of bed with me? Might I add, you were completely naked?" I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me so that we were face to face.

She shrugged, playing with the long pieces of my hair. "It's not my fault I like to indulge in your little student/teacher kinks."

I smiled, pulling her onto my chest. "Fuck you, Kal. I don't have any weird kinks."

"Oh yea? Your friend down here seems to disagree."

"For fuck's sake! I just woke up, let me be." I felt her laugh against my chest. "But seriously, anything crazy happen last night?"

She readjusted herself so that she was comfortably lying on my chest yet holding me at the same time. "Well, you got hella confident on the dance floor. I really wanted to know who you thought you were." I could feel her smiling. "From our first date, I would have never guessed you knew how to dance."

I smiled. Unbeknownst to her, I had taken some private lessons from her friend, Brandon, all last week. I told him to keep it to himself, and it seems like he did. I definitely needed to properly thank him the next time we hung out.

"You also decided that you really wanted to go for a swim at four in the morning," she said laughing. "Do you know how difficult it was for little ass me to get big ass you out of your fancy clothes and then out of the pool? Extremely so, especially when you keep yelling that mermaids can't be taken out of the ocean. You're fuckin ridiculous when you're drunk."

I kissed her head, playing with some loose strands. "I think I sound charming."

"Oh of course. You know when you're the most charming?" I shook my head, hoping she could feel the movement since she wasn't looking in my direction. "When I have to get you into the shower since I couldn't stand the idea of sleeping next to the smell of chlorine."

I felt myself freeze. "We showered together?" How could I not remember that?

"Yes, we did, and before you start hating yourself for not remembering, no, nothing happened. We didn't have sex last night." I felt my body relax, relieved at her statement.

"Thank God. I don't think I could forgive myself for forgetting that. I'm already pissed I missed seeing you all soapy."

"A few things: One," she said, lifting up her hand as she counted off her points. "The shower wasn't what you think. It wasn't sexy or a tease. We literally just bathed together so I could make sure you didn't hurt yourself. And two, if we had sex, there's no way you could forget."

I chuckled, pushing her hand away from my face. "Someone sounds a bit cocky."

"I prefer the term confident in my abilities,'' she said, turning her head to look at me.

I bit my lip. Her eyes filled with lust as she spoke. "I can't wait to test them out."

She cocked her head, her hand travelling down my chest and to my waist. "Why do you think we planned to leave so early?"

"Can I come inside yet?" I heard Kali call from my living room.

"Just a few more minutes! I want this to be perfect, ok?" I called back, dimming the lights in the room as I lit the vanilla scented candles around the room and looked for the perfect playlist to gently play in the background. I settled for a really soft R&B instrumental playlist I found on Spotify, hoping it would set the perfect mood for the two of us. I had stopped and picked up some flower petals while Kali was asleep in the car ride here and sprinkled them around the room, creating a trail to the bed. This is about as romantic as I can make the scene in such short notice, so I hoped Kali liked it. Lastly, I slipped into some black Calvin Klein boxer briefs, ones that I knew she liked me in, and placed a robe over them.

I did one more once over of the room and felt content with the atmosphere of the room. I took a deep breath and opened the door, expecting to find Kali by the door but instead saw her in the kitchen, playing on her phone while eating Nutella spread on Ritz crackers. I cleared my throat with a wide smirk on my face as I saw a guilty expression come across hers.

She chewed quickly and swallowed. "You were taking too long and I got hungry."

I walked over to her, grabbing her hands and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Why am I not even mildly surprised?" I slowly guided her towards my room, my heart pounding with anticipation. I watched as she looked around, a smile spreading across her face.

And then she laughed. "What is all this?"

My face dropped. "What do you mean? I was trying to make it romantic for you."

She chuckled and shook her head. "You didn't need to do all this. I just want to be with you, you know that?"

I bit my lip, my face turning a little more serious. "Then what's stopping you?" I ask, closing the distance between us and pressing my mouth against hers. She deepened the kiss, pushing me down onto the bed as she straddled me. I felt her undo the tie on my robe as I slipped off her tank top. "Is this really happening?"

"Shut up, Lachlan," she said with a sexy laugh. She slid off her track pants, leaving us both in our underwear. I picked her up and pulled her up towards the center of my bed, our hands wandering over each other's bodies. I felt my heart quicken and my blood pulse throughout my body.

Then she stopped kissing me back. "Is everything ok, love?"

She shook her head, her eyebrows furrowed. "Something doesn't seem right. This is just not how I expected this to happen. It doesn't feel organic, you know?"

I bit my lip, quickly realizing we were definitely having sex. My body felt cold and exposed, but I still pulled her in close to me to make her feel a little more comfortable. "We can wait, Kal. I don't want to rush you."

"It's not that. I'm ready, believe me. I just want it to be real and random, not some planned ordeal. I feel like that deviates from how we've done things up until this point. I like the surprise, I think."

I nodded, seeing her point and agreeing, but still a bit disappointed that I would not be experiencing her. "I get it, Kal. How about we just cuddle and binge watch some shows?"

I saw her face light up. "HIMYM?" she exclaimed excitedly.

I smiled, loving the childlike expression that appeared across her features. "HIMYM."

"Wait, so what's the story of the pineapple?" I asked as we finished our fifth consecutive episode. "They never tell us the story of the pineapple."

Kali laughed, as she always does, when I ask questions about the show. "Well I guess you have to keep watching and see."

"It's not fair that you already know what happens and I don't," I said with a pout, crossing my arms across my chest.

Kali looked up from her position on my lap and gave me a playful smile. "Aww sweetie," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice as she pinched my cheek. "Who said life was fair?"

"Fuck you!" I said, laughing as I pushed her and watched her roll off the couch.

"Ouch! That hurt, asshole!" She stood up and almost punched my arm but I caught her fist mid-swing and pinned it to her side.

"That's why you should have been nice!" I said, using my other hand to tickle her in her sides. She shrieked, a mixture of a laugh and scream of panic escaping her mouth.

"Lachlan! Stop it, please!" she yelled, her voice becoming redder and redder. She tried to push my hand away but I grabbed it with my spare hand, bringing both arms above her head as I clasped them both with my left and straddled her, my legs pinning her down as well. "No, Lachlan. Let's talk about this, ok? I'll explain the pineapple thing!"

I felt a smile cross my face as the panic settled on hers. I shook my head and gently placed my hand on her stomach. "It's too late for that now." I began to tickle her again and she shrieked even louder, her legs kicking under me. I began to laugh along with her, mine sounding a lot less frantic than hers. The words she was yelling were inaudible.

"Please!" I finally heard her clearly say.

I stopped tickling her for a moment. "I'm listening."

"You're so mean to me," she said breathlessly, her face slowly beginning to lose it's color.

I bit my lip, my hand travelling from her stomach to her cheek. "Do you really think so?"

I watched as her eyes drifted from mine to my lips. She unconsciously licked her lips, making my heart rate quicken just a bit. "I don't know," she breathed.

We just stared at each other for a few seconds, waiting for one of us to make a move before I realized I was the one in control of the situation. I brought my mouth to hers, never releasing her arms from above her head. The kiss quickly turned more intense as I let my hand play with the hem of her shirt until her heard her mumble a 'yes' against my lips, allowing me to pull it up, releasing her hands so that I could pull it above her head. She did the same to me, pulling off the thin white t-shirt I had been wearing.

"My God, you're so beautiful." I whispered, pulling her onto my lap so that her legs were on either side of me. I kissed her roughly, my desire for her becoming impossible to ignore. I fiddled with the clasp of her bra, waiting for her signal that it was ok for me to remove it. Instead of sending me a sign, she reached back with one hand and unclasped it and slid it off in one swift motion. I pulled away from the kiss for a moment, taking in the vision before me. Every inch of this girl was truly incredible.

I grabbed her by the back of her thighs, lifting her up into the air. I felt her arms wrap around my neck and pull me into another kiss. I carried her into my bedroom and threw her onto the bed, pulling her pants and underwear off at once. She propped herself up on her elbows with her eyebrow cocked, scanning the length of my body and stopping at the strained bulge beneath my sweats. I grasped beneath my underwear, pulling everything down together. Kali and I just looked at each other, both of us fully aware of what was about to happen and equally as eager to start.

"Lachlan," I heard her say softly before me. I nodded slowly, my eyes tracing every inch of her exposed body. "Don't make me wait."

We laid together for what seemed like an eternity in a comfortable silence. I gently played with her hair, humming a song I couldn't quite name.

"Stop staring at me," she said whilst facing the opposite direction as she laid on my chest.

"How did you even know I was looking at you?"

"Because I know you and your creepy tendencies," she mumbled. I could hear the smile on her face.

"I'd prefer the term endearing," I say quietly, closing my eyes and resting my head against the pillow behind me.

"Sure, sure," she said dismissively. I felt her shift and I watched her curvy body lift from the bed and head towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower really quick. I'll be out in a few."

I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see see me and just closed my eyes, thinking about the intimate moment Kali and I had just shared. I know I wasn't fully in love with her just yet, but this is definitely the closest to feeling it I had even come before. I felt my body slowly drift off to sleep before it was interrupted by a message tone. It didn't sound like mine, so it had to be Kali's. I closed my eyes again, ignoring it and attempting to fall asleep again. I was once again interrupted by a message tone, this time two messages coming in back to back. I sighed, reluctantly getting up to put the phone on silent so that I could get some proper sleep. That was, of course, until I saw his name show up on the screen.

 **REESE:** _Sorry for getting back to you so late. Yes that movie does look good. I'm down to watch it. And also this is for Tuesday right? With dinner after?_

 **REESE:** _I have to head back to Gainesville on Friday so there is some wiggle room just in case we have to readjust_

 **REESE:** _I wouldn't want to interrupt any plans you have con el blanquito_

I felt my hands ball into fists as I placed her phone back where I had found it. I quickly threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and sat silently on my bed, wringing my hands together as my mind began to wander. Kali is going on a date with her ex-boyfriend after she had agreed to go on a date with me. She knows how I feel and continues to disregard and downplay my feelings. Maybe what Alex said had some weight to it. Was I letting myself be toyed around with? Was I becoming a back up option now that Reese was back in the picture? I'm nobody's bitch, and maybe Kali needed to be reminded of that.

I felt my jaw clench as I began to rock back and forth. I know I'm reverting back to my old ways, but I couldn't help it. I stared at the door, waiting for Kali to get out of the bathroom. I tried to relax as I heard the shower turn off. I slid my hands into my pockets and relaxed my jaw, not wanting to make the change in my demeanor obvious.

Moments later, she emerged from the bathroom, her hair damp and a towel hung loosely around her chest. She gave me a smile, walking towards me and placing a kiss on my lips that I couldn't bring myself to return. I guess she hadn't noticed the change in my mood, so I tried to smile back.

She walked over to her duffle bag, dropping the towel from her body as she pulled on a sports bra over her head. I looked away, unable to watch her because of how disgusted I felt. Instead, I continued to look towards the bathroom door. I cleared my throat before speaking, already knowing this conversation wouldn't end well. "So, I was thinking," I paused, giving her a moment to cover up a bit so that I could look back at her. At this point she had managed to slide on a pair of leggings as well. "For our first proper date, I was thinking Tuesday would be perfect."

She looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "This Tuesday?" I nodded. "Doesn't that seem kind of sudden?"

I shook my head, giving her a knowing smirk. "I don't think so. Plus, the sooner we have our first proper date, the sooner we can have other ones to follow."

She gave me a sad smile. "Lachlan, that's really sweet, but I actually already have plans that night." She pulled an oversized, long sleeve shirt over her head and adjusted it until she was comfortable.

"Oh, that's fine. Do you mind if I ask with whom?" Her smile fell and she froze. She opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off before she could. "Oh, duh. Don't you have a date with your fuckin ex-boyfriend? How silly of me. How could I forgot?" I paused again, looking at her with disgust in my eyes. "Oh yea, because you never told me."

"Lachlan, it's really not a big deal. It's nothing romantic or anything. We're meeting as friends."

"Just friends like we're just friends, right Kali?"

Her face contorted in confusion. "Why would you say that? You know how I feel about you."

"Do I, Kali? Do I really? You have a really fucked up way of showing it. Have you ever confidently told me how you felt about me? Have you? I really want to know." She stared at me, dumbfounded. I could see the tears forming in my her eyes. I know I was going too far but my anger wouldn't let me stop talking. "Do you actually even give a fuck about me, or are you just using me like Jerome thought you were?"

"Are you serious right now? Do you know what we just did? You know how special that is to me. You know what that means to me."

"Oh, you mean fucking? That proves nothing. I should know. Do you know how many girls I've fucked that meant nothing to me? More than I can possibly count." I could see the tears visibly falling from her eyes now. Part of me wanted to wipe them away, but I couldn't move my body to do it.

"Why are you being like this?" she cried, wiping the tears from her face. She began walking toward me but I just pulled away. She stopped in her tracks and just nodded. "Fine, but I didn't do anything wrong and I know that. Maybe I could have mentioned the fact that I was meeting up with Reese, but I didn't need to because you're not my fuckin boyfriend, Lachlan. We're not together and I don't owe you that."

I felt my body tense up. "Fuck you, Kali. I know I'm not your boyfriend, but you know I would love to be. I've been waiting for you to be ready for that but maybe I'm not the one that's super fucked up in this relationship. I would have done anything for you, you know that? I'm done being strung along, your pawn in whatever fuckin game your playing. Get over yourself, Kali."

She shook her head, the tears still falling from her eyes. "Fuck this. I don't need this. I'm done. I'm leaving. Feel free to hit me up when you pull your head out of yourself centered ass. I can't promise I'll respond."

 _I knew I shouldn't have treated Kali so terribly, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have just let her leave, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have gone out drinking while I was upset, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have flirted with all those random girls, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have danced with Brandon's friend, Zee, so closely, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have kissed her in the bathroom in the back of the bar, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have gone back to her apartment that night, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have done the things I did that night, but I did._

 **Kali**

I'd been awake since ten, thinking about everything that had happened the night prior. Seeing Lachlan in his natural element was definitely an experience. He seemed so confident, so impulsive, so absolutely irresistible. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, not that it seemed like he wanted me to look away. He was extremely flirtatious and I'm fairly certain that if we weren't at his friends' house, things could have gotten serious last night. I smiled at the thought of him introducing me to all these people who's names I could never remember, or at the the thought of him and Mitch both doing keg stands as Jerome and Jess cheered them on.

I cringed at the thought of Jerome. We didn't have the most pleasant encounter during the party. After Lachlan and Mitch had gotten completely obliterated, he said some things to me that made me uncomfortable. I knew he wasn't that fond of me, but he made it clear that he had no intentions of even trying to trust me, so I distanced myself from him and stayed as close to Lachlan the remainder of the night.

I shook my head, dispersing the uncomfortable feeling that had washed over me. I really had no desire to be in the house any longer. I tried to wake up the sleeping giant that laid beside me. I playfully kicked him, waiting for a reaction but got nothing in response. I tried kicking him a little harder and he stirred a bit. I double kicked him and heard him huff. "Stop kicking me, you dick." I gave up and lifted his arm from my waist and got out of bed. "Come back to bed, babe."

I let out a soft giggle and tossed his sweats onto him. "Didn't you say you wanted to leave early today?" I caught a glimpse of his face. His eyes were glassy from lack of sleep but you could tell he was confused. I tilted my head in annoyance. "You're kidding, right?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice coming out hoarse and raspy. He winced in pain, the hangover looking like it hit him suddenly. "Fucking hell, what time is it?"

I clenched my jaw in frustration but tried to relax, letting out a deep sigh. "It's already noon. You told me last night you wanted to be home by this time. Also, there's a water bottle and pills on the nightstand. Mitch knows you pretty well it seems." I started packing up my clothes, trying to leave as quickly as possible.

"I think I blacked out," he uttered after taking the aspirin.

I laughed as I began to get dressed. "I told you not to eat that brownie after drinking so much. You cross faded in the wrong order, but no, why would my mentee ever listen to me?" I wrapped my hair into a bun and sat beside him, giving him a quick peck.

He gave me a smirk. "Is it not insanely awkward for you call me mentee after you just got out of bed with me? Might I add, you were completely naked?" He asked as he pulled me down next to him so that we were face to face.

I shrugged it off, mindlessly playing with his blond locks. "It's not my fault I like to indulge in your little student/teacher kinks."

"Fuck you, Kal. I don't have any weird kinks," he said as he readjusted us so that my head was laying on his chest.

I looked straight ahead, seeing that he was already a little excited. "Oh yea? Your friend down here seems to disagree."

"For fuck's sake! I just woke up, let me be. But seriously, anything crazy happen last night?"

I wrapped my arms around him, recollecting all the crazy things he had done and tried to word it in a way that wouldn't seem too terrible. "Well, you got hella confident on the dance floor. I really wanted to know who you thought you were. From our first date, I would have never guessed you knew how to dance." I smiled at this, remembering how focused he was as he would spin me and quietly mumble to counts to himself. He wasn't exactly great, but I could tell he was trying extremely hard. As I recalled more of that evening, I laughed remembering this idiot screaming how he wanted to be the Australian Michael Phelps. "You also decided that you really wanted to go for a swim at four in the morning. Do you know how difficult it was for little ass me to get big ass you out of your fancy clothes and then out of the pool? Extremely so, especially when you keep yelling that mermaids can't be taken out of the ocean. You're fuckin ridiculous when you're drunk."

I felt him kiss my head, wondering if he recalls any of the madness that ensued. "I think I sound charming."

"Oh of course. You know when you're the most charming? When I have to get you into the shower since I couldn't stand the idea of sleeping next to the smell of chlorine." This is the one part I wasn't completely truthful about. While I wasn't keen on sleeping with the scent of bleach all night, I was even less keen on sleeping next to the smell of vomit. I knew if I told him he threw up on himself during the party, he'd never want to leave the room. It was lucky that Mitch and I were the only ones who noticed and we were able to get him into the bathroom and undressed. It's a little detail I asked Mitch to not bring up again for the sake of our friend.

"We showered together?" Lachlan asked, ripping me from my thoughts.

I smiled at his concern, knowing where his mind was probably wandering to. "Yes, we did, and before you start hating yourself for not remembering, no, nothing happened. We didn't have sex last night."

"Thank God. I don't think I could forgive myself for forgetting that. I'm already pissed I missed seeing you all soapy."

"A few things: One, the shower wasn't what you think. It wasn't sexy or a tease. We literally just bathed together so I could make sure you didn't hurt yourself. And two, if we had sex, there's no way you could forget."

I heard him laugh behind me as I felt the smile tug at my lips. "Someone sounds a bit cocky."

"I prefer the term confident in my abilities,'' I said, turning so that we were making eye contact.

"I can't wait to test them out," he said as he bit his lip.

I cocked my head in response, letting my hand run along his thin frame. "Why do you think we planned to leave so early?"

His eyes widened in response as he pushed me from my spot on top of him to the bed. He jumped up, opting to skip boxers and instead just sliding on the sweat pants. He quickly packed his bag and pulled out a long sleeve shirt. I couldn't help but laugh at how frantic he was acting until he stopped and looked at me. I froze, biting my lip to hold back another laugh. "What's so funny?"  
"I've never seen you move so fast," I giggled, bringing my hand to my mouth.

He smiled and sat back next to me in the bed. "Kali, you know how much you mean to me right?" I blushed, nodding. "I'm just feel honored that you feel comfortable enough with me to move on to this next step. I really would wait forever, but let's be real, I'm a guy. You can't mention the prospect of having sex with someone as beautiful as you and expect me to remain calm." We both laughed as I gave him a playful shove. "Are you sure you're ready? I don't want you to feel any extra pressure just because you know I want to."

"Lachlan, I really do like you, but don't think I would agree to anything I'm not ready for just because you're kind of cute."

He frowned. "I like to think of myself as incredibly dashing, thank you very much."

I rolled my eyes as I lifted myself from the bed. "Fine, you're a solid ok looking dude, but you're not getting anything more out of me. Now hurry up and brush your teeth. I can't kiss you anymore with that morning breathe."

I heard him run up behind me and carry me bridal style into the bathroom, both of us laughing like children. I was falling for this boy, and I was ok with it.

I was still in disbelief that Lachlan and I had sex. It was something I had dreamed about as a fan, and only once or twice since actually meeting him. He was so gentle in the beginning, treating me like a was too fragile to touch. I felt like I was on Cloud 9, the feeling of his fingers and lips dancing along my skin and the euphoria pulsing through my body. It only began to intensify as time went on, progressing from slow and delicate to more rhythmic and passionate. He was perfect through the entire experience, light hearted and natural, just like I had always pictured it. He wasn't scared to laugh when things got awkward, as they always do during your first time with someone, and it made the moment that much more magical.

I was thankful that I was on the pill, because during the heat of the moment, neither of us had even considered protection. Unfortunately that wasn't a conversation we had until after the fact, but we both agreed that we would be more mindful in the future, smiling at the thought of this occurring more often in the future.

We laid together, the majority of my body overlapping his. I felt him playing with my hair, humming the song I had been humming the first night we met, _500 Miles_ by Sleeping at Last. I smiled, wondering if he had even realized that's the song he was thinking about. The soothing mix made my eyes heavy as I felt myself drift in and out of sleep.

I felt him looking at me, as he always did when we laid together. "Stop staring at me."

"How did you even know I was looking at you?" he asked softly.

"Because I know you and your creepy tendencies," I mumbled through a smile.

"I'd prefer the term endearing."

"Sure, sure," I said as I began to wake up fully. I got up and stretched, heading towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower really quick. I'll be out in a few." I looked back to see him settled in his bed, clearly fighting sleep himself. I smiled as I shut the door behind me and examined myself in the mirror. I had purple little spots all over my torso and neck, evidence that Lachlan was trying to mark his territory. I smiled and shook my head at the ridiculous notion and turned on the water, testing it out to make sure it was warm enough before entering. I stood under the flowing water for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling before finally massaging the water through my hair so that I could wash it.

I thought about the beautiful blond boy while I showered. Not in a creepy, sexual way, but just about how happy I've been since meeting him. My mind had drifted to that dark place while I was away, but I hadn't had any negative thoughts the entire day, and I really did have Lachlan to thank for that. He treated me like a royalty, and it made me feel special knowing he really cared for me.

I thought about the adventures we'd have while I lathered the conditioner into my hair, the places we'd go and the people we'd meet. The prospect of him becoming such an integral part of my life truly excited me, and I knew I had to let him know that's how I was feeling. I quickly cleaned my body, suddenly feeling empty without Lachlan beside me. I wanted to crawl back into bed and cuddle him while watching cheesy movies. I wanted to do anything as long as I was beside him.

I rinsed off and dried my hair as much as possible before wrapping the towel around my body. I walked out of the bathroom and immediately felt the tension in the air. I wasn't sure if perhaps his parents called while I was in the bathroom and ruined his mood or not, but his energy was definitely different. I put on a smile and gave him a quick kiss, hoping it could serve as a bit of a distraction, but quickly realized that failed when he didn't return the sign of affection. He did, however, offer a fake smile.

I wanted to comfort him, so I attempted to get dressed quickly. He stared straight ahead at the bathroom door, his mind clearly not with me at the moment. I heard him clear his throat and my eyes shot up to his profile. His eyes were still trained ahead as he began to speak. "So I was thinking," he said in a low voice. He finally locked eyes with me before continuing. "For our first proper date, I was thinking Tuesday would be perfect."

His request seemed oddly timed and out of place. That couldn't possibly be why he's acting so strange. I played along, hoping he would open up about what's on his mind after this conversation was over. "This Tuesday?" He nodded. "Doesn't that seem kind of sudden?"

He shook his head, giving me a more confident smile. "I don't think so. Plus, the sooner we have our first proper date, the sooner we can have other ones to follow."

The thought made my heart flutter, but then it suddenly stopped when I remembered I had already made plans to meet with Reese that evening. I gave him an apologetic smile as I spoke. "Lachlan, that's really sweet, but I actually already have plans that night," I said as I finished getting dressed.

He gave me an understanding nod. "Oh, that's fine. Do you mind if I ask with whom?" I felt my smile fall as my voice got stuck in my throat. I didn't plan on telling Lachlan because I didn't want to hurt him, especially with his past tendencies seeming to resurface, but I suppose there was no use in hiding it anymore. "Oh, duh," he said, before I had the chance to speak. "Don't you have a date with your fuckin ex-boyfriend? How silly of me. How could I forgot?" His eyes were dark, the look they held was sinister. "Oh yea, because you never told me."

"Lachlan, it's really not a big deal. It's nothing romantic or anything. We're meeting as friends," I tried to explain.

"Just friends like we're just friends, right Kali?"

I felt like a ton of bricks had just fallen on me. What was he trying to imply? "Why would you say that? You know how I feel about you."

He scoffed at me. "Do I, Kali? Do I really? You have a really fucked up way of showing it. Have you ever confidently told me how you felt about me? Have you? I really want to know." I looked at him in awe. Who was he right now? Was this the real Lachlan? His face was turning red, his voice changed into something a little more demented. "Do you actually even give a fuck about me, or are you just using me like Jerome thought you were?"

My heart was pounding fast and I could feel the wetness threatening my eyes, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of making me cry. I couldn't give that to the monster he was becoming in front of me. "Are you serious right now? Do you know what we just did? You know how special that is to me. You know what that means to me."

"Oh, you mean fucking? That proves nothing. I should know. Do you know how many girls I've fucked that meant nothing to me? More than I can possibly count."

With his words, I couldn't control my tears anymore. I felt them fall down my cheeks, and I let them. "Why are you being like this?" I had to understand what had turned in him. I tried getting closer to him, and he jerked away. I looked at him, and fully realized he wasn't the person I thought he was. "Fine, but I didn't do anything wrong and I know that. Maybe I could have mentioned the fact that I was meeting up with Reese, but I didn't need to because you're not my fuckin boyfriend, Lachlan. We're not together and I don't owe you that."

I saw him tense up. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say when he was angry, but man, was it satisfying. If he wanted to play this fucked up little game with me, he would at least get a little bit himself. "Fuck you, Kali. I know I'm not your boyfriend, but you know I would love to be. I've been waiting for you to be ready for that but maybe I'm not the one that's super fucked up in this relationship. I would have done anything for you, you know that? I'm done being strung along, your pawn in whatever fuckin game your playing. Get over yourself, Kali."

I shook my head, ignoring the harsh lies he made himself believe. "Fuck this. I don't need this. I'm done. I'm leaving. Feel free to hit me up when you pull your head out of your self centered ass. I can't promise I'll respond." I packed up my belongings as quickly as possible while he sat on his bed, watching me intently with his jaw clenched. I grabbed my bag and stormed out of his apartment, never looking back to see if he was behind me, though I had doubted it.

As I began walking down the sidewalk of his complex, it finally hit me that he had picked me up from my place when I got back to Orlando, so I was carless. Perfect. I requested an Uber to pick up by the front of his complex, already knowing that all my friends were still out of town.

 _Well, there is always me_ , I heard his voice creep into my head. I laughed, knowing he'd be so willing to pick me up and be my savior, but next to Lachlan, Reese was the last person I wanted to see right now. I walked to the curb and waited the six minutes it took for the Uber to get there before being saved from this little round about I'd realized I may never see again. I placed my bags in the car beside me and didn't look back.

 _I knew I shouldn't have kept my meeting with Reese from Lachlan, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have left him on such bad terms, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have smoked so much when I got home, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have trusted the supply of a random dealer I didn't know, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have picked up my razor and placed it on my skin, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have made so many little slices along my arms, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have enjoyed the pain so much, but I did._

 _I knew I shouldn't have done the things I did that night, but I did._


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Shouldn't Have Said It

**Lachlan**

 _I found myself in a strange darkness, the sound of soft Spanish music slowly getting louder and louder as I wander around the area. I emerge from the darkness, now being drowned in a sea of people. I see a tall, muscular, darker skinned man walking towards me. His hair was pulled back into tight braids and he looked familiar, though I couldn't come up with his name until he was closer. He smiled at me, extending his hands out for a manly hug. "Glad you could make it out, Lachlan," he said._

 _Brandon. This was Brandon's face. I knew this guy._

 _"Hey B, thanks for the invite!" I followed him over to a table where his girlfriend, Veronica sat with a brunette that seemed familiar._

 _"Of course! Is KD with you?" I shook my head, trying to maintain a natural smile. "Ahh, maybe next time. She doesn't go out much anymore but I thought maybe with you she'd change her mind." I felt an uncomfortable feeling sink in my stomach as he slid in next to his girlfriend, motioning for me to sit across from him. "Oh well, you remember Zee, right?"_

 _Zee. Her name was Zee. I wouldn't describe her as beautiful, but she was definitely sexy. Her hair was a soft brown and laid pin straight down her back. She was tall, only a few inches shorter than me with her heels on. She wore a long, leather fitted skirt and a nude, skin tight halter top, exposing her cleavage and making it extremely difficult for me to look away. She knew she looked good and she wasn't afraid to show it._

 _I blinked and it seemed like time had jumped forward. I was in a little box of a room. I was incredibly drunk and my vision was blurring. There was a toilet behind me and it hit me that I was in the bathroom. I went to open the door but instead, it swung open and Zee entered the box with me, locking the door behind her. I felt her wrap her arms around me and seductively kiss on my neck. It felt nice, but it didn't feel right. Despite the ill feeling, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed her against me. She looked into my eyes and gave me a smirk. She reached up and bit my lip, slowly sucking on it until I leaned forward and kissed her deeply. The kiss was nice. It made me feel needed and important, but it still didn't feel right. Why did this all feel so wrong?_

I woke up from the strange dream, finding it weird that I was dreaming of Kali's friends. I began to stretch and was immediately met with an uneasy feeling. I looked around and saw a lilac painted wall with a mounted television and a white dresser placed against it.

Where the fuck was I? I looked around, trying to find a picture or something to give me a hint as to where I was. I lifted the comforter from my torso and looked down, realizing I was in nothing but a pair of boxers. What had I done last night?

Just as I began to get frantic, the door opened, exposing Zee walking inside the room with my white undershirt and a glass of water and a bowl of cereal. "Looks like you finally woke up," she said with a sultry smile, handing the bowl to me. "It's Fruit Loops. You mentioned last night that you liked them so I figured it'd make a decent breakfast." She placed a kiss on my lips before sliding into the bed beside me.

I stared at the bowl in my hands as the imprint of her lips burned against my cheek. It wasn't a dream that I had, it was my memories replaying back. "Zee," I said, my voice coming out hoarse and strained. She looked at me, her hazel eyes shining and her full, red lips curled into a seductive smile. "I don't mean to come off as a dick, but what exactly happened last night? The last thing I remember is, um, the bathroom at the bar." I could feel my face begin to turn red.

Her smile remained on her face as she began to laugh. "I'm glad I left an impression," she said with a playful pout. "Well, we had a pretty good time in the bathroom, but you asked if we could come back to mine." I felt her hand touch my leg as she began to creep a little closer. "We didn't sleep together last night because we were both pretty hammered, but there's always morning fun." She cocked her eyebrow at me, grabbing the bowl from my hand and placing it on her nightstand. She started moving her hand up my thigh and kissed on my neck.

I immediately tensed up and moved away. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"You thought it was last night."

"I'm sorry but I wasn't thinking last night. This isn't right. I have to go."

She stormed out of the bed and blocked the door as I began to get dressed. "What? Are you gonna go and run back to fuckin Kali? Did you already forget she was supposed to meet with Reese?"

I froze and looked at her, my anger rising again. "What the hell did you just say?"

"You heard me. You wouldn't shut up about about her last night. Kind of a mood killer, by the way," she said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms across her chest.

I felt my chest tightened as I tried to calm down. The last thing I wanted to do is to snap again. "I really need to leave." I zipped up my pants and slid on my shoes. I grabbed my button up shirt and felt for my phone, keys, and wallet in pockets, making sure they were still there. "Can I have my shirt back please?"

"Oh this?" she asked playing with the hem of my shirt. She lifted it over her head and exposed her bare chest and lace boyshorts. I looked away and extended my hand. "We could still have some fun, Lachy?"

I cringed at the uncomfortable nickname and took the shirt from her hand. "I don't think that's the best idea. Last night was a mistake and we both know that."

She grimaced as I pulled the shirt on over my head. "What do you mean a mistake?"

"Like you said, I wouldn't stop talking about Kali. I should go. I really am sorry," I said with a weak smile as I slid behind her and left the apartment. I walked outside, completely confused as to where I was. I ordered an Uber and wandered towards the direction of the main office. I checked my phone, seeing I had a text from Kali. The time stamp indicated it was sent about an hour ago and that there was an attachment. My finger danced above the open button before I finally gained enough courage to see what she had said.

 **KALI:** _She figured out who you were. I convinced her not to post the picture anywhere and asked her to delete it, but I don't know if she will. I'm glad you enjoyed your evening so much. Goodbye, Lachlan._

My heart dropped as I looked at the picture attached. It was a picture of me sleeping and Zee laying in front of me. We were both under the covers and it appeared we were both naked, though I know I at least had underwear on. Despite the fact that Zee told me we hadn't had sex, I honestly wasn't sure and considering the fact she was planning to expose me to the internet, she could easily be lying.

I sighed, trying to recollect everything that had occurred yesterday. I had let my past issues get the best of me and I chased Kali away, yet she was still looking out for me. Why did I react the way I did? Why didn't I let her explain her side civilly and actually listen? Why do I always let my insecurities get in the way of my happiness? I mentally cursed myself as I looked at my phone, wanting to talk to Kali and apologize for everything, but I didn't want to do it through the phone.

 **LACHLAN:** _Thank you for letting me know Kali. You didn't need to protect me but you did and I really appreciate it. Do you think we could meet up soon? I'd really like to talk to you. I really want to talk about yesterday._

I looked at my phone and questioned whether or not to hit send before reluctantly pressing the button as my Uber arrived. I sat in the backseat in silence, wondering if I had made the right decision.

It had been a few hours since I texted Kali, and I still haven't heard anything back. It was making me nervous, fully aware that I didn't know how she reacted in situations like this. The one time we did fight was after our first date at Downtown Disney when she confessed she knew who I was and hadn't told me. She was responsive when I reached out to her, but the circumstances were also completely different, though it amazed me that every time I snapped she was there to look out for me, even when I didn't know I needed it.

"So how have the meetings been going?" Vikk asked in the discord chat, snapping me out of my daze. We had just finished recording a New Year's special of some Minecraft minigames with the rest of the Pack.

"They've been really good. My individual meeting got pushed to tomorrow because of the holiday but I'm kind of excited. I wanted to open up about my anger and jealousy issues since I feel like they've been resurfacing a little," I said, scanning Mitch and Jerome's faces for reactions. Mitch had sympathetic eyes as I knew he felt guilty for mentioning it to Kali. Jerome's expression, however, showed a bit of relief, almost like he was glad that I was coming to terms with my issues, or something like satisfaction, showing that he knew Kali was fucking me up. Either way, I hated him looking so smug.

"Well that's awesome, dude!" Rob exclaimed, throwing his hands up enthusiastically. "Definitely let us know how it goes. I like seeing you progress."

"Same here. And if you ever need a holiday or anything to get away from the nonsense, you can always fly out here. You said you can Skype your one on ones, right?" Vikk asked through the screen with hopeful eyes. I smiled at his offer, knowing he'd wanted me to visit again since I couldn't stay too long when I went for Upload.

"I'll definitely see what I can do, man. That is of course if the guys don't mind me crashing over there again."

He rolled his eyes. "They'll be fine. They love having you around even if they act like ass holes around you. You can even bring Kali if you want! I'd love to meet her."

I winced at the mention of her, hoping it wasn't obvious to the guys. I wanted to talk to them about what had happened, but I didn't want to do it in front of Jerome. Luckily, as if like clockwork, Jerome had said he had to leave the discord to record a solo episode for his second channel, so we all said bye as he disconnected from the call.

"Um, so I actually wanted to talk to you guys about something, but please don't mention it around Jerome. I know he doesn't like Kali and I don't want him having any other reasons to, ok?" I watched as my friends nodded, my eyes lingering on Mitch as I knew he had the most interaction with him.

"Of course, dude. Our lips are sealed. Is everything ok?" Preston asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Not really. I think I may have overreacted a bit about something, but I also think I kind of deserve to be angry."

They all gave me confused but understanding looks, urging me to go on.

"Ok so Kali found out about my past, like the anger issues, bulimia, and all of that shit and she was completely understanding which was great. At midnight, I basically professed my feelings for her and told her I'd like to be her boyfriend but I knew she wasn't ready so I just asked her to go on a proper date with me which she agreed to. So everything was going great after that. We went back to my apartment and just hung out and we um," I paused, wondering if I should tell them that we had been intimate. I felt my face going red at the thought as I tried to analyze why I was so embarrassed to tell them I had slept with her even though I had never minded telling them before.

"Oh my god you guys had sex, didn't you?" Rob exclaimed excitedly while the other boys just cheered in approval. "Props to you for finally laying it down."

"Finally! I've been waiting for this to happen. I'm surprised it took you so long." Vikk said laughing "It's so unlike you."

"It's because he's falling in love," Preston sang gleefully.

"Shut the fuck up guys. Yea we had sex, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." Their faces fell as they watched my anger rise. I tried to calm down before I continued, wanting to have a level headed conversation about the events of last night and this morning. "Sorry about that."

They all looked at me and nodded, accepting my minor blow up, something I feel they've unfortunately had to grow accustomed to.

I sighed, regretting how I must have treated them in the past and wondered if I had been like this recently as well without noticing. I pushed the thought to the side, proceeding with my recollection of the night before.

"So when she went to shower, she got some texts from her ex basically saying they were going to meet up and shit and it pissed me off. She should have told me about it, right?"

They considered the question, before Preston finally spoke up. "I think so. Like if you guys are working towards something, she shouldn't hide stuff like that from you."

"Yea, but you have to think about it from her perspective," Mitch said. "She had just found out about Lachlan's anger and jealousy issues and she didn't know the extent of it. She didn't know about the holes in your walls or your extreme overprotective tendencies so she could have kept it to protect you from yourself and honestly herself as well."

I clenched my jaw at what Mitch said, recalling the things she'd said and how much restraint I had to demonstrate to not hit something. He could have been onto something, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

"Well what did the messages say? I feel like that's important," Vikk inquired.

I shook my head, seeing the messages vividly in my head. They weren't overtly romantic and could easily be something strictly platonic, but they had history so how could you keep it friendly? "They were supposed to meet up for a movie and dinner. He said something about being able to change the date if needed to accommodate me basically, but I couldn't tell if he was being sincere when he said that or not. It's just fuckin with me because at the Christmas party he basically gave me his blessing to pursue Kali and now this is happening."

"I don't know man," Rob says shaking his head, "it could honestly go either way. Did you talk to Kali about it?"

I felt a lump form in my throat. I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out.

"Lachlan, you didn't," Mitch said, shaking his head.

"I couldn't help it," I said defeatedly. My eyes wandered to the painting she had created for me for Christmas. I felt my heart ache a little, knowing that there would be a chance we'd never create something together again. I looked away, turning my attention back to the screen. "Something snapped inside of me. I yelled at her. I spoke to her so condescendingly. She told me she only kept it to herself because she didn't want to hurt me and didn't want me to overreact. She said she was trying to get her friend back. I accused her of using me like Jerome had said before. I told her our sex meant nothing to me, knowing good and well how much it meant to her. I made her feel like shit and when she finally spoke up to defend herself, I got even more defensive." I felt the tears begin to sting my eyes. "I don't know if I fucked up or not guys. Was I in the wrong?"

I looked over the faces of my four best friends as they all considered what I had just told them. Vikk was the first to nod, followed by Mitch, then Rob, and finally Preston.

"It's rough dude but I think you need to talk to her. Like as soon as humanly possible," Preston said, his voice soft but urgent.

I dropped my head on the desk, knowing it wouldn't be that easy, especially after this morning. "I don't think she's gonna want to talk to me."

"I mean I'm sure it'll take some time but she seems really understanding," Mitch said reassuringly.

I placed my hands on my face, my palms partially covering my mouth. "No, you don't understand. I fucked up," I said in an almost inaudible tone.

Vikk looked at me with confusion. "It was just one incident, I'm sure you guys can get passed-"

"Guys. Stop, please!" I yelled. I brought my voice down to a whisper, almost scared to say it in the fear that it'll make it real. "I might have slept with one of her friends last night. And she knows about it."

"Bro, what the actual fuck," Rob said, shaking his head. "How did that even happen? How could you be so dumb?"

"Gee thanks for the support," I said sarcastically.

"No, that's beyond stupid, man. What were you thinking?" Rob asked, his eyes dark with judgment and disgust.

"I wasn't! I was drunk and I don't even remember going back to her place. I remember kissing her but nothing else after that. I woke up in her bed in my underwear confused as hell. Kali texted me saying that the girl planned on blackmailing me and that she had somehow convinced her not to. She sent me the picture and guys, I don't even know if we had sex or not, but it's not like it matters to her. She'll never trust me again."

"Wait they know you do YouTube?" Preston asked with concern, casually pushing to the side what I had just said.

"Kali obviously knows, but she said the girl figured it out. I don't know what to do about that situation either. I didn't exactly leave her apartment on the most pleasant of terms. That was, of course, before I found out about the picture. I'm such a fucking idiot," I said, burying my head in my hands once again.

"I can't say you're not," Rob mumbled.

"Shut up, Rob, you're not helping," Mitch threatened.

"No, fuck it. You fucked up. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you because you're not a child," Rob said with a scowl. I thought I would get angry by what he said, but instead he made me feel extremely guilty. I knew he was right, we all did, they were all just too scared to confront me about.

"Thanks," I said quietly. My eyes began to water a bit as I truly came to terms with the damage I had done. "You're right. I need to fix this. What do I say to her?"

"Apologize, you dipshit," Vikk mumbled. The other guys chuckled softly as I felt a small smile come across my face. "Sorry, that was meaner than I meant it to be."

"I plan to apologize, I just don't know what to say."

"Go to her apartment and talk to her, I think. Be spontaneous for once," Preston piped in.

"Last time he was spontaneous he got a tattoo," Mitch said with a laugh.

"Fuck you," I said laughing back, looking down at my arm, remembering the completely out of character decision I had made with Kali. "I have to go guys. Gotta girl I have to grovel to."

"Good luck, man. You're gonna need it!" Rob said, waving to the screen before I clicked off.

It took me twenty minutes to get to her apartment. I stopped by the store, picking up a peace offering of our favorite snack to share, chocolate chip cookie dough, hoping that she would think about our first evening together and be willing to speak to me. I cautiously walked to her door, passing by her car so I figured she'd be home. I lifted my hand to knock, hoping her roommates wouldn't be home so that the two of us could be alone.

I knocked three times and waited patiently. Nothing.

I rang the doorbell. Nothing.

I placed my ear against the door and was greeted with silence.

"Kali?" I called out and listened patiently only to be met with the same silence.

I tried calling her phone, and was immediately met with her voicemail. "Hey, Kal. It's me. I just stopped by your apartment and I was just wondering if I could speak to you. I want to talk to you about yesterday. Um, call me when you get the chance and I'll head on over. I guess I'll talk to you later. Bye." I hung up reluctantly, walking towards my car unable to get rid of the uneasy feeling I was left with after walking away from the silent apartment. Where are you Kali?

 **Kali**

I couldn't sleep last night. I sat in my bedroom, leaning against the window as the smoke continued to fill my lungs and then float out of the window. My mind continued to stir as I kept reliving the things Lachlan had said to me. He convinced himself that I was using him. He convinced himself that I was with Reese. He convinced himself that I was someone I wasn't, and I couldn't bring myself to blame him completely.

He's sick, more sick than I had originally thought, so I understood his sudden change in behavior, but I refused to let him make me worse. I needed time and space away from him and most importantly to myself.

I watched as the sun rose before me, admiring the gleam of the of the light against the few trees in my neighborhood. It looked beautiful. I wish I felt as beautiful as the sky looked right now.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned against my window. My body was beginning to feel numb from the lack of sleep, my insane high, and the amount of blood I had lost last night. I mindlessly ran my hands over the multiple, rushed slices scattered across my arms, feeling a pit in my stomach form from the relief of finally letting out the pain I've been feeling but the guilt of retracting back to my old vices after almost four months of not physically hurting myself.

All I could do was stare at them. I wasn't happy or sad or upset in that moment. For the first time in a while, I truly couldn't feel, and I didn't mind it. I let my thoughts drift to the dark place I had been avoiding for so long, no longer caring about the people around me or the attachments they may have had to me. I could end it right now, and I really would have no regrets.

That won't happen of course. I knew I had responsibilities that I needed to tend to, goals I had put forward for myself. I've realized I want to live for me, not for anyone else.

The darkness started to clear a little in my head, some happy memories creeping through as I opened my eyes and glanced over at the photograph Lachlan had given me. I felt a small smile form across my lips. I knew I was falling deeply for him, both with the him I would see on screen and the him I've gotten to know over the past almost four weeks. Even if I never see or hear from him again, I truly hope he ends up happy and healthy. He upset me, but I could still never allow myself to think ill of someone, especially someone I at one point or another cared so deeply for.

"Lachlan," I breathed his name, the memory of his arms around me relaxing my mind, the feel of his hand in mind easing the tension, the sound of his soft snores escaping his mouth acting as a lullaby for me. I snuggled into the oversized university sweater I was wearing, allowing myself to relax enough to sleep for at least a few minutes but not having enough energy to crawl to my bed.

I closed my eyes, my arms propped under my head to elevate it from the floor. I felt myself begin to doze off as I heard my phone ring obnoxiously from beside me, indicating that I had a text. I ignored it at first, but then I received a reminder notification as well as another message. I sighed, blindly reaching for my phone before opening my eyes and looking at the screen. The notification showed they were from Zee, though I learned from yesterday and decided to hide the previews. I realized after I had ordered my Uber that the messages from Reese were displayed on my screen which is more than likely how Lachlan found out about our meeting.

I was skeptical whether I should open her messages or not. It was pretty early in the morning and she almost never texts me, so it could be pretty important. My mind immediately drifted to the worst. What if something happened to Brandon or Ash? I knew she was relatively close to both of them and she partied with them religiously. I felt myself wake up a bit before clicking on my messages and selecting her name.

 **ZEE:** _Looks like I win again, huh KD?_

 **ZEE:** * _Image Preview Loading*_

I stared at the messages, confused as I clicked on the link for the image. I instantly regretted it. It didn't click at first as all I noticed was her annoyingly flawless face appearing across the screen. Her hair was cascading atop her pillow as her hazel eyes twinkled in the picture. Her lips were slightly parted as she casually placed her hand lightly on her cheek. It wasn't until I broke concentration on her face that I noticed the figure behind her. At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I knew instantly who it was.

I recognized the pale skin and blond hair. I recognized his bare shoulders and slightly toned pecks, the comforter covering him just enough so that his scarred arms weren't exposed. I recognized the pinks lips that were slightly parted as I could imagine the light snores escaping him.

I couldn't look away from the picture, my eyes studying his features to ensure it was really him. I felt my phone ring in my hand, her name showing up at the top of the screen. I swallowed the lump in my throat, pressing the back button to see what she had sent.

 **ZEE:** _How much do you think I could get to not post it online? I'm sure it would ruin his pure little internet personality, so it has to be worth something._

 **ZEE:** _Yes, I know he does YouTube and shit. You idiots do realize that if you literally just type in Lachlan on Google, his channel is the first thing that pops up right? Not to mention an insane amount of pictures of him. Your little singing videos are adorbs, by the way._

I read over her messages, my heart sinking at the thought of her exposing him. I felt myself become angry and defensive, pushing aside the betrayal and jealousy I felt at the thought of seeing them in bed together. I carefully considered what I wrote before I sent her anything, knowing how manipulative and conniving she could be.

 **KALI:** _You're right, you win. Just like always, right Zee? Look, I don't care that you slept together, I truly hope the best for the two of you. I think you honestly deserve each other. All I ask is that as a fan and as a person, please don't post that anywhere. It would ruin his career and you would literally have that on your shoulders._

 **KALI:** _You won't be known as the girl that slept with the YouTuber, you'll be known as the girl who ruined the innocence of a bunch of young children who look up to him as a role model. Do you really want that over you?_

I held my breath after sending the messages, knowing that you can never really predict how Zee will react.

 **ZEE:** _The fact that you actually think I care about all of that is cute_

 **ZEE:** _But seriously, I will post this after he wakes up if he doesn't offer to pay me something_

I looked at her message, my stomach tightening as I considered the possible outcomes. If she confronts him about this, he won't get better any sooner. He'll have a harder time learning to trust and I feel like he'd turn to his old methods for coping which is the last thing I would want to happen. I bit my lip, pushing my emotions aside and focusing only on the blond boy who was possibly still sleeping in my acquaintance's bed.

 **KALI:** _How much do you want?_

 **ZEE:** _Please, like you would be able to pay off want I want_

 **KALI:** _Get the fuck over yourself. I'm offering you $300 to delete the picture and never post it anywhere. I don't care if you brag to our friends about fucking him, I really don't. But I swear to God if you ruin his life, I will get everyone to dead you._

 **KALI:** _Please don't test me Zee. I don't want to do it, but you know if I tell them to drop you, they will without a second thought. I don't want to do that to you, so don't make me_

I saw her typing and deleting whatever she was writing multiple times, obviously rethinking whatever she intended to write. She knew that the guys were closer to me and if I asked them to distance themselves from Zee, they would, however I would never be such a selfish person to ask for such a thing. I hoped Zee accepted my offer, not wanting to be the reason her life at the moment changed so drastically.

 **ZEE:** _Fine, send me the money and I'll delete it. You know I'm a lot of things, but you know I'm a woman of my word first and foremost._

I let out a sigh of relief, sending her over the money and texting her the confirmation. She said she had deleted it and I had no choice but to believe her. She didn't extend the conversation any further, which I appreciated.

I closed my eyes, trying to push the incident aside, but I couldn't. I groaned as I opened the picture again, looking at how peaceful he looked laying beside someone else. I suppose what he said was true: having sex yesterday really did mean nothing. I felt sick, knowing I gave him a part of me I never could get back and I couldn't help but wonder whether he had been with other girls while I was away, though I knew deep down he didn't.

I guess I really didn't mean as much to him as he did to me. I looked at the photo again, attaching it to message before pressing send and shutting off my phone.

 **KALI:** _She figured out who you were. I convinced her not to post the picture anywhere and asked her to delete it, but I don't know if she will. I'm glad you enjoyed your evening so much. Goodbye, Lachlan._

I felt tears fall from my eyes and it confused me. I suppose I wasn't as numb as I thought.

I laid in bed, my thoughts drifting from my family to school to work to _him._ Analys and Carina would be gone for the next few days so they wouldn't be able to distract me, not that I had the energy or will to leave my room. I couldn't be bothered to get out and eat or drink anything. My body was numbed to such trivial things like those, and I knew all they would do is sustain my life just a little bit more, which I didn't care for at the moment.

I stayed in silence for hours until I heard a knock on my front door. My heart stopped, scared of who it could possibly be. Was it Reese worried that I hadn't responded since yesterday? I really didn't want to face him right now, I simply wasn't ready to.

I heard the doorbell ring, and I laid still, scared that the person outside could hear even the slightest stir even though my room was the furthest from the front. My stomach dropped as I heard a familiar, Australian voice calling my name from outside. I felt the tears fall from my eyes again as I slowly began to rock back and forth on my bed, quietly cursing him and wishing him away.

I'm not ok.

I'm getting worse.

I don't know what to do.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Just Be Okay

**Lachlan**

Three months.

It's been three months since I've heard from Kali. She stopped coming to our group meetings. When Marley asked why, Paige just said Kali wasn't feeling well, but that she was still going to her one on one meetings so that we shouldn't worry. How did she think that was possible, exactly? How did she expect me to not think of Kali when all I've been wanting to do was to fix things between us?

I took a deep breath and looked around the painfully smaller circle. "You know, I haven't really been cutting since I got here, and I've been coming to terms with a lot of my past issues. I really do have you to thank for that," I said confidently from my seat. I received eight smiles in return, but it stung knowing that the person whose smile I wanted to see the most wasn't even in the room. The pit in my stomach never seemed to leave and no matter how hard I tried, the guilt from that dreadful night never seems to go away. As hard as I tried, I couldn't focus for the rest of the meeting.

I left group in a rush, eager to meet up with Brandon for a drink. We haven't hung out much since the Zee incident, but it's not to say that he wasn't trying. I wasn't sure if he was really aware of the falling out between Kali and I or if he knew how she was doing, but I was hoping he would at least be able to tell me if he had seen her recently, and if so, if she was looking healthy.

I entered the small, local bar located far enough from the university that it wasn't overly packed, but busy enough that we didn't look out of place being there. I saw Brandon drinking a beer on a stool near the end and took a seat beside him.

"Lachlan, my man," he said, grabbing my hand and giving it a firm shake. "Long time no see, buddy. How have you been?"

"Good, good. Busy with work, life, the boring in between bits. What's up with you?" I asked, motioning to the bartender to bring out two beers for us.

"Pretty good, man. Me and Veronica are actually planning an anniversary trip for the summer. A backpacking trip around the world type thing." He took a long swing of his beer before sliding it forward and grabbing the fresh one the bartender put in front of him. "What are some need to see spots down under?" he asked with a sly smile.

I chuckled as I grabbed my drink. "I'll send you a list."

"Awesome, man. So what's up man? Why haven't you been around?"

I hung my head a little, knowing there was a chance Brandon was probing me for information on Kali depending on her current state. I couldn't respond, so I just shrugged my shoulders and took a sip.

"C'mon man. Did something happen with you and Kali? She hasn't been the same lately." His voice sounded frail as he spoke with concern.

I sighed deeply, trying to give him as little detail as possible while still telling him what happened the best way I could. "Something happened a couple months back and I kind of blew up on her. I've been trying to apologize to her but she won't return my calls or texts. I've tried stopping by her apartment but either no one is home or all three of the girls are just amazing at being silent when it's convenient."

He raised his eyebrow at me, almost confused by what I was saying. "Hold up, you guys got in a fight? So it really wasn't because of the Zee thing?"

I felt the blood leave face and my throat go dry. "What Zee thing?"

He turned his attention away from me, breaking eye contact. "Veronica saw a picture of you and Zee on Kali's phone. She confronted Zee about and confessed to the whole set up. Kali didn't seem bothered by it when she talked to Veronica about it. We don't see her around as much anymore, though, so who can really tell."

"When was the last time you saw her?" I asked, hearing the pathetic tone of my voice.

"It's been a while man, and she wasn't looking good. When I saw Cari and Ana last weekend they said she was doing fine, but you know they're gonna protect her so who knows."

"Fuck," I said, dropping my head into my hands. "I have to see her."

"I'm rooting for you, bro. Reese is like a brother to me, but I always knew him and Kali wouldn't be forever. He always wanted to fix her and she's too stubborn to let someone come to her rescue. You guys seemed different together. There was just something really natural about your chemistry I think. I hadn't seen Kali that happy in a while." He took a long drink from his bottle before placing it on the counter and turning it to me. "Look, I don't really know what happened, but I know Kali, and she really cared for you. If you really care for her and want to fix things, I know where she's gonna be tomorrow night if you want to try and talk to her."

I felt my body stiffen at the thought of being able to talk to her in person after all this time. I had been waiting to be able to say everything I wanted to say to her, but I couldn't help but feel like she wouldn't want to see to. "I don't want to make her uncomfortable. Like, what if she doesn't want to see me?"

"Then you leave," Brandon said matter-of-factly. "I'll tell her I invited you, which is true, and we'll just go from there."

"Thanks, man. I don't think I can repay you for doing this for me."

Brandon smiled, sliding his now empty beer forward. "Of course you can. Drinks are on you tonight."

The speakeasy was smaller than I pictured it being, but just by looking at it, I could tell this is a place Kali would love. I quickly glanced at myself in the window, fixing my hair and straightening my shirt nervously. I wanted to make the best second impression possible. I really needed to.

I took a deep breath and pulled open the heavy door, soft music playing as conversation and quiet laughter filled the room. I looked around for familiar faces, my eyes finally finding Brandon and Veronica at a back booth with five other people. My heart sank as I began to walk closer to the table and didn't see the dark gray tresses I had been dreaming about. My pace got slower until I was stopped in my tracks.

That voice. The beautiful melody of that voice. My eyes focused on the back of a small woman with curly, dark hair landing just above her shoulder. Is that really my Kali? I took a step closer as Brandon's eyes finally met mine. He smiled widely, his eyes dancing from mine to Kali's it seemed.

I could see Veronica letting out a small sympathetic sigh as she smiled at me. "Hey," she said with a nod. "It's been awhile." Everyone turned to see who she was talking to and that's when her eyes finally fell on me. Kali.

 **Kali**

Three months.

Three months since I found myself at one of the lowest points I had ever been. I couldn't bring myself to go to group and face all those people that saw me as an inspiration. I especially couldn't bring myself to see him just yet, not until I got better. I talked to my roommates and family and we all thought it would be best if I spent some time at a voluntary rehabilitation center for a while, and it helped a lot. I realized I was a lot stronger than I thought I was and was able to leave within a couple of weeks, meaning I didn't miss much school.

A lot has changed in these three months. I was offered a new assistantship that would cover all of my tuition and let me cut down on my hours and gave me a lot more flexibility with my schedule. It did suck to leave Campbell behind, but he supports the move, especially since I'll be working directly with students in a department I eventually want to work for. We still hang out every now and then, but he knows not to press too much on my personal life, so we keep it pretty work focused.

After what happened with Zee, I've tried to keep my distance from everyone, especially after Veronica told everyone what happened. The last thing I wanted to do was pit everyone against Zee, and as much as I was hurt, I didn't want anyone to think ill of Lachlan either.

Lachlan. Just thinking of his name sends this weird energy over me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. I do, a lot. I just don't know if we're ready to deal with each other at this point in our lives. I read over all the texts he's sent me more than I'd like to admit and his voicemails, they almost make me feel like he's right there with me when I wish he was. I just can't bring myself to talk to him just yet. I'm doing better, and from his videos, I can see he is too. Mitch texted me recently just to check up on me and give me an update on Lachlan which was nice, though I didn't respond to him either. I'm glad we're both doing well, and I'm glad we're both doing well on our own.

I think about him all the time and even after months without speaking, my feelings have remained just as strong as they were the night I gave myself to him. I know now he didn't mean what he said, I knew it was just as special to him as it was to me, and unfortunately he let his anger and jealousy get in the way of that. Even if he doesn't know it, I forgive him. Maybe one day I'll be ready to let him know that.

"It's been way too long!" Ash exclaimed, wrapping me in a bear hug as I walked to the back table with Analys, Carina, and Campbell. "I am loving this cut by the way. I'm getting strong sexy teacher vibes."

I groaned as I pulled out a chair and sat across from Brandon and Veronica. "Shut the fuck up," I said with a smile. "I've missed you too, Ash."

"You're looking really good KD. You have like this energy about you. I'm digging it," Veronica said, grabbing Brandon's drink from his hand and taking a quick sip. Her face scrunched together, clearly not pleased with what I'm guessing was a really strong drink. "Jesus how do you drink that crap?"

"No one said for you to take it," he said with a shrug. He grabbed the drink back and finished it with a big gulp. "Since you all just got here, next round is on me. What'll it be?"

"I'm actually good. I don't really think I should be drinking tonight. I have an early morning tomorrow," I said, still unsure if I was ready to be out with everyone again.

Brandon looked at me with sympathetic eyes. He doesn't know the details of what's been going on, but he has always had a knack at knowing how I was feeling. He gave me a slight nod and sighed. "I think you'll be needing a little something tonight, so I'll grab you your favorite in case you change your mind."

I looked at him skeptically, wondering if he knew something I didn't, but pushed the thought to the side.

Everyone fell into our old rhythm even though it had been a while since we all got together. Campbell had only met everyone a few times, but he fit in naturally which was hard for my tight knit friends group. The only other person I know that successfully got in was -

"Hey," Veronica's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "It's been a while." She looked like she was talking to someone behind me. I turned and my eyes wear met with the clearest blue eyes I had seen and my chest instantly began to hurt.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I turned back toward to table and grabbed my drink, taking a massive drink. I think I've been set up.

"Hey, guys. Do you mind if I sit here?" Lachlan asked slowly, his eyes quickly drifting across the table but always returning to mine. I couldn't tear my eyes away. The emotions I thought I had in check over the last three months immediately flooded over me and I could feel my body going warm. I couldn't speak and could only manage an almost nonexistent nod. Luckily, Carina felt that I was ok with it and eventually spoke up for me. He slid in next to Brandon and stayed quiet for a while as the table got back into comfortable conversation.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back, Kal," Campbell loudly whispered to me. I nodded and watched him walk away. I didn't think anyone had noticed until I looked across the table and saw the remains of a scowl on Lachlan's face. Was he getting jealous already? I could feel my face heating up with anger at the thought of it. I thought he was getting better? He literally just got here and he may already be causing a problem.

I refused to let that happen. "Lachlan," I said quietly. The table fell silent and all eyes shifted to us. I tried to ignore my not so subtle friends and kept my focus on him. "I think we should go outside." The grimace on his face fell and his skin flushed with an emotion I couldn't quite read. Was it hope? Was it fear? Regret? After a moment he nodded eagerly and got up from the booth and stepped beside me, helping me pull out my chair, although I really wish he hadn't.

We left the table in an uncomfortable silence and exited onto the busy downtown sidewalk. He stood with his hands in his pockets, clearly looking for the right words to say, but I just couldn't wait for that to happen. "Why were you making that face at the table?" I blurted out, my arms crossed against my chest as I leaned against the brick wall.

He looked at me with confusion until he realized what I had asked. "I just, well, he called you Kal." His face fell. "I'm working on my jealousy, I promise. I just wasn't expecting someone to call you that." We stood in silence for a moment before he sighed and looked at me again. "Who is that guy anyway? Is he your, I mean are you…" His voice drifted off and he looked down at the ground, unable to ask his question, though I knew exactly what it was.

"He's a friend, Lachlan. Just a friend. We used to work together last semester but I haven't seen him since I started my new job."

"New job? I thought you wanted to work at the school?"

"I still don't but don't change the subject. Why would you automatically think that I was dating someone else?"

He walked closer to me, no more than a foot of space between us. "Can you blame me? I haven't heard from you in months, Kal. I was worried sick about you. I didn't know if something was really wrong or if you were just ignoring me, so can you really blaming me for thinking that?" I could see the pain in his eyes, tears threatening at the duct to come out, though he didn't allow it.

I shifted to the side, creating a little bit more distance against us. "Look, I know I went MIA for a bit, but we both needed it. You blew up on me, Lachlan, and I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know that and I'm so sorry about that. I thought I was getting better but I guess everything with the holidays really brought out the worst in me. I'm doing so much better now. I can ask Paige for a report of my progress if you really don't believe me."

I sighed, smiling slightly at how adorably erratic he had just sounded. "Stop it, Power. I could tell by your messages and voicemails that you were doing better. You look better, too." I placed my hands in my pockets, trying to look as casual as possible in the hopes that he couldn't tell how hard I was falling for him at the moment.

"You read and listened to my messages?" I could see a glimmer of hope flash through his eyes as I nodded. "I am so sorry for everything, Kali. Everything I put you through, any negative effects I could have caused, and for making you think that you weren't one of the most important and special people in my life. I am so fuckin sorry and I am willing to do whatever I need to prove to you that I really have changed and that I'm not that person you saw on New Year's."

"I already forgave you, I did a while ago."

He smiled at me, taking a step closer. "Really?"

I returned his smile, closing the gap even further. "Really." I felt his arms wrap around me, embracing me in a hug filled with so much unspoken emotion. I could feel him slowly start to let go of the regret he had from that day, and it felt good to finally let him know how I was feeling. "But Lachlan," I said, feeling him lessen his grip at the more serious tone in my voice. "I'm not ready to just pick off where we left off."

He looked confused, almost hurt. "What do you mean? I thought you weren't with that guy?"

"I'm not. And understand that I do still have feelings for you. A lot of them. But we're still adjusting to our new normal. We're both doing better on our own, but how would trying to be together effect that?"

"It would make it better, obviously. I've missed you so much. You didn't miss me?" I took a step back, once again creating distance between us.

"Of course I did, you idiot," I said, giving him a playful shove in the hopes to lighten the mood. "It's just last time we made each other worse, and what if that happens again?"

"It won't. This time is different."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't, but I just feel it, ok? It just feels really different. I know I'm actually doing better and you're doing better, too, right?"

I let out an exasperated sigh, realizing it may be harder for him to see my point of view. "Yes, I'm doing great actually. Like really great. I told Paige I was going back to group next week." I saw him smile, which makes me realize how weird it might have been without me there for him. I was his mentor before everything else, after all. "Look, I still have really strong feelings for you, but I don't know if I can take being hurt like I did last time again. I just, I know think we should, and I know it's super cliche, but I just think we should be friends for a while before we try and become anything else. It's probably not smart to just jump into it again."

I grabbed his arm, waiting for him to respond. After a moment, I looked me in the eyes and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt him pressed his lips to my forehead and I couldn't help but shudder. "Kali, I want to be with you more than anything else, and if that means I need to be with you as a friend until we are sure we're both ok, then I'm fine with that. I just want to be with you in someway. I've missed you for far too long."

I felt tears stinging at the back of my eyes. I closed them tight and dug my head into his chest. "Well, you've got me now, Power. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
